"how are you feeling today?" The therapist asked me, it was always the same question she asked me. I always responded with the same thing. 'im fine' but she never believed me, even though she didn't press for me to actually tell her the truth.
She was trying, really, but it never helped me. It just got worse each time I came back. I was slowly losing myself and I didn't know how to make it better.
I was drowning and didn't know how to get up into the shallow end. The closer and closer to get to the bottom will be the end.
Everyone knows it.
I didn't speak to her, I never did. The only aknowlagment I gave her was small shrugs or nods. Other then that I didn't move or make a sound, she couldn't force me to talk. And I'd rather not.
She was helping me. But it just doesn't do anything. Maybe if... Just maybe. No, I couldn't.
She sighed again, knowing it was he end of the time, she stood up, and walked to the door. I got up and staked over to the door as she pulled it open, I didn't wait for her goodbye, walking out if the room and past the desk.
I never talked to them either, I didn't like the looks I got from them. They were to conserned for the it own good, I wasn't any of their consern.
Neither was my therapist but hey, beggars can't be choosers, huh?
The door slammed close after me as I jumped into the car, Harvey sat in the driver's seat on his phone. Only looking up as I got the seatbelt on, he didn't ask. Just turning on the engine and driving off back home. I rested my head in the window, just hoping that maybe it could end. Everything.
The selfish feeling I get, the small stabs of pain I got when I couldn't remember anything. They tried it all, but nothing. Why couldn't I just be normal?
I felt like a total freak, maybe that's what I am. I let the tears silently slide down my cheeks, keeping my had faced away from the elder man.
He didn't need to know that missery I was in. It was useless. I'm useless..
Sirs pov (I'm exited!!)
I felt bad for Neil, he didn't deserve this. Fuck, if it wasn't for me none of this would of happened.
My stupidness got this out of controll, if I hadn't of just told him, he wouldn't hate me. Ever since I let it out to him, he hated me. I won't complain. I deserve it for once.
The looks I get from the boys are not surprising, they all knew. I told them what had happened and all, they seemed to be really pissed at me. I know, I know. It's all on me.
The fact that they won't talk to me is starting to frustrate me the most out of it all. This isn't how I wanted any of it to go, but it did and now I'm stuck in the sticky mess I made.
Maybe I should just tell him. God I don't know how he will handle it all so suddenly, expecially with everything that just was dumped on him.
He started to spirle down a while ago, and I thought. 'hey! Maybe he needs some help.' yea... It's not going the way I planned either. Just another fuck up if I must say.
He could tell me he doesn't need to see her, or anyone if he wants. But he just ignores me like im not even here.
Whatever, I'll deal with it then.
°_°_°_°
I scouted out the boy, he was sitting on the kitchen counter, listening to music while eating cereal. Something he does now.
I stood Infront of him, I wasn't going to let him go, even if he tries. He looks up, since I might be disturbing him.
He narrows his eyes before rolling them. He goes to move but I stop him. He looks up at me with an angry expression. I ignore it.
His hands play with the bowl be is holding, I take the headphones off his head, making sure to set them down lightly. Good, good.
Great. Right, I can't do this.
"I-" I start off, trying to find the right words. What the hell do I say? "Right.. uhm, I need to speak to you." Fuck, that was defiantly discreet. I internally roll my eyes at myself. what an idiot.
He looks at me bored, yea I get that. "What.' it wasn't exactly a question, more of a statement. Cool, that's nice...
"It's super important, so I'd really appreciate if you'd actually listen." I made sure he got it. He stifly nodded, not wanting to actually gow tih it by having no other option. Perfect. "So, I guess I have to start. Right, so I know you wont like this. But it's important. Anyway, she I didn't tell you why I said it was my fault. And don't look at me like that, it is.
"Anyway, what I'd don't tell you was that... I was the one who killed your mum." I said, looking at him in the eyes. They widened in shock before they went dark. He narrowed his eyes at me, completely sitting still.
Oh god, what is happening?
He then nodded, with a small shrug, "okay." That's goo- wait! Did he just say 'okay' like it was nothing? I looked at him. Confused as fuck, what?
He nodded again. Looking away from me, "okay." He whispers, but more of a reassureance to himself. I could hear the tears in his voice, if he was going to cry then I'll let him.
"Look, I know your angry at me. I bet your super pissed, but I didn't want to tell you. I know it hurts, I get it. But please, there was a reason." I said.
He looked at me with a nuteral face.
Neil's pov
Fuck! Oh my god, I can't believe it.. that's what he had to tell me? At this time? While I'm down? Fuck you. God you basterd, I don't care that he killed them. But this is not something to tell someone at their depressed state. You fucking moron.
"Look, I know your angry at me. I bet your super pissed, but I didn't want to tell you. I know it hurts, I get it. But please, there was a reason." he said. His eyes showed honesty, they were glazed over in tears. I know how fucked up this all was.
Why? Just... Why. I wasn't going to voice it out, even if I know there wasn't an exact answer to the question. He didn't need to know how much I cared.
"Yea... Ok." I said, looking away, I ripped my head down, tears streaming down my face. I didn't know how to take this. What am I supposed to do? Grieve? Maybe I should, but what there to grieve if I never had a reason to?
There is so much that could be turned against them and I couldn't bare to think about it.
Sir pulled me into his chest, unable to be bothered to resist him I let him tigten his grip on me. I could hear him muttering things that I didn't dare care to try and hear. Fuck you.
One last chapter before the book is finished. I hope you guys have enjoyed it so far, also sorry that it's so depressing now... Uhm yea. Anyway, thank you for reading!
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institution for the gays (Poly) ✓ (COMPLETE) (5 Edited Chaps)
Teen Fiction(bxbxmxm+)(poly realationship) (Update: only edited like 5 chapters the rest are unedited... So if it doesn't really make sense, Sorry.) Chapters with [M] in the title will be a mature chapter. __________________________________________ Neil has co...
