𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 18

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𝐂𝐨𝐜𝐨

I try to keep my face of any emotion that might indicate my fear for next couple of days but I think Noah is catching on.

To be honest I haven't really been discreet, whenever I see someone with his same colour hair I freak out. If I hear someone like him I freak out, not to mention he's been sending over texts, text that scare the crap out of me.

Honestly I'm surprised it took this long for him to find me considering the fact that Noah and I have been on the news and magazine article for months. Still it bothers me because I'm not entirely sure what he's completely capable of.

I know he's violent and aggressive but I don't or I'm not sure to what extent. I just know that I stick to Gerald's side more often and I jinks he knows because he nods at me and sees my paranoia.

He knows something is up and he knows I'm scared but he won't ask any questions if I don't tell him, he'll just protect me and right now that's all I really need. I'm scared to talk about my past because I'm some way I feel guilty.

I feel guilty that I wasn't brave enough to leave when I had the perfect opportunity to do so many times, most people will call me stupid and say that it was my fault but you have you understand that I was well and truly alone.

Being an orphan was hard but it was even worse when you were an awkward person or people only say you for how perfect your body was.

I wasn't stupid enough to think that I could change him but I was hoping that maybe on day he'd just stop so we could go back to the way hints were before he'd started hurting me.

I also didn't have any friends, I mean I made some at the minimum wage jobs I took when I was younger and then at my present jobs but he'd made me isolate myself from them.

He'd threatened to hurt them too, if I someone he'd been dating for years was receiving such treatment from years then I knew he'd no doubt be able to hurt them too and since most my friends were women I wasn't ready to risk that so I obeyed even though it killed me.

In addition to that, Jake was well respected in our small community and most people there turned blind eyes to abuse or wouldn't really help if you'd be brave enough to ask.

It was a position I was really stuck in, and I didn't want to be completely alone in this world since I'd lived alone for most of my life. So I stayed and endured it. I endured the hitting, the screaming, the cheating, the utter disgust at the taught of sleeping with him.

I hated that bit he most, he made it seem like I owed my body to him and when I'd stop years before, he'd went to seek his pleasure else where.

As devastated as I was, I was also somewhat glad because it meant I didn't have to do it. I know it was a cowardly thing to say but I'm not a very brave person, I know I've always been soft and shy and very easily flustered by things people didn't even really notice.

The only really brave thing I ever did was becoming a stripper. You'd think this was a hard decision on my part but it was fairly easy considering the Nuns at he orphanage had already decided that, that was what we were destined for.

It was so patronising that they had a whole room built for the 'special girls' for dancing when they were just trying to make us learn how to dance on a pole for future use.

It was degrading and be littling and they knew it, they knew we'd feel disgusted with ourselves and that why they did it, because to them it was like saying they only thing we'd ever be good at was using put bodies.

That the one way we'd ever succeed was by seducing and screwing our way to the top. And I a way hey were right. If I had never taken the opportunity for he job in that club then I would have never made any money and would never had escaped Jake.

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