The Bodyguard ♡ Blackpink

Chapter 53

The Exception - Katie Pearlman

(Rosé's POV)
Coming tonight was a mistake.

I stare outside the tinted window of my car as my driver takes us through downtown. The same empty space in my chest is hurting. Although my blurred vision causes the city lights to appear fragmented, my tears don't fall. I guess I'm used to this.

I don't know what I was hoping when I flew in for the wedding. Y/N was going to be there, there was no doubt that. For my sake, Sam put me down on the list under a fake name. I don't think he told Y/N about me — he probably didn't think I'd come. Neither did I. But despite all that's happened, I wanted to push the past away and be okay with seeing her again. Perhaps seeing her one more time would finally give me the closure I needed.

Some gnarled part inside of me wanted to see her lonely and broken. Not okay without me in her life. Yet a bigger part of me wanted to see her happy. I didn't see either of those things tonight.

When I saw Y/N out of the corner of my eye at the processional during the ceremony, I did a double take. Soaked in her whole being as she walked across the room and took a seat by the front. She was alone. Her whole aura caused a hush in the atmosphere, all I could hear was blood pumping in my ears until I registered the dreamy music playing for the grooms walking down the aisle. Y/N was already standing. She turned and I watched as her eyes brightened, a smile finally shown. That darn smile.

After that, I wanted Y/N to see me. My heart raced in an alarming rate at the idea. I waited through the wedding's ceremony, and while I tried to focus my attention on the couple at the front, I couldn't help the way my gaze kept shifting to her. From where I stood, I only saw her from behind at an angle on the left. But it was enough to see her reactions and the way she'd adjust her sparkly golden dress.

And oh, how she looked gorgeous in that dress. She appeared more grown. It was noticeable in the way her curves filled out, her more defined facial features.

I kept waiting and Y/N seemed busy the whole time. The more hesitant I was, the more anxious I became about meeting her until I felt nauseous. My reserved seat was at a table more towards the back, one of the furthest, with a few kind strangers who didn't ask me much other than how I knew the grooms. I simply told them we were colleagues from work, to which they nodded and went back to their conversation between each other.

It wasn't until the end of the reception's dinner that I heard her speak for the first time in a year.

A young man in a sharp grey suit, seemingly in his late twenties, stood up and clinked his champagne glass with a teaspoon. A hush fell in the room and the music quieted down. It was obvious who he was. Other than his buzzcut hairstyle, you could have mistaken him for his older brother, Kevin.

Kevin's brother, Matthew, introduced himself. Good humour seems to be a running trait in their family, he had everyone laughing about a funny childhood story of theirs and ended his toast with a few loving words of encouragement and blessing. Matthew thanked everyone when he was finished. But just when I thought it was over, he walked over to another table and placed his hands on a woman's arms and helped her stand. It was Y/N. Matthew muttered something to her. She began laughing with him, all shy from everyone's attention as she stood up. The room's atmosphere quieted down again as she cleared her throat and smiled. After one glance between Y/N and Sam where he grinned and nodded at her, she seemed more reassured to start.

I know when she's nervous — but everyone in the room could see it then because her hands were shaking as she held up a small card and quickly read it. Y/N took a deep breath, then slowly began. I found myself silently rooting for her throughout her little speech.

"Yeah, hi—uh, everyone. Um, my name's Y/N. Well... I first had the pleasure of meeting Kevin a few years back when we were assigned the same clients for a band's tour. And-uh, honestly, my first impression of him was that he was kind and quiet, more on the mature side. Though, you spend a lot of time with someone on a tour bus and you'll realize pretty quickly how wrong first impressions can be.'

This earns a laugh from the people around. I can tell Y/N wasn't expecting it, her eyes widened a little. She was only being honest. But she just smiled and continued, weaving her hands in an animated fashion.

"Don't get me wrong, now. Kevin's great. I love him and he's got a great sense of humour. He's actually quite a loud guy, makes fun of you but of course never with disrespect, and he loves hugs. That's when it occurred to me that he really reminds me of someone else...' Y/N side-eyed Sam and everyone laughed again. My heart swelled seeing the confidence grow in Y/N. She turned towards the grooms and met Sam's loving gaze.

"And for my best friend... well, he already knows what I'll say. There's always been an understanding between us that manifested after we got close. We both know what it's like to... to be afraid of love and where it leads. It's more difficult than you think to trust someone.'

Y/N looked back at the crowd and continued, "I mean, if you would have told us even a few years ago that one of us was getting married soon, we'd look you straight in the eye to see if you were being serious, and then we'd laugh our heads off. It always seemed like an impossible idea for another lifetime... but I watched Sam and Kevin grow deeper and deeper in love the past few years. I watched as they worked through their differences, always keeping the best interests at heart for each other as they did, and it made me realize: soulmates don't meet and click together like pieces on a puzzle board just like that. The spark that brings them together does happen, but it is eventually replaced by something much better that takes lots of time and work to create. That thing that we all desire in our relationships. The stability which lets us know: everything's gonna be okay in the end.'

Y/N gestures with her hand to Sam and Kevin. "I know in my heart that they are perfect for each other. If you're lucky enough to find that thing in this lifetime, do your absolute best to keep it. Don't—' Y/N's voice faltered. She cleared her throat, then smiled, but I caught the flash of a recognition of pain on her face. The same pain struck me too and burned a hole in my chest.

"You'll regret deeply if you let it go."

That truly made me believe her for the next while. I set my plan in motion after that: I was gonna meet Y/N and start again. Hell, I would have proposed to her tonight if I could. I saw a balcony earlier that overlooked the city outside and that seemed perfect.

It didn't happen though, because when I finally worked up the nerve to go looking for her, I found her sitting with another woman at the bar. Talking, laughing, obviously flirting with her. It made me delusional, burning with jealousy and hoping that Y/N wasn't going to do anything with that woman. But she did.

Y/N stayed with that woman. Dancing with her and even kissed her. They left holding hands together, and like the loser I am, I followed them because I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

I never should have come.

I look down now at the drink in my hand, a bottle of liquor firmly gripped between my fingers, then bring the mouth to my lips and take a swig. The stuff burns my throat a bit. I don't care though. I don't really care about anything at this point, you get your hopes high and the world just crushes it down.

So I continue drowning my sorrows in this bottle as we drive into the night. My view of the sky through this window is more open now. The moon's visible in the distance, it's half-shaped, and for some reason, I want so badly for this moon to be my moon. Though I know that'll never happen, I imagine it is mine for tonight.

My moon maintains its far distance in this universe, but still, it seemingly follows me wherever I go. I know it'll hide again tomorrow when the sun rises, but day will turn to night and the seasons will go by too. I will see my moon again. Hopefully by then, I'll feel less broken and sad. I'll be in a better place when we meet again.