Accidents Happen

23. Parents

We went and chose a tree, the biggest one we could find (and attach to the roof of Dans car) and we had a good time trying to do just that. We dropped it off home and went searching for decorations at the shopping mall. By the time everything was finished, all enjoyed with the smell and taste of some non alcoholic mulled wine wafting through the house, it was late at night. We'd put the gas fire on, the lights were twinkling around the tree, my feet were all cosy in my slippers, and we sat and admired our work.

'Ive never really celebrated Christmas like this.' I admitted. Dan looked confused. 'Well, my parents are really religious. It wasn't about the tree or the presents. It was about Jesus.'

'You never got presents?' He looked truly shocked.

'Well maybe one or two, from aunties and uncles, but it was never like 'normal' people would celebrate.'

'Thats quite-'

'Sad?'

'I was going to say nice. If that's how you want to raise the baby, then that's fine.'

'No. I won't raise it like my parents did me. I want them to make up their own mind, I want them to be happy.'

'With you for a Mum, I think they'll be fine.' He said. And I felt the emotion rising up inside me. And it wasn't necessarily the hormones this time.

'Do you really think so?' I asked, so desperate for approval.

'Yes. You've put your life on the line for this baby, you've sacrificed a lot already. I only wish I could be half as brave as you.'

'I wouldn't call blind fear being brave.' I laughed to shake off the tears. All my life I'd been told I'd survived because it was Gods will. That everything had happened because God was testing me. But what if it was down to me? Didn't I have a say in my path through life? 'I'm gonna go to bed before you make me cry.' I told him. I clinked my glass of mulled wine against his and got up from the sofa.

'Night Al.'

'Night Dan.'

****

I did as planned and spent Christmas Eve with Ben and Debbie. Dan was working during the day at Radio One. Me and Ben had spent the morning shopping, he'd helped me find Dan some vinyl records and shoes for Christmas, bought on the card Dan was paying for, but I'd promised myself I would pay it back. Somehow.

Now the truth was out amongst all our friends, I could relax at Bens house. Debbie was excited, as a professional photographer, she began planning all the shoots we could do when the baby was here and discussing names. It felt nice to have a girl to talk to, even if she didn't have any children herself. There was just something about talking to girls about babies that boys didn't get. Ben would roll his eyes, top up the eggnog I'd made, and listening politely to our conversation.

'Obviously Bens going to be Godfather, so you'll have to be Godmother.' I told them. 'Dans having Ralph and Kyle, bending the rules a little.' They were both so happy for me. For us.

'Its about time Dan had someone to settle down with. I always felt sorry for him when the rest of them all have girlfriends.' Debbie told me.

'Yeah, why is that?' I wondered. Dan, though I may have been a little biased, was the only single one out of both bands, but clearly the most good looking. Now that may have been the hormones.

'He was married to his job.' Ben chimed in. 'You know what he's like, he's always working, he's always on that damn phone.' I recalled the day at the clinic, but since then when we were together at home, he rarely used his phone. I took that as a good sign.

And then, as if he could hear us talking about him, there was a knock at the door.

'Oh, he's early.' I checked my watch. We were going straight to his Moms when he'd finished, but that wasn't for another hour. I hadn't even wrapped his presents!

I answered it. And could not contain my joy when I saw him wearing a Santa hat with attached beard.

'Ho ho ho.' He said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at him, but grinned.

'Come in, I just gotta do something then I'll be ready.'

I could hear the three of them chatting in the living room as I hurriedly wrapped. I'd also bought gifts for his parents to soften the blow. And the nerves started to kick in. I'd never met someone's parents before. Scott and I hadn't been together long enough, and with him being away most of the time, there had never been a chance. I just hoped they weren't too angry at me. I had to remember to be polite as I was a guest in their home, who happened to be carrying their future grandchild.

After wishing Ben and Debbie a happy Christmas, Dan and I left. I felt the nerves increase on the twenty minute ride over. What would they think of me? Would they believe it was an innocent accident and not a purposeful act to entrap him? What if they flat out didn't like me? I'd have to see these people quite often when the baby was born.

But I needn't have worried. They were so warm and friendly. Dan had called ahead to say he was bringing a friend. His Mom was a warm and welcoming presence, something I'd not had experience of before. She insisted I call her Mom but I kindly declined and used her real name, Isla. His dad, Rod, was jovial and had a deep laugh that was as infectious as his sons. It was awkward to begin with for me, as Dan hadn't seen his family for a few weeks and had a lot of catching up to do. I never felt like a spare part but I sat quietly as they exchanged news. And it was as we sat at the dinner table for Christmas Eve supper that Dan cleared his throat.

'So, I have something to tell you.' I did not envy him this task. Just being in the room was hard enough. But having to tell his parents they were about to become grandparents was brutal. 'We have something to tell you.' He placed his hand over mine and locked our fingers.

'You're getting married?' His mum guessed happily.

'Not quite.' He took a deep breath in. 'We're having a baby.'

There was only a split second between Dan telling them and his Mom bursting into tears. I looked at Dan with terror, but he was smiling.

'I knew she'd cry.' He laughed. He got up to hug her and his dad shook his hand.

'Congratulations kids.' His dad turned to me and smiled. And then he hugged me too. And I instantly felt accepted into the family. We told them that we'd been seeing each other for a little while and that it had been a shock.

'But as long as you're both happy, that's all that matters.' Isla had gotten over the shock. And even admitted to me that she never thought she'd see this day. The way she looked at me and stroked my face gently, like she was talking to a daughter, bought me to tears. I couldn't have wished for a kinder family to be joined to. I found myself being able to now call her Mom.

We went to bed in Dans old room after the three of them had toasted to the new baby. All remnants of his childhood removed and stored away elsewhere, but his double bed was still there. We lay down side by side and for the first time in weeks, probably months, I found it hard to sleep. I was so excited. This was the only Christmas I'd found myself imagining the next day. I'd get to spend it with these amazing people.