A Court of Snow and Storms

4. Vague Unspoken Truths

Elodie didn't come the next evening, and Wynter was unable to hide his dismay. He sat in his office, head propped up in his hands as he read over a few documents his father had sent him. Most of them were just reports, but a few he would have to respond to with letters. There was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in," Wynter muttered. He massaged his temples with a weary sigh.

"It's late. Those documents can be tended to in the morning," Colette said.

"I'd rather do them now. Why haven't you gone home yet?"

"Cyrus told me Ellie hasn't come by."

His heart stumbled. "I hadn't noticed. That's good. Maybe she's finally gotten the hint."

"You're trying too hard to sound like you don't care." Colette dropped into a chair before his desk. "There's nothing wrong with caring for someone, Wyn."

"There is if you're me," he barked. Wynter closed his eyes, releasing a slow breath. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right. Tell me what you mean, exactly. Why can't you care for someone?"

"I just can't. You've heard the things people have begun to say about me. Already, they're disrespecting my parents on my behalf." He threaded his fingers through his loose hair.

"And you think that bothers them? They are worried about how this is affecting you."

"It doesn't matter how it affects me. If the Court rejects me, they can always have another child to proclaim Heir. But if the Court rejects them and me? We'll have an actual rebellion on our hands." Wynter ran his hands up and down his arms. "It's better for Ellie if I keep my distance. She spoke to me yesterday. I didn't realize she was there. I...I touched her and she flinched."

"I'm sure it wasn't because of you."

Wynter ignored the comment. "She doesn't deserve to have her name attached to mine. She doesn't deserve the resentment and disrespect that she'll receive because of me."

Colette tilted her head. "Wynter, do you believe you deserve this treatment?"

He narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"Exactly what I said. Do you believe you deserve this? To be shut away from your friends and family? To isolate yourself? To hear the wicked things people are saying and not speak a word in your own defense? To force yourself to keep your distance from those you care about? Do you believe you deserve that?"

Yes, he answered, though he didn't voice the word.

Yes, he deserved it. If only he'd found out about Melantha sooner. If only he'd ignored Ellie when he ran into her, and instead gone straight to the Dawn Court. If only he'd paid closer attention to the signs. If he'd been stronger, faster, smarter... He could've stopped the Bloodless Witch. He could've stopped everything. He'd almost killed Melantha, but he'd failed and it nearly cost Ellie her life.

His failure had cost everyone so much. Evren, Elain, Cresseida, Venelia, Estelle...their children, who hadn't even been born at that time. His failure cost them dearly. It had cost him his body. It almost cost his own life. Wynter touched the scars on his throat. If only he'd died then. If only...

"Wynter." Colette's voice drew him from his thoughts. "I can see your answer written plainly on your face. You do not deserve this. Any of this. Do you hear me?" He nodded. "Do you believe me?" Wynter shook his head.

Colette sighed, drumming her nails on his desk. "Well, it's the truth. After everything you did, everything you sacrificed, you deserve only praise and admiration. Not the disrespect you've been shown. And I'm sure Ellie agrees. You should talk to her again. You seemed a little happier when you came home yesterday. I think she's good for you."