ℭ𝔬𝔯𝔭𝔰𝔢 ℌ𝔲𝔰𝔟𝔞𝔫𝔵ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯: 𝔖𝔢𝔠𝔯𝔢𝔱 𝔑𝔢𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔟𝔬𝔯

ℭ𝔞𝔯𝔢

"To put it shortly, you fucked up?" C said sipping his red wine.

Chris shot an irritated look at C. "If you want to put it shortly yes, obviously, but-"

"There you go with that 'but.' Even though you had your reasons, it's never ok to try and justify mistreating someone you love. You took your personal issues and pushed them on someone younger because you knew you could do it, and you knew you could do it because your mom did it to you. You're no better than the woman who ruined your life, it's just different because (Y/N) is better than you were." C took another sip of wine.

Chris blinked at him; He was speechless. "What are you a therapist or something?"

"No, I'm someone who loves you sister."

"Then how do I fix this?" Chris asked.

"Space, giving her time-"

"I gave her two years!" Chris shot up.

"If your mom were to knock on your door, would you forgive her with open arms? The amount of time, energy, and money she sucked from you?" C asked.

"That was different, you don't understand how that was!"

C put down his wine glass. "No I don't, but you do. So why would you put your sister through the same thing? Maybe that's what hurts her the most; That you know the pain a decided to put her through it. It hurts her that you didn't care."

I removed my ear from the door and went to sit on my bed. I looked out the window as the rain poured and put my head in my knees.
"This is so embarrassing." I looked up and looked over at my nightstand at the razor blades peeping from under my books. I keep them hidden so I don't think about it, but I'm too weak to get rid of them.

"This is all my fault. I can do anything right. I destroy everything I touch..." I looked at the scars on my legs. "Including myself."

*This chapter is really short because this is a sensitive topic. My being anonymous encourages me to share this with you all. Im eighteen now and just learned in October after spending two weeks in a psychiatric hospital that I'm not damaged or broken. People I love like a boyfriend my own mom etc. tell me otherwise and my being sick, I sometimes cave. No one is broken or damaged. You don't destroy everything or everyone you touch, and it's ok to need help. 

Some people will try to tell you otherwise, that asking and needing help is a burden but it's not. Even if it were, why would you choose people that make you feel such ways over yourself? Some people will make you feel like life would be better if you weren't there if you had just died, but YOUR life would be better if THEY weren't in it. LEAVE. It is always ok to leave when you feel like you're not getting the love or respect that you deserve. Leave and learn to give those things to yourself. 

I type this as I'm still trying to learn these lessons myself, but some of my readers may be older or the same age as me, shit possibly younger it doesn't matter. I know that feeling like you're damaged as a person is heart-wrenching and when a loved one says it you may feel like you're heart is on an endless journey sinking to your feet. You're never alone in this world just because people close to you make you feel like you are.

If you guys ever need to talk, rant or you need a lifeline private message me, and ill give you my personal insta. <3 Or call the 988 suicide hotline for 24-hour services