Beyond Human: Queen's Shadow Series

31.) Conspiracies and Maybes

~~~Apollos June 3, 1953

'You did it I am impressed I thought that you were going to run away.' I hear her unpleasant voice filling the air. I can't be bothered to listen to her, the way she talks it's almost as if she's happy that I have served such villainess desires. She's happy that I have murdered children, I didn't want to. I told myself that every moment. I am doing the right thing yet all I can feel is anger, what God would make me do this? What god makes this all right? I just want to be a good father but with every step I take, I feel myself being worse and worse as a person. How can my son grow up with a man like me? "I don't have anything to say to you. I have much to think about and I don't have time for your insults." Zamiel was clearly here to test my patience, she was also here to push my temperament. I was not here for any of it and I would not tolerate any of it.

"I'm not Hans, Zamiel. I will not allow you to insult me like you've done Hans." 'Oh Apollos, I'm not insulting you. I'm just stating,' "Facts," I say, cutting her off, "You may be stating facts Zamiel but the difference between me and you is that I feel this guilt that I have so desperately tried to ignore. Every one of these children is not coming back. I don't like killing people, especially people who have done nothing." She may have frozen time, but that doesn't mean she can stop me from doing my own personal work. As I finished writing out my personal things that I wanted to talk with Lilith about, I also made it so that I would be able to air these grievances out in a healthy manner, this is something that I remind myself that I'm doing.

'It seems Lucifer has given you a misplaced sense of pride.' She said to me with some snark. "No. I have only been reminded that I can respect myself and carry out my duties." After I said this, I walked away from her. It's then that she said, 'At least you have a sense of pride now.' This was an Archangel one of the closest beings to God. "How do you look me in the face?" Her face was curious but my eyes were empty. I had put everything together and it still didn't add up with Hans in a lot of areas. I killed so many people but there were still nagging questions, questions even I couldn't get out of the system. Looking him up in the vampire history painted a picture but didn't tell me anything.

'What do you mean?' She says, candidly. "Don't you think you're much too old to be playing stupid? Hans had a divine intervention," I said to her, "He had a divine intervention and also help" 'And what makes you assume that?' She says to me. I turn to her with a smile as I then say, "Because he got away from Lilith. Right before my wife was killed, he somehow managed to get away from her and from what she told me, she dragged him into the explosion radius. I've seen how long it takes for vampires to heal. Unless they're from the Morten family, they're not healing fast. Unless he had help?" 'Are you assuming that I helped him?' "I'm not assuming anything. I am being honest. You helped Hans escape. You also made it so that if he were to be caught, he would have a get out of jail free card."

'What is causing you to accuse me of such crimes?' I hear her say. "Because I learned something about you from Lilith and from Hans." 'Oh really?' "I know you're a force of nature. I also know that in order to make this plan work, you will destroy anyone you deem unnecessary. The real question is what will you do to ensure that I stand in line?" Her eyes focused on me and she finally realized it: I knew more than I let on. Not only did I know more than I let on, I knew how to play the part of an idiot well and she knew I did but her knowing this and me doing this is what surprised her. She thought I was going to wait, but that's not what I'm going to do anymore.

I'm tired of her doing as she wants, I knew what to do but this was not something I'd play the long game with. "You had something to do with my wife's death." 'Wendy?' She says, nonchalantly. "Yes, her," I say with a serious voice. 'Why are you focused on the past now? Don't you have a future ahead of you?' she says to me. I look at her as I say, "I do but the problem is that there are still too many nagging questions. The biggest one is why did you have to take her from me and why do you have to hurt me in the most brutal ways to make me stronger?"