Teach me to trust

26. Changes

My friends get ready to leave soon after, after Keira has an outburst of anger, pacing across the room listing in vivid detail all of the things she was going to do to hurt Dylan. One of which included working up from his feet and up to his head, injuring him every way she could as she went.

I would have probably found it slightly disturbing if it was about anyone else, but I laugh as she fumes in front of me. I feel so much lighter now that I've gotten those words off my chest, I think the painkillers I took about 30 minutes ago helped, reducing the headache I've been sporting since the incident earlier.

Nate placed himself on the arm of the couch around the same time he brought me said painkillers and a glass of water, nodding at me to take them in silent command. He sits currently with his hand on my upper back, thumb tangled in the back of my hair as it moves gently.

Despite everyone else shrugging their jackets on and slipping back into their shoes, Nate seems to make no move to do the same and since he slid into my seat when I stood up, he looks awfully comfortable sat on the couch. JD leans over to give him a quick pat on the back goodbye as I often see men do, before saying goodbye and walking off to the front door, me following the group to let them out.

JD, Marc, Lily and Keira stand on my doorstep, taking turns giving me tight hugs and giving quiet words of reassurance, that they're here if I ever need and to look after myself. Keira seems to go the opposite direction, whispering words in my ear about how 'sinfully hot' the man still remaining in my house is and reminding me of the 'no glove, no love' rule sending me a conspiratorial wink and a thrust of the hips gesture and walking towards her car.

The four of them send me waves as they go and I catch JD sending Keira a few glances when she isn't looking, reminding myself to keep an eye on the two of them, turning around to enter back into my house and closing the door behind me.

I stand in the doorway and watch, as Nate collects the rubbish left on the table into a bin bag, then piles up the dirty pots into a pile moving to pick them all up when he spots me watching him. He stands up straight and puts the bag down by his feet, walking slowly over to me and stopping just in front of me. He lifts his hands to touch me when he stops and lowers his hands to his sides slowly.

He's clearly hesitant to touch me after what happened earlier, and I hate the idea that his attitude towards me could change, that he thinks his touch could break me and a sigh leaves my mouth at the idea, disappointment jolting through me.

I can see him looking at me in question for the look on my face and I move past him to pick up the plates, carrying them into the kitchen and leaving him stood there.

I'm leant over the sink washing up when he comes to lean on the kitchen side next to me, watching me as I move, placing the last dirty plate in the rack to dry then rubbing my hands on the towel. I expect him to reach out to hold me, but he stays still and silent next to me, not saying a word and I try not to get frustrated at his change in behaviour.

I move and lean against the side opposite him and running my fingers along the hem of my hoody,

"Are you planning on staying tonight?" I ask him, toying with a loose thread to avoid looking at him and potentially seeing a look of pity in his eyes.

It takes him a while to answer, and I risk a glance up at him and he's looking at me, thought written all over his face as if he genuinely doesn't know what to say. I feel my heart sink at the very real possibility that Dylan has driven a wedge between us, making the man in front of me feel like he has to walk on eggshells around me.

I don't want to be with someone who treats me like I'm breakable, this behaviour is so far from what I'm used to from him, the usually confident and self-assured man who wouldn't even need me to ask him.

"Okay um, well maybe you should go then" I nod at him, turning to wipe the kitchen side behind me and I hear him approach me.

A feather light touch on the back of my arm gives me goosebumps and I drop my head hearing his quiet breaths behind me and a gentle kiss is placed on the back of my head. I hear him taking a breath to say something when his phone starts ringing, interrupting whatever words were on the tip of his tongue.

I feel him step back from me and hear him answer his phone,

"Milly? What's up" and I squeeze my eyes shut as the sudden feeling that hits my stomach, silently reminding myself that he is not Dylan, and he has given me no reason not to trust him so far.

He steps out of the room to carry on his phone call and I busy myself with wiping down the kitchen sides, hearing snippets of his conversation as I do so, trying not to focus on the details and the fact that I can practically feel my brain closing in on itself, self-preservation in full swing.

I walk into the living room the clean the table and catch the end of his statement,

"No I can't come right now" and "I'm just busy" and when he sees me walk in he quickly ends the call, pocketing his phone and sending me a timid smile, still looking at me like I'm about to breakdown.

I can feel the frustration winning out in me now, leaning over to clean the table and sidestepping him when he stands closer to me, hands firmly in his pockets and I walk to the front door, knowing he's following me.

I turn to him and nod to his shoes and holding up his jacket, opening the front door to let him out.

"Thanks for staying to help me clean up, I really appreciate it" I nod at him and it seems to take him a moment for his brain to catch up with what I'm saying as his eyes dart to his jacket that I'm holding out to him, hand reaching out slowly to grab it from me.

"Right uh, yeah no problem" he rubs the back of his neck and slips his trainers on, stepping out of the door and turning to look at me, a sheepish look on his face and something that looks akin to regret, but I don't dwell on it for too long.

I nod my head at him and he nods back to me,

"I'll text you, okay?" he asks and I just smile at him, bidding him farewell and closing the door as he turns to go to his car.

I rub at my chest as I turn the lights off and go to my bedroom, slipping out of my clothes and into bed, an aching feeling there as my brain runs through the sudden lack of contact from Nate. A stark contrast from the way he usually can't keep his hands off me.

My phone dings next to me and I pick it up to see who it is, laughing when I see the text from Keira,

'Love you sugartits. I hope you're staying safe 👉🏻👌🏻" and I pains me to have to shatter her hopes for my nights ending,

'I'm being extremely safe' and her response is almost immediate,

'You clearly aren't getting any because you're texting me. Either that or he is seriously bad enough that you are capable of texting me'

'The first option; he isn't here' I reply back, awaiting her extremely dramatic response and being right on the money,

'Excuse me what the fuck? Why isn't that hot piece of ass in your bed right now? Is this the second man on my shit list tonight?' and I can't help but laugh despite my sour mood at the odd end to the night.

'I think what happened with Dylan has put him off, my damaged ass is clearly too much to handle'

'You better shut up with that attitude, there is nothing wrong with your fine ass. If a man can't see that he isn't worth it'  then another text from her a second later,

'....but I think you should talk to him about whatever was up with him. Get some sleep you beautiful bitch I'll text you in the morning'

'yes ma'am' I reply back to her, listening to her about sleeping and considering whether to talk to Nate about whatever happened tonight.