Accidents Happen

10. Plans

We drove back to my flat in silence. I still felt the sobs echoing in my breathing. Was this the right decision? I knew I couldn't go through with it the moment I knew it had a heartbeat. I'd been robbed of my heart at four, but now someone else's beat in my chest. I knew how precious a heart was. How could I kill one? And all the things that go with it? Dreams, feelings, aspirations, the future.

When we stopped outside the take away under my flat, I sighed. This wouldn't be home for much longer. I knew for a fact that Scott would kick me out. I'd betrayed him. Especially when he found out I failed to pay the rent that month. He'd be back in a matter of weeks

'Are you gonna be ok?' Dan finally spoke. Could he see my reluctance? How my hand clung onto the handle to leave the car.

'Yeah.' I found my voice croaky. 'I just...I thought the next time I came home, things would be going back to normal.' I shrugged.

'Yeah. Me too.' He sighed, but with more relief than anything. 'Are you going to tell your boyfriend?'

'Can't really not tell him. If I'm honest, it's a relief.' I admitted.

'Why?'

'I should never have moved in with him. It was pretty stupid. I'd only known him three days.'

'You've known me a little longer.' He laughed. Easing the tension.

'I trust you. You could've run away. But you haven't.' I smiled at Dan. Up until an hour ago, I'd been sure I'd never have to see him again. That this awkward accident would be enough of an excuse to never socialize with Bens friends again. But now we were cemented together. Forever. Bonded by the thing growing in my apparently now-not-so-useless uterus.

'When is he back?'

'Few weeks.'

'I mean what I said, about you moving in with me. I have two spare rooms. You can have them. One for you, one for baby.'

'We'll see. If I can get a job in the next few days, then I can find my own place.' I desperatly didn't want to rely on anyone for help.

'The offers there. Are you ok for money?'

'Yeah, I'll be fine.' No I wouldn't. I hadn't gone to the job interview and the BBC wouldn't keep me when they knew I was pregnant. I could probably lie to them for a few weeks, but the ever present morning sickness would probably give away the game.

'What now?' He asked.

'I have no idea.' I laughed.

'You need to go to the doctors again and let them know.'

'Yeah I guess so.' I undid my seatbelt. 'Are you around in the next few weeks? Do you want me to keep you in the loop?'

'I'm in Europe for a few days, then Los Angeles for some awards thing.'

'Some awards thing?' I stifled a laugh. He'd said it so nonchalantly.

'The Grammys.'

'Wow. Ok.'

'But if you need anything, ring me, night or day. And any appointments or whatever, I'll be there.'

'Thank you Dan.'

There was no room to hug over the shift stick, so we compromised with a weird hand shake, shoulder rub thing. I watched him drive away before heading up the steps with fresh tears now falling as realization set in.

What the hell now?