Epilogue

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All I could hear was her voice. Over and over playing in my mind on repeat.

"Andy!"

I was in the cemetery, spinning, clawing at dirt, begging her to come back, but nothing. "It's your fault." The words rang out in her voice but with none of the usual warmth.

"Andrea, please. We promised."

"You just weren't good enough, Dean." I screamed, heart tearing in two as her disembodied voice continued to ridicule me. And then she was in front of me again, falling on repeat and being swallowed by the earth, but my knees were glued to the ground. "Help me, Dean!" But I couldn't. In fact, the harder I tried the deeper I sank into the ground.

"Andy!"

My own scream woke me as I sat up on the couch. Sweat beaded down my forehead as I tried to get my breathing under control. It had been a day since Lawrence. Castiel had been resurrected by God for some reason and then Cass had managed to do the same to Bobby. Sam and Adam were currently asleep in the back room.

The only one truly lost was Andy.

Everything we had shared and done, the one woman I had ever put my entire being into: gone. No redos. No do-over. She had been ripped from my grasp before I could truly cherish her: snuffed out like a candle. I almost regretted all the time we had spent fighting our feelings for each other, but I couldn't because that time spent had only made me love her more.

A few stray tears rolled down my cheeks. The sob was stuck in my throat, just as it was most mornings. "It's okay." I tried to tell myself. "It's gonna be okay. We'll get her back. It's gonna be okay."

Maybe if I said the words enough, I might actually believe them.

But nothing stopped. I couldn't stand the thoughts in my head, screaming at me how it was my fault. All of it. If I had just been smarter, figured something else out. Maybe, just maybe, she would be here right now. Suddenly the house seemed too small.

I stood up, grabbing a flannel and trying to forget about the one Andy had been wearing of mine when she fell. Before I could think twice, I was out of the house. The sunrise caught the mist that was hanging on the ground, leaving an ethereal feel to Bobby's old junkyard. Pacing the rows of cars and trying to ignore the hurt. Pain was something I was used to, but this was deeper. This was never ending. This was a monster that roared inside saying I had lost the one person who truly loved me. She was bright, and beautiful. Bubbly and ferocious.

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