Is this the final stop? (Toni Shalifoe)

Chapter 33

TW: mentions of suicide

"Are your eyes still closed?" Toni asks Shelby in the car. Shelby sits upright, rigid, her hands fidget. Shelby nods, eyes still shut.

"Okay," Shelby can hear Toni's voice say, "You're going to hear the car door open. That's mine, I'll walk around and open yours."

"Why can't I just open my eyes and walk out like a normal human bein'?" She asks carefully, but light enough as a joke.

Toni doesn't answer. Shelby only hears the door open and slam shut. Shelby sits in the quiet car. Her knee starts to bounce to exert her nervous energy, but she's starting to smile.

Toni opens the passenger side door. She takes Shelby's arm and helps her out of the car. Shelby clumsily places her feet on the ground. Her feet land on the ground and her toes can feel the tickle from the blades of grass. Shelby giggles and leans into Toni for balance.

It's nice for both of them to be in each other's arms.

Toni lets out a shaky breath. Shelby stiffens at the sound of it. She bites her lip. Toni wordlessly leads her up a small hill. To focus on her balance, Shelby keeps her head down and her eyes squinted shut. However, for a moment, she takes a peek and sees only a flash of Toni's purple vans.

Toni feels Shelby relax in her arms. She's not sure why. They make it to the top of the hill and Toni takes a deep breath. She clasps her hands, and then releases them, not sure how she should do this, this reveal, "Before you—"

Annoyed by Toni now, Shelby opens her eyes. She squints, getting used to the sudden light. It's an overcast day, but the clouds seem brighter than usual. It takes a moment for Shelby's eyes to adjust. She looks left and right.

She stops breathing.

She looks straight ahead. Directly in front of her is Becca Gilroy's headstone.

They are about six feet away from it, Toni having obviously thought about where the casket might be underground. Shelby's hand covers her mouth and she takes a few more steps back, feeling like she's much too close. That's she's standing on top of her. That she's the reason she's in the ground in the first place.

Shelby keeps stepping away from the grave, but ends up backing into another headstone. She spins around to see it and immediately pushes herself away from it. "Wh—wh—why?" She can barely stutter out.

"Okay, I know—I know how it seems at first—"

"No, Toni, you don't know. You don't know anythin,'" Shelby scolds.

"Well, I was trying to and I thought that—"

Shelby threads her fingers through her hair and tightens the ponytail until it hurts.

"No, no no..." she says to herself. She can't catch her breath. She whips her head around, taking in the scene. They are atop of this small hill that overlooks the rest of the cemetery. She sees a steeple of a church in the distance. There are many trees giving cover to the graves. Flowers tucked in by the corners, flags stuck in the ground, curled paper notes, having survived a rainstorm or two.

Her eyes trail back to Becca's as if she is asking permission to let her eyes rest there.

There's nothing there. No flowers. No teddy bears or condolence cards. Just dirt. Fresh dirt. Shelby's eyebrows furrow at the sight, not quite understanding the full scene.

"Why isn't there—didn't her parents—I mean, it's barren," Shelby stutters out. "She can't just—she deserves—"

"Flowers," Toni finishes. She pulls out a bouquet from behind her. They are yellow with baby's breath. Leah picked them up from the store. "I didn't know what she liked, but these reminded me of the sun." She offers the flowers to Shelby.