Accidents Happen

3. Courage

I couldn't have the baby. I was almost certain of that. What would Scott say? What would my parents say? I was four thousand miles from home with no one to turn to for help but Ben and he was away most of the time. I had no money, no job, no way of possibly raising a child. This was never a situation I thought I would face. I remembered my Mom sitting me down at fifteen and telling me I would never have a child, I would never be a Mom. I was destroyed by the news. No teenage girl wants to discover she is infertile. All my friends were planning their wedding days, their futures, their children's names. And I had nothing. But in the eleven years since, I'd taken it in my stride. I'd even been proud of the fact that I would never have to deal with pregnancy, labour, birth, raising a child. My life was my own. It had made me reckless and selfish.

It was 7am when Bens girlfriend Debbie woke up and came into the living room.

'Hey Ally.' She said nonchalantly. She was used to Ben hanging out with me. There had never been any jealously. Debbie understood our friendship, we'd been friends before Debbie was on the scene.

'Should I tell him?' I asked when Debbie left for work an hour later, when we'd all had breakfast. It was unspoken that I didn't want anyone else to know.

'I guess?' He was uncertain in his reply.

'Like...I'm nearly sure I want an abortion. So is there any point?'

'Nearly sure?' He queried.

'Well...I was bought up catholic remember? If my family ever found out I had an abortion...'

'That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Ally, I will be here to help if you decide to keep it, but ultimately, do you want a baby?'

'I have no idea.'

'I think you should talk to him.' He took my phone and typed in Dans number. 'You need to make the decision with him.'

*****

It took the rest of the day to think how to break it to this almost complete stranger. We'd only met once, the night I'd fallen pregnant. Would he even remember me? A guy like him, so talented and adored, must've had girls every night. The morning after when I'd woken up in a hotel room, I'd made my escape before he woke up. I'd known at the time what we'd done was wrong.

I must've written and deleted a hundred texts. I almost rang him before losing courage. I paced the one bed flat, round and round. I was sure I'd worn a hole in the carpets. I just had to do it. I had to.

'Hello Daniel. It's Ally the American, Bens friend. I don't know if you remember me or anything, but I'd like to meet up with you when you're home, for a coffee or something? I have to tell you something.' I screamed as I hit send and threw the phone onto the sofa. It was done. I was sure he would already have an idea of what that something was. Which took the pressure off a little. And I half expected him not respond. I spent the entire day throwing up and checking my phone. How long did I give him? Wasn't it just easier for Ben to pass the message along? Then I wouldn't have to face him.

I had dosed off from pure exhaustion around midnight and when I awoke an hour later, my phone showed one new message.

'Are you free tomorrow at ten? There's a coffee shop by the recording studios in Ealing.'

My heart pounded as I typed 'Yes, see you there.' I knew the studios. Ben was there a lot.

I had to decide what I wanted to say. I had to go into this meeting with a clear head. Which was hard when I didn't know what I was going to do. There were so many factors making my decision impossible. One moment I was certain I could do this, that I could be a Mom. Hell, this was probably my only shot. Nothing short of a miracle had occurred. The next, doubt crept in; money, no job, no where to live once Scott found out, a total stranger, my heart...

I dosed back into a fretful sleep.

A/n

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