Anchor {h.s}

twenty-one

The next hour went by excruciatingly slow. I tried to keep myself busy and avoided looking at Harry, but it was harder than I expected. The words he had said earlier stuck with me and for the hour I went on wiping the same spot on my counter while trying to decide what I was going to do with Harry.

"I want us to be okay, I want us to start over and I'm not really sure how to do this." Could we really start over? Could I actually trust him not to hurt me again? I didn't even know if I believed the fact that he had feelings for me.

"I feel the same", he had said. Did he actually know just how deep my feelings for him were or did he just throw an arrow in the dark, hoping that it would reach me? Did he actually love me the way I loved him? I doubted it, because he would have never degraded me the way he had, if he did.

I grunted as I closed my locker, wanting to punch it, but holding it in. Thoughts were running through my mind, invading it, but they were also a reminder that I needed to be careful. I didn't know what I was supposed to do and needed to think long and hard about both sides, believing him and giving him another chance or ending it, before taking a decision.

I needed to get my shit together, my shift had ended fifteen minutes ago, and Harry was expecting me. But I didn't feel ready to face him just yet; I was still wary at the idea that I would be riding in Harry's car, alone, with Harry. A bad combination.

Having him all day drained me, physically and emotionally. I didn't have the energy to fight him anymore, all I wanted to do was go home, run myself a hot bath and cry until tears wouldn't fall anymore. If he were to try something, to really put in the effort to win me back, I wasn't sure I would be strong enough to resist. I hoped I would; but I couldn't guarantee it. I slowly began to realize that the closest he was physically, the harder he was to push away. I was drawn to him when he was near, that's why I wanted him away from me, because I wanted to hate him, because I knew that was the right thing to do.

I breathed in deeply with my eyes closed, gathering as much courage as I could, before finally coming out of the staff's room. He got up as he saw me, and pulled his keys out of his coat's pocket. My heart started to beat faster, my palms were becoming moist; I could see the way he looked at me, his eyes held so much hope. I looked down unable to hold his gaze.

"You okay?" He asked, his tone concerned.

He reached for my chin, lifting it so that I would look at him. I turned my head hastily, as if his touch had burned me, and his hand fell to his side.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

I bit my lower lip, avoiding his eyes still. "Let's just go home," I replied before walking towards the exit.

I heard the sound of his boots hitting the ground, right behind me. We both stopped in front of the exit, watching as the rain fell in front of us. Heavy drops hit the ground and I looked at Harry.

"Do you want me to go and get the car for you?" He asked with his head crooked to the side. He had his lower lip between his teeth, nervously biting as he waited for my answer.

I shook my head. "No need, we can run to the car," I forced a smile onto my lips.

Harry did the same before reaching for the door and opening it for me. I looked ahead and started to run with my head down. I heard the beeping of his car, indicating that Harry had unlocked the doors and once I reached mine, I hurriedly opened it and jumped in the car. A few seconds later, Harry came in too.

We had barely been under the rain for 15 seconds, but our hair and clothes were soaked. I turned my head instinctively to take a look at Harry. His hair were sticking to his face, hiding half of it. His black jacket glistened with raindrops and the black t-shirt he wore under it clung to his chest. He looked awfully handsome and I felt as if I could look at him all day.