Break Me (Doctor Who Fanfiction)

Chapter 9 ― Guilt Trip

***100 VOTES FOR CHAPTER 10***

Hey hey! sorry for the wait, I've been addicted to zoo tycoon lately and completely forgot yesterday. Fail, I know XD Anyways, next chapter is the last chapter I'll post before putting the story on hold. I promise you that it will not take more than a month! and I will be posting another story in the meantime. I also have to find the time to write a something for this summer since I will be extremely busy working 40hours a week and will not have time to write than and I wouldn't want to leave you guys with nothing :/ I had an idea for a Harry Potter fanfic, but not all of you are HP fans, so we'll see.

I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

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CHAPTER 9

GUILT TRIP

I don't really know why I was sobbing in my room at the end of the night. Everything had gone fine with Jack. More than fine! I had an absolutely wonderful time. He really made me laugh and I'm starting to really like him. So why was I crying?

I guess what happened once he took me to my room kind of got to my head.

We walked back to Torchwood hand in hand, still laughing and everything was nice. Once there, I was getting sleepy, so he offered to walk me back to my room. I took his offer and we went down the elevator together. He was being flirty, but sweet the whole way down. It was right in front of my door that things got heated.

A silence fell and he looked me in the eyes with a straight face, all jokes aside. He started to lean in and I realized what was happening. And I realized that I didn't want to kiss him. And then I also felt bad that I didn't want to kiss him. He had been so sweet and nothing but perfect to me and there I was, trying to find a way to dodge his kiss. I guess it was out of guilt, but I leaned in as well and kissed him back.

It wasn’t bad, Jack was an excellent kisser, his lips were soft and enjoyable. At first, he kept it light and sweet, but when I started to pull away, his lips became firmer and his hands grabbed the sides of my face, pulling me closer to him. He kissed me passionately and I kissed him back the same, starting to really get into it. I wrapped my own arms around his neck and our bodies were as close as they could be.

One of his hands left my face to slide down my waist to reach the door knob. He opened my bedroom door and, without being brutal, pushed me into the room to the bed where he laid me down. He was then on top of me, still kissing me powerfully. All his fingers were running over my body and I could feel the bulge in his pants.

Suddenly, I realized where this was going and I didn’t want to go there. I kiss out of guilt is acceptable, but this? No. I started to shake in fear and panic. I roughly pushed him away from me.

“AJ, what’s wrong?” he asked concerned, now standing in front of my bed.

“Nothing... I mean... I-I don’t want to, Jack... I’m sorry, I just don’t... feel ready. What happened in France was a mistake...” I babbled, embarrassed.

“Oh...” he said, looking very disappointed. “This is about the Doctor, isn’t it?”

“No, not at all! I just don’t feel like having sex... with anyone. Not for now.”

“I guess I can understand that, I can’t begin to understand what you’ve been through, AJ... It’s fine if you don’t want to date me...” he said sadly, but managed to flash me a sweet smile.

I saw that he misunderstood what I meant by France being a mistake. I quickly explained myself.

“Jack, you aren’t the mistake. Having sex was. I just can’t at the moment. But if you would be willing to be patient with me, I would love to date you some more. I just need time to get more comfortable with you first.”

He took a moment to think over my offer. I knew Jack was a very... fast moving person. Sex was something of essential in a relationship from what I could tell. What I was asking of him, time to get my head right, could be something of a challenge for him. I crossed my fingers in my back he would say yes, because I wanted to be with him.

Finally, after a long moment of silence, he spoke.

“AJ, as much as I would love to tear your clothes off right now, I respect that fact that you don’t want to and if you want, I would love to take you on a second date,” he smiled.

My heart skipped a beat and a wide grin appeared on my lips. I was so happy he said yes, I knew I was asking much of him, but I guessed he was the one who accepted right?

I got up and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me, Jack... I promise that for you, I’ll do my best,” I said into his ear.

And with that, we shared one last kiss before he left the room to go back to his office up stairs.

But once the door closes behind him and I was completely alone, I broke down in tears. It took over my whole body and I was shaking with sobs. I had to let myself fall down on the bed before I tumble to the floor. I hadn’t had the slightest clue what was wrong with me, but I just felt guilty. So incredibly guilty, like I had done something terribly wrong.

And I thought to myself maybe – just maybe – the Doctor had something to do with the terrible feeling I had in my chest. And I cursed at him. He couldn’t hear me, but words of rage left my lips.

“God dammit, Doctor! Why have you done this to me! All I ever wanted in this crazy messed up world was a normal life! Now I can’t even date a guy without wanting you instead. You, a mad old alien flying away in a magic box. You are anything but normal, but you are the one I want... And... Maybe I kind of hate you for that.”

***100 VOTES FOR CHAPTER 10***