Fix me

Chapter 5

When I was sixteen I started going to parties with my brother at weekends. This one time, his mate Charlie started trying it on with me. We were just having a laugh, a bit of banter, but it was completely obvious. When he asked me to go upstairs with him, I just carried on the joking and said, 'Sorry mate, I don't swing that way.'

He changed after that. His face fell. 'Are you a dyke?' he said in shock. I just shrugged. 'Call it what you like, but if I end up upstairs tonight it won't be with you!' I laughed but he wasn't smiling any more. 'I can't believe it.' He said coldly. 'Adam's sister, a rugmuncher. No f*cking way!'

I made a point of going home at that point. What a pr*ck! The week after that, me and Adam went to another house party, much quieter, only about twenty people. I ended up upstairs with a girl.

We were fooling around and she said she'd be right back. She blew me a kiss before closing the door, leaving me in semi-darkness.

Seconds later, Charlie came flying into the room. Before I could even sit up off the bed, he had closed the door and was on top of me. He was Adams age, built stronger than my brother. He quickly covered my mouth with his hand when I tried to shout out. 'Don't do that.' He whispered. 'Be a good girl, now... I'm gonna show you what you're missing...'

He had his free hand up my top and his pants undone when my brother suddenly kicked the door open. 'What the f*ck are you doing?!' he roared. Charlie jumped up so fast he tripped over his loosened jeans. Adam dived on him, punching him furiously. He dragged him outside by the legs and kicked the crap out of him.

It took four other guys at the party to drag Adam off. Charlie was unconscious by this point, and full of blood. I remember Adam coming to his senses and running to me. 'You ok?'

'Take me home.'

Adam got away with it. Every single person at the party said that someone had come into the garden and attacked Charlie. They had all seen what he was trying to do; everyone stuck up for Adam, good old Adam, looking after his baby sister.

But because Adam got away with it, so did Charlie. I never went to a party with my brother again.

Okay, I hate myself.

Why do I keep doing that? Cheryl Cole is probably the only person in the world right now who cares about me. The fact is, I think she really understands me, and when she tries to tell me she does, I lose it, I bite her head off, and we're back to square one.

But I am right in a way, I think, arguing with myself. She can't know everything about me and expect me to not ask questions back. Especially after what her brother said.

A little clock across the room on the dresser tells me it's nearly 3pm. It's been well over two hours since Cheryl left the room, and I've just sat here, sulking. Maybe it's time I swallowed my pride - what's left of it - and apologised.

After getting changed I slowly exit the room and start looking around the flat. Cheryl is in the front room with the fire on, sat with her feet up on the sofa and the laptop on her knees. She looks like she's been crying, and I suddenly want to hug her. She glances up when she senses my presence and gives me the tiniest of smiles. 'How are you?'

Always about me. All the time.

'Forget about me. I'm so sorry about before. I don't know why I acted like that after you... spent all night with me like that, I'm so sorry.'

Cheryl doesn't say a word. She closes the laptop and puts it on the floor, rubs her eyes. I don't know what to do. 'Gary said he didn't want to see you get hurt again.' I whisper. 'He said you've had it rough. What happened?'