𝐂𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀 | ✔️

15

CECILIA ADAMS

me and josh made plans to go out to caffeine and co., for dinner today. just recently they released a dinner menu which absolutely thrilled me. i was so excited, i heard their chicken schnitzel is to die for.

we walk in and take a seat after seeing a sign that says seat yourselves! so we go to a booth and take a seat across from each other.

i hear loud laughing and chatter coming from across the cafe/restaurant, i turn my gaze and- for fuck sake. why are they everywhere? why is he everywhere.

literally i don't understand.

his laser eyes are dead set on mine. his beautiful, dazzling, laser eyes. stop.

after today, when him and his buddies said those awful things to carter i can't look at him, i feel sick.

i break eye contact and turn my gaze to josh. "so for prom..." i trail and he looks up and grins at me, "are we gonna meet up at my house or yours or at school?"

"up to you."

"we can meet up at school if you want."

"whatever you want, cece."

i nod and take a look at the menu even though i already know what i want.

"what're you gonna order?" josh asks me as he flicks through the menu looking at the pasta options.

"probably a chicken schnitzel with extra mushroom sauce." i tell him. "what about you?"

"fettuccine alfredo pasta." he says as he closes the menu and places it on the table. "i see samuel and his minions are here."

i roll my eyes and scoff. "they're literally everywhere."

he nods agreeing with me. "he can't stop looking at you."

i haven't even noticed that. josh is probably making it up to mess with me.

"pfft, yeah probably planning on how he's going to cut up my intestines." i scoff and laugh to myself.

"cece, you don't know do you?"

"know what?"

"sam is literally obsessed with you." he tells me chuckling to himself.

i laugh again. "i already knew that."

josh smiles. "no, obsessed as in he likes you."

i roll my eyes and take a sip of my water. "yeah, for sure."

literally the funniest thing i've heard. we sound like we're in middle school.

"c'mon cece, it's so obvious,"

i widen my eyes sarcastically and shake my head as i continue to laugh to myself. "you're funny."

"cecilia," he starts, "you're dumb and blind if you can't see."

"guess i'm dumb." i tell him as i refrain from chuckling again, "and blind."

***

"fuck, i'm full." i say as i place my fork and knife down as i grab my stomach tightly which causes a small, sharp pain probably from a bruise. "imma head out."

i almost flinch as i'm about to say the word home instead of 'out'.

home. how should i define that? normally a home is defined as an enjoyable, happy place where one lives, laughs and learns with their family. home to me is a place in which is avoided at all costs which causes permanent pain, trauma and punishments. i don't live. i don't love. i don't learn. i don't have a family to do either of those.

now how should i define a family? i can't. i don't have a family but i do however have an alcoholic, abusive father, an uncle who i should not waste a second of my mind on, and a deceased mother. the rest of my family tree ghosted us... and each other.

the closest people to family are mandy, mariam and gigi but they're not enough. of course they're enough, but it hurts knowing the fact that all your blood relatives have ran away, died, alcoholics or child predators.

"want me to drive you?" he asks as he grabs his wallet and opens it up.

i shake my head.

the thought of my father seeing a boy drop me off scares me. he would beat me up and then beat him up. i can't have people know what my father does.

some people would say that it doesn't make sense, i can just talk to someone, he would go prison and i would live a happy life. that comes from the people with perfect lives with a perfect family who's hardest hardship is failing an exam and getting grounded.

it's not easy. it'll never be easy. i hate myself how i accidentally told samuel about my father. he's the last person i would want to know.

he acts like he cares for me when we're alone, it's only to make him feel better about himself. i may have a shitty life but i would never go the extra extent to make someone else's life shitty.

"alright, i'm gonna pay wait right here." he tells me and stands up. i stand up with him and put my hand on his wallet.

"stop." i say and pull out a $20 bill from my pocket but he stops me.

"cece," he says with a smile. i can't let him pay.

i feel bad. he's paying for my prom dress, he sometimes pays for my school lunch, now dinner?

"josh, it's fine. we can split the bill." i assure him. this is my last bill but i don't want him to know that.

"are you sure?"

i nod and pull him in a hug. i give him the bill and strap my bag on my shoulder. "i'm just going to go bathroom, you can leave when you're done paying."

"want me to wait for you?" he asks as he puts extra money back in his wallet.

"nah it's all good." i pull him in for one last hug. "thanks for tonight, you're a great friend. i'll see you tomorrow."

"see you tomorrow."