Unexpected love | Thorin

15. Thorins thoughts

Two weeks after Azogs attack.

Thorin and the company had reach the lonely mountain just in time before the last light of Durin's day had ended. They had entered the mountain and Smaug the terrible had been destroyed, along with Lake Town and many innocent people in it.

During these few days the company had started noticing changes in Thorin. He wasn't himself, he was always angry and paranoid about someone stealing his gold and other riches.

Balin knew it was the sickness his grandfather Thror had, but Thorin was different. He was worse, he was much worse.

*Thorin's perspective*

Ever since I heard of Rebekah's death I have not been myself. I have felt an uncontrollable rage within me desperately trying to break threw. All I wanted to do find that piece of filth and make his death slow and painful. For Rebekah.

I have distanced myself from my fellow companions, rarely talking to anyone. I wonder the halls of Erebor imagining Rebekah next to me but her warm soft touch against my skin is just a memory. A movie in my mind I can not replay.

Ever since we left Rivendell I have wanted to give her the world, my kingdom and all the riches within. I wanted to share my life with her, build a family and grow old with her by my side.

I never had the chance to tell her and that would be my deepest and darkest regret.

I often looked back at the last night we had together. I remember yelling at her for believing in the hobbit. She looked so scared yet confused by my anger towards her. I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did nor will I ever forgive myself for not keeping my promise to her.

I promised her that nothing bad would ever happen as long as she was close to me but at my first test of honor I failed her. She died protecting me, it deeply pains me that I can not ever repay her for her heroic and honorable actions.

I walked down the throne room and sat down on the my cold throne. I looked around and saw all the gold, gems and diamonds surrounding me. I felt an uncontrollable anger inside me just waiting to explode.

I leaned my elbows on my thighs and buried my face in my hands and sighed loudly.

Suddenly the sound of footsteps caught my attention.

"Who dares enter without my consent?!" I yelled and looked up and saw Bilbo.

"It's just me, its Bilbo" he said and walked closer to me.

"What is your business here?" I spat with an angry voice and lifted my head from my hands. Bilbo's face filled with worry and fright but I did not care.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing" Bilbo calmly said.

"I'm fine" I answered and buried my face back into my hands.

"Look Thorin, I know you mourn Rebekah" Bilbo didn't have the chance to finish his sentence until I cut him off.

"Don't you dare mention her name!" I yelled and quickly stood up and walked up to Bilbo.

Bilbo looked scared, he didn't say anything but he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of cloth. I looked down at his hands and saw a sewn picture of the Rivendells banner. My heart started racing at the memory of Rebekah, I exhaled loudly as my eyes started at the worn fabric.

"What is this?" I asked and looked at him.

"Rebekah gave this to me when we left Rivendell. She wanted it so she could have something with her from home, but she gave it to me so I could have something with me to remind me of Rivendell when I'm back at Bag End" Bilbo answered and handed me the piece of cloth. I gentry grabbed the fabric and looked at every little detail.

"I want you to have it, I know you love Rebekah and I know she loved you too. Don't blame yourself for what happened" Bilbo said and gently patted me on my shoulder.

"I should have saved her" My voice broke as my eyes started to burn as tears started to form in them. "If I hadn't been so foolish and allowed myself to get consumed with revenge she would still be alive!" I yelled. " If I hadn't been so foolish Rebekah would be here with me, she would be right next to me at this very moment!" I screamed in anger and looked up at Bilbo.

"Thorin. You haven't been yourself since she passed. She wouldn't have wanted you to fall into darkness" Bilbo said with a sigh before turning around and slowly made his way out of the throne room.

I walked over and sat back down on my throne with my eyes glued on the piece of cloth. Rebekah came back into my thoughts and my tears were to hard to fight. I closed my sad and heartbroken eyes and allowed them to run freely down my cheeks.

"How could I be so foolish, Gandalf was right... my pride would be my downfall" I whispered to myself as I violently threw a large gem resting on the throne across the room.