Anchor {h.s}

nineteen

The strong smell of coffee filled my nose as I sat at the kitchen counter, reading a book on a perfect love story.  

I had always taken my coffee the same way, two creams and two sugar, but today, partially because I didn't feel like it and because we had ran out of cream, I didn't put any. It tasted bitter in my mouth, but it matched my mood.  

I had woken up early in the morning, unable to fall back asleep. After endless tossing and turning in my bed, I had decided that 5 a.m. was a somewhat reasonable time to wake up. Wendy only woke up around nine, as she had been working late the night before, and found me drinking my bitter coffee and reading my book about unrealistic romantic expectations.  

"Good morning," she greeted enthusiastically as she opened the fridge to grab her orange juice.

"Morning," I replied dully.

Wendy turned around while drinking directly from the bottle. "Are you okay?" She asked, her expression concerned.

I smiled softly, "I'll be alright."

"He came around, didn't he?" I nodded. "Did you open the door?"

I shook my head. "I didn't. But we talked a little." 

She put down her orange juice and came to sit next to me. I closed my book and ran a nervous hand through my hair, a habit I had somehow got from Harry.  

"What did he say?" She asked while looking worried.

I sighed. "All the right things," I admitted before slowly looking up to Wendy.  

She sighed too before reaching for me and caressing my shoulders softly. She understood my struggle and I was glad that she didn't blame me for talking to him.  

"He told me that he felt the same, that he never used me and promised that he would make me trust him again," I resumed, a small tremolo in my voice. "But I can't believe him. I just can't, he's playing me again, he has to be. "

"He told you he felt the same? He said he loved you?" Wendy asked, surprise clear in her tone.

I shrugged. "He didn't say 'I love you' but he said he felt the same, that I was important to him, that he needed me and that he made love to me," I took a sip of my coffee. "It doesn't matter, he's a liar."

Wendy bit her lower lip and I raised a suspicious brow at her. She took in a deep breath before saying what she had to say. "He might be, but saying that he loves you… he wouldn't go that far."

I pulled away from her. "Are you on his side now?"

"You know I'm not, I'm just saying… it's… unusual for him."

I crossed my arm on the counter and rested my head in between. This really wasn't something I needed to hear, especially when I had such conflicted feelings. Harry's word echoed in my head, and the more I thought about it, the more I believed them. I was falling into the patterns I was trying to change.
"This is really not a topic I want to tackle right now, Wen."

I felt her lean against me and hug me tightly. "I'm sorry Emy."

"It's okay." 

I took in a deep breath before getting up and picking up my cup and my book. I threw the coffee that was left in the sink and went to my room to get ready for work. I had a little over an hour so I took the time to shower and put enough makeup to hide that I had been crying for the past four days.  

I was feeling like hell, but I wouldn't look like hell.

Before I knew it, it was time for me to go to work. I grabbed my bag and my coat, before quickly saying goodbye to Wendy and leaving.