ℭ𝔬𝔯𝔭𝔰𝔢 ℌ𝔲𝔰𝔟𝔞𝔫𝔵ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯: 𝔖𝔢𝔠𝔯𝔢𝔱 𝔑𝔢𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔟𝔬𝔯

𝔗𝔴𝔬 𝔏𝔦𝔣𝔢 𝔏𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔰

*C's POV*

Too scared to drive, I took the bus back to the apartment building. First I went to my apartment and put out enough food and water for Bingus for a week. I then went to my room and packed a week's worth of clothes and disposable masks. I went into the bathroom and packed a body wash, toothpaste, and a toothbrush. Before leaving the apartment, I turned off all the lights.

I went next door to (Y/N)'s and did the same. I walked to the bus stop with two duffle bags. The whole time all I can think about is how it was my fault. If she didn't take me to the doctor, this wouldn't have happened. We would probably be laughing and cooking lunch while watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians or something. 
I looked down. "(Y/N)." I said softly. I just wish it was me in the driver's seat instead. I don't give a damn about me, but her? Why her?  

When I got back to the hospital, I went into (Y/N)'s hospital room. She was out of the ICU but still can't breathe on her own or wake up. I looked at the nurse and doctor and thanked them for agreeing to let me stay by (Y/N)'s side. "Whenever you're hungry or need something just us know." the nurse smiled. I nodded. "And try talking to her, that'll help wake her up maybe." she smiled walking out. The doctor looked at me. "It's not your fault son. It's that damn driver that wasn't paying attention. She's very lucky to have a friend like you. You saved her life." he smiled before leaving.

I put our bags in the closet and sunk into the chair next to her bed. "I don't feel like you're lucky. If I didn't let you take me, you wouldn't be here. I'm so, so sorry (Y/N). I got you hurt." I said, grabbing her hand. It was soft, warm, and small in mine. "Just, wake up soon ok? It's just that, remember you said you don't know how I lived without you?" I asked. I looked down and smiled softly. "I really don't know either. And I don't want to. So please? Wake up?" I begged.

I dragged my hand up then down my face. "Until you do decide to stop being lazy. I'm not leaving this room." I said. I looked up and closed my eyes. "I promise I'll be the first thing you see when you wake up." I promised.

I sighed and looked at her. "I'm glad we have each other. It's sad to know if we didn't and we were in the hospital like this, no one would be here. Well, know I'm here. I know that if it were reversed you would do the same."
I looked at her sleeping eyes and the machine attached to her mouth and nose helping her breath steady. "I don't know why though. I give you nothing and I have nothing to give. I don't even feel comfortable giving you my real name and you're ok with that. I don't understand why. Why do you insist on going with me to grocery shop, cook with me, hang out with me, shit (Y/N), you even come with me to doctors appointments; and you ask for nothing in return? I don't understand. I'm a famous youtuber. You can get a lot of clout for exposing me, you could blackmail me for money, sell my picture, but you don't. Instead, you support me, feed me, and wait hours in a waiting room for me. It just doesn't make sense. And it doesn't make sense that I would do the same for you." 

I looked up and closed my eyes. "You're just so good. Too good to be alone, too good to be stressed out over college, work, and bills, too good to be in this bed, and too good form. So why am I going to still try to keep you by my side for as long as I can? I'm selfish. I'm so fucking selfish but I can't help it with you. We've only known each other for a short amount of time but I need you (Y/N). I need your voice, your eyes, your smile, your- your laugh. I need you."

I looked back rather. "I really hope you can't hear me because this is so humiliating, but I need to get this all out now..." I put my hand on hers. "In case it becomes too late."I said sadly. 

I sighed and shook my head. "You would hit me in the arm for not looking at the bright side. Just, wake up soon ok? Take your time, but soon? Please?" I said, drifting asleep in the chair with her hand in mine. It just felt right, her and I being close to each other. I think that's why it was so easy for me to fall asleep. She makes me feel comfortable and safe. (Y/N)' the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground when I'm flying into depressive state.

It was only this morning when I was making breakfast that I was fantasizing about her going to sleep in my bed in my oversized t-shirt and her coming into the kitchen to eat with me a drink coffee. Her spending every day all day with me and only me. Her arms wrapped around me tight and mine doing the same. 
I know it's a lot and stupid, trust me I'm embarrassed, but it seems ok with her. Something I could do every day for the rest of my life and not be tired. It's the type of feeling so strong I really think if I only had her, food, and water in the apartment I'll survive without leaving, and I hate it. It scares me to care for her like that. She can leave anytime whether it's of her own will or not. Sooner or later and I'll never be ready.
She's my lifeline and I want to be hers. For now, it's this stupid machine. "Just please wake up. Open your eyes, please." I thought to myself.

I wiped my face with my hands, sighed, and looked at her. "What the fuck are you doing to me?" I asked softly.