𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍
- casey willows, the nepo baby
of the BAU, starts an internship
at the fbi in quantico with the team
she's known since she was younger.
little would she know that this
would change everything.
in so many ways.
( karevsreid...
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DEPRESSION IS LIVING IN A BODY THAT FIGHTS TO SURVIVE, WITH A MIND THAT TRIES TO DIE. Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is. Depression is so insidious and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to never see the end. Depression is feeling like you've lost something but having no clue when and where you last had it. Then one day, you realize that the thing you lost is yourself. Casey felt that way for the last week and a half.
After Emily's funeral, the only thing Casey did was stay in bed. She would toss and turn every hour to maintain movement. She hadn't showered in almost a week. She laid in her filth, of tissues and books. Only thing that made her feel better was reading but no matter what book Casey read, nothing helped her.
Even going to her therapist wasn't helping. Her therapist recommended the girl to go through her grieving process naturally. Like Casey was gonna do well with that advice.
She checked her phone but never responded to anyone's messages. She didn't even bother to read them. Only person she wanted to see a message from was dead.
Casey occasionally got up out of bed and would use the bathroom and that was about the only time she would get out bed. Afterwards, she'd get back under the bed covers and stay there in hopes to join Emily with a sickening fate.
Maybe Casey could die in her sleep... or of starvation since she wasn't eating. Maybe a burglar could kill her in the middle of the night. She wanted to be with Emily. But something told her she had to stay. And obviously she couldn't straight up kill herself.
Today, Casey decided to get up.
For a moment, she forgot about Emily. She forgot about Ian Doyle. She forgot about letting Emily leave. She forgot about everything. Just for a mere moment.
Casey got out of her clothes and took a shower. Maybe she could deny that Emily was dead in her head. She was still alive in her head.
Denial is like a cloud that obscures the sky. It blocks the truth. It reduces clarity. It's like a remote location. One so well masked that many people deny having even heard of it let alone having been trapped in it. Denial is the beginning of the end. That's all Casey could do.
Deny, deny, deny. That denial soon ended and Casey realized that Emily wasn't coming back.
Baby steps were a part of the grieving process. Casey went back into bed and lasted another day in her bedroom, maintaining movement by tossing and turning every now and then. The next day, Casey sat up and sulked in the bed for at least an hour and she finally stood up and looked outside the window and she wanted the sun to go away. She wanted rain. She wasn't happy, so why did the world need to be?
