Red light

22. Kindled hope (Izuna)

I leaned my forehead against the window, looked out on the landscape outside.

It was beautiful, like a cornucopia of green hills and lakes and turquoise sky. I'd never been in this part of the country, and I could only imagine how beautiful my actual destination was.

My phone pinged. I took it out of the pocket of my jeans shirt, opened the email.

Dear Mr Uchiha!

We're both glad the virtual tour of the apartment was to your liking. You seem to be a charming young man, and we would love to have you as our tenant. The only downside is that we would love to have you over for dinner in our home once a week! Me and Howard do get terribly lonely since the children and grandchildren moved to Australia.

We sincerely hope you get the place in university so your move will be decided.

Kind regards, Sandy

I smiled. I had contacted the university that was ranked to be the absolute best in the country for English literature via email. In the end, I had just decided to be brutally honest before applying, telling the principal I had lost my place at my current university, not yet stating why. She had booked a date for a meeting with me and said nothing else. And now, I was on the train on my way up. Scared to jinx it, but too excited to stand against it, I had started looking for housing, and found a lovely apartment owned by an elderly couple. They had given me a virtual tour of a big, lofty place with blue walls and an old but clean bathtub. I had fallen in love immediately, both with the apartment and the elderly couple.

Dear Mrs Corn,

How could having dinner with you once a week ever be a downside? I will do everything to in my power to earn a place. 

Kind regards, Izuna

The train started to slow down. We were still in complete greenery, but the station was close. As the train stopped, I got out, feeling excited. I had never travelled before, and the feeling of a backpack on my back and a hotel booking confirmation in my phone thrilled me beyond measure. I'm doing it! I'm seeing the world! Okay, so I was still in the country, but even so! 

A thought planted itself in my head then, spreading through my mind as I walked through the beautiful cobble streets on which colourful houses sat so tightly they reminded me of rows those three-coloured ice creams that came in boxes. That if I got my degree and started working with something related to it, I might not need the porn industry.

Of course I had thought of it before. Of course I had known there were cafe jobs, restaurant jobs, even library jobs as the one I had pretended I got for so long, available for university students. Once, a lady in a second hand shop even offered me work because she thought I "looked cool", as she had said. But I had gotten stuck in porn. Once I had become a part of that world, that world  had turned out to be very, very hard for me to leave, even if I couldn't explain exactly why. Maybe, it was the familiarity of it. Maybe, it was a lack of believe in myself. Maybe, it was an addiction. But the reason didn't really matter; I hadn't left, and that was that.

But now, the thought had manifested itself.

The blue sky welcomed me into my little hotel, one of the ice cream blocks. The hotel was small and not overly expensive but beautiful, and I felt a thrill as I signed in. I went to my room and saw, to my delight, that the bed was round. I seemed to have a thing for round beds. I put my backpack down, threw myself on it. I hugged the pillow, crisp beneath my fingers, enjoyed its cool against my cheek. I wondered how the meeting with the principal would go, what we would say.