all my fault | skephalo

knives and tears

It's been 2 days ever since I attended that sleepover, I'm genuinely scared.

I could still remember the flashbacks of the moment I kissed a boy, people were taking pictures and laughing. I bet you that the videos have already been seen by most of the people at my school.

I cried into my pillow for the 4th time today, I needed to try to sleep early today since I have school tomorrow.

I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie and closed my eyes shortly after.

~~~~~~

"WAKE UP DARRYL!" I heard my father yell into my ear, I flinched at how loud his tone was.

"OKAY, OKAY." I called out, I rubbed my eyes to see that my father has already left the room. I sighed in relief and made my way to my closet, I picked out the first hoodie and pants I saw.

A slightly over sized black hoodie and some baggy jeans, I picked out my black converse shoes and was satisfied with the  outfit.

I made my way to the bathroom slowly still tired, I splashed some warm water onto my face and undressed myself. I tried not to body check today but I failed, I almost cried to see how slim I was.

but it was so addicting

My stomach started to growl in hunger as I wrapped my cold arms around my waist, I mumbled the muffles of my sobs by covering my mouth with my palm.

I took some deep breathes and changed into my clothes for today.

~~~~

I took little nibbles of the food my father prepared for breakfast, the eggs tasted rotten and the bacon looked raw.

I faked and said that my bus leaves early today, well it really isn't, I just wanted an excuse to stop eating that.

He actually believed it and letted me go, i grabbed my bag and putted one of the shoulder straps on my shoulder. Letting the other one dangle off.

I shut the door close and made my way to the nearest bus stop.

~~~~~

I hummed to this one song stuck in my head, Sweather Weather - The Neighbourhood. It was catchy and really good, as I finished humming the song someone came and sat next to me at the bus stop.

Antfrost!

"Hey!" I wave to him, "Hi!" Antfrost says back.

He clutches onto his backpack and placed it onto his lap, he zips open the backpack and grabs something.

"Here!" He says while handing me this unusual box, i was confused but I opened it.

My eyes lit up as I saw the gift, it was a matching friendship bracelet made out of colourful beads! "Awww I love it!" I exclaimed. Antfrost pulls up his sleeve to show that he is wearing his bracelet to!

I take the bracelet safely out of the wooden box and wrapped it around my wrist.

We put our wrists side by side and giggle, my one says 'best' and his says 'friends'.

I pull him in for a hug and thank him again, "Oh look the bus is here!" Antfrost calls out.

We both race to get in the bus first, as soon as we got on we could see some other students. There are the nerds, the popular kids and the athletes, me and Antfrost sit at the front this time since those were the only seats available at the moment.

Surprisingly everyone was quiet, I turned around to the nerds sitting behind us. "Do you why everyone is quiet?" I asked the familiar student, "Apparently the angry bus driver Mr Jay is driving today, so shush." He spat I faced back to the front and rolled my eyes, Antfrost chuckled at my attitude.

~~~~

I searched for my science book in my locker, I could already sense the dirty looks people were giving me as they walked past.

As I lifted up my maths book something was laying underneath it.. huh? It was a yellow post it note.

I pinched it and read the message written on it in pen, 'Behind the outdoor toilets after school.' It wrote.

I hesitated for a second but decided to go, what will go wrong?

everything...

~~~~~~

As soon as the bell rang I got out of computers class as soon as I could, "Darryl, can I talk to you in private?" Mrs Friley whispered to me.

"Okay!" I exclaimed as I stood in front of her desk, she waited for the other students to exit the classroom first.

As everyone left she finally spoke, "Darryl please be careful." She says, I was confused. "What do you mean Mrs Friley?" I questioned, "I've seen the video of kissing Zak, many other people saw to. And you should already know that there are many homophobes at our school." She informs me.

"It was a game, I don't really like men that's gross!" I said in an angry tone, "Oh okay, but still be careful!" She calls out as I shutted the door close.

What Mrs Friley said made me feel anxious and scared about going behind the outdoor toilets now, what if they beat me up? Or maybe they are just giving me a gift, i don't really know! Well I just need to figure out myself I guess..

~~~

I slowly crept my way around the tiny buildings outsides, as I peeked over the corner I could see 2 of the popular kids and 1 athlete.

Maybe Mrs Friley was right... I felt unsafe but I knew that I should stand up for myself.

I cracked my knuckles and my neck, I took some deep breathes and forwarded my way to the recognisable group of people.

"WELL ISN'T IT THE FAG?" One of the popular boys called out to me, "YOUR LATE." The athlete yelled.

They towered over me making feel like I'm some sort of ant cause of their height, my breath because shaky as their veiny pale hands reached over me.

All of sudden they started scarring and hitting me, I scream for help and try to fight back but it was no help at all... just me and some 3 guys.

~~~

As I walked back home in the rain I sobbed, I placed my bare hand over the bruised eye. It ached whenever I touched it or even thought about it!

When I came home I ran straight to my room, I closed the door and locked it. Leaping onto my bed and sobbing into my pillow covering it with salty tears, why did I have to go to that sleepover?! I thought to myself many times.

I've had to much, I looked through my bedside table to find my box cutter knife.

I hid it in my pocket and took it with me to the bathroom, as I stepped foot in the bathroom I locked the white door. Trying to hold back my tears

I looked at how sharp the blade was, it wasn't much but it could work, as soon as I knew it I pressed the blade against the skin on my wrist and thighs.

It left red cuts all over my pale skin, i hissed at the pain but it felt so good.

I felt like it was my new hobby to help me escape from my reality.