Risking It All

35. Wave Of Nerves

I sit here watching him. My heart feeling like it could burst with how much love I have for him. I get this wave of sadness when I realize I'm likely almost out of time with him before he has to leave. I know we'll survive, and I can't wait for Sammie and I to go and surprise them on Sunday. But I don't want my safe place to leave. I'm also afraid of getting hit with a wave of emotion about all that happened tonight after I go back home. I'll have to tell my parents what happened. Have to relive it all again. But this time I won't have him here. I'll be alone, so to speak. I have to compose myself now though. If he senses a hint of any of this, he'll try to stay. His team needs him, and I don't want him thinking he can't go.

I lean my head back and close my eyes. I try to take some deep breaths to help calm my brain back down. I try to think about the surprising him part, and how excited he'll be. We'll get the whole three hour drive back together, plus the extra time Tuesday after work. I think I've managed to calm myself down enough just in time. I feel his hands on my legs, as he moves them apart gently and wraps them around his waist. When I look at him, he's searching my eyes and face like I knew he would.

"Whatcha hoping to find?"

"I don't know. Just trying to figure out what's on your mind, and how you're doing after tonight."

"I may be a bit nervous about having to relive it all tonight when I have to tell my parents about it."

He takes my hands and pulls me to him. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me. He always seems to know what I need. I place my left hand on the nape of his neck, and use my right to comb my fingers through his wet hair. He nuzzles his face against my neck and let's out a little moan. When he pulls away, he strokes my cheek with his thumb and looks in my eyes with so much love.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Don't you have to leave soon?"

"Craig called coach after he left here and explained what happened. Coach said that as long as Craig, Carter, and I are there by 11 p.m., that we don't have to leave with the rest of them. He just wants everyone there and checked in before then. We can get cleaned up here and go to your house. I can bring everything with me and Craig can just pick me up from your place, if you want."

I sit back and am now the one searching his eyes. I don't want him to feel like he has to do this, or that he has to leave late because I need him.

"Are you sure?"

"Do you want me to go with you?"

I find myself trying to look away from him, he cups my face and doesn't let me.

"You're not a burden, my love. I will still be going with Craig. You don't have to worry about me changing my mind. If you want me there with you when you tell them, then I'll be there. If you'd rather do it on your own, I don't have to come."

"I want you there. I didn't want to tell them by myself and then be alone with all the feelings afterwards. I didn't want me to be the reason you were late, and I didn't want you to feel like you couldn't leave me this weekend."

He kisses me over and over, and I needed it. I press myself right up against him, as close as I can possibly get, and he holds me tight. After he feels me relax a bit, he gives me little kisses all over my face, which makes me smile.

"That's the smile I love to see."

He looks over at the clock on the wall, and it's already almost 6:30 p.m.

"Wait a second, we never had dinner, did we?"

"No, I guess not."

Now that we're thinking about food, I'm starting to feel hungry. When I look at him, he seems to be feeling the same way.