Anchor {h.s}

eighteen

Because I love you all and couldn't leave you hanging...

.

How could he have said those words to me? How could he rip out my heart like that and crush it to pieces?

I had wasted too many years on that asshole; I had been blinded by my feelings for him. For fifteen years, I had believed in him, stood by his side, but not anymore. This time I meant it when I said that I was done with him.

I hated him, I hated him so much.

The words he had said would never be forgotten, the pain he inflected me either. He was a coward, an addict and a liar. I couldn't believe that my world had revolved around him for so long, when from the moment we met, it was obvious that I couldn't trust him.

...

"I'll catch you," he had said, fifteen years ago, encouraging me to use the fireman's pole. "Do it, trust me."

And at the time I did. That was my first mistake.

We were five, this was our first encounter and already life had given me a strong hint that I should never trust Harry. It was an innocent promise, easy to fulfil, but he didn't do it; he never caught me. Instead when I slid down the pole and my hands slipped, he stood still and watched me fall to the ground.  I had trusted him for the first time. He said it was easy, that I wasn't going to fall, he said he was going to catch me, but that wasn't true.

We were five, I had trusted him, I had used the fire pole and I had ended up falling. I trusted him when he said that he would catch me, but he didn't. So on that day, on our first meeting, I fell to the ground and ended up with a broken arm.

...

Today was similar, I felt betrayed, but this time Harry wasn't the reason behind a break my arm, instead, he broke my heart. It took me fifteen years to realize that he couldn't be trusted and that he was toxic, and now that I did, I never felt a greater pain.

It consumed me with every breath that I took; how I could I have been so naive?

It crushed my bones with every step that I made; how could I have fallen in love with him?

It burned every inch of my skin; how did I not realize this sooner?

I was in a constant state of rage, pain and questioning.

I cried every day, whether I wanted it or not, everything around me acted like a trigger. We had gone through so much together, fifteen years of ups and downs, and I was doomed to be reminded everyday of how much of a waste these years had been. And every day I hated my self for wasting yet another minute on him, but I couldn't help it. Yes, I hated him, but I still loved him. You'd be a fool to think that you can stop loving someone in the blink of an eye.

Love takes time to grow and it takes time to fade.

I cried everyday and Harry showed up on my door everyday. Thankfully, I had Wendy who acted as my personal bodyguard. I couldn't listen to him lie to me anymore; I had enough of his fake apologies. Texts and calls kept coming in, all from Harry, and I ignored them. I wanted him out of my life.

It took me a few days but eventually it became easier to breathe, easier to live. There was always the pain of the betrayal lingering at the back of my mind, but I learned to push it back, I had to. It had already been four days and in these four days I had missed two days of work. Luckily, I had been able to find people to take my shifts, so I knew that I still had a job. It had been four day, and I knew that I eventually had to go back; I eventually had to live a normal life again. So I slowly prepared myself for it and decided that tomorrow, I would go back to work.