happier ✓

nine

Should I get my gun? Is it a burglar? In the end, I decided not to get my gun and also already knew what or who it was as soon as I got out of my room. I already hear Kiara's cries from downstairs in the kitchen. "What are you doing?" I ask her as soon as I see her picking up the shattered glass from the door while holding back her sobs. I walk over to her, got the glass out of her hand and continued picking up the other pieces off the floor. She hands me the garbage can and waits for me to throw the glass into it.

"Can you tell me what is going on here? Why are you crying? It's..." I stop talking and look at the clock in the kitchen before looking back at her. "It's four in the morning, Kiara. What are you doing?" "I was thirsty and got sad because I liked this glass." She tells me, avoiding eye contact and wipes her tears occasionally. "I literally have ten of these. Don't fuck with me, tell me what is going on." "It's nothing." Kiara starts walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs as I follow her. "It's not nothing, Kiara. Tell me." She doesn't walk into her room. She walks into mine. "Please stop, Ryan. Just stop." I close the door behind me and she stands with her back turned to me. Her voice is filled with pain and anger. "What is it that you're running from?! What are you so fucking afraid of?!" My voice gets louder than I wanted but she turns around. Her beautiful diamond coloured eyes are red and swollen, her whole face red.

"My boyfriend!" She shouts at me while sitting down on my bed. I join her but keep my distance. "I am running from my abusive,controlling rapist of a boyfriend! Now you'll have to listen." I don't want her to have the feeling of being pushed to tell me something but I want nothing more than help her. So I guess that I really have to listen now

"I met Logan when I was sixteen. He moved to Toronto and was in the same classes with me. At first we were just friends but we got together soon after this. We were in love. Well I was in love. The first two years were perfect. He was amazing. But he had major jealousy issues. He once accused me of cheating on him with a friend of his while he was in a bad state because he had problems in his family.
That night was the first time he raped me. We just graduated high school and lived together in a small flat. I worked in a café down the street for more than twelve hours a day so we could afford the apartment and some food. He picked me up from work and saw me talking to a friend of his. He said that I would've cheated on him, which I obviously didn't do. He wanted to fuck to give his anger some space. I didn't. So he just did it without my permission. I tried to get himm off of me but he-"

She stopped for some moments and held her idex finger under her nose to stop her sobs a little before continuing.

"He took a rope and tied my hands with it behind my back. He ripped off my clothes and started hitting me before starting the rape. He choked me so that I wasn't able to breathe properly for minutes. He only softened the grip a little when he saw that I was about to get unconscious. He called me names during the time and continued hitting me until he was finished. He didn't even untie my hands. He left to go partying, leaving me naked and tied up in bed for the whole night.

The same thing happened when he came home in the afternoon after being out and many times after that. His jealousy got worse so he forced me to quit my job. I hardly was allowed to go out or meet with others. The only person I was allowed to meet was Amy so that she wouldn't get suspicious. A year later, he absolutely lost his mind and sanity when his Father died. He was out every night and the thing that has changed was that when he was going out, he tied me to a chair, so that I couldn't even move around in the apartment. He left me on the chair for nights, even days sometimes. I would have to clean up the mess that I caused because I had to pee really badly and stopped holding it back after a fight for hours. He would also hit me after that and tell me to clean myself up only to get his pleasure out of this.

But that wasn't even half as bad as the next thing he did. I got pregnant at nineteen. Of course he gave me the fault for it. But he was surprisingly calm about it. Until he found out the gender of the baby. We found out that it would've been a little boy. He waited until I was eight months along."

She pauses again but doesn't try to hold back her crying. It breaks me.

"He pushed me down the stairs so that I landed on my bump. He said that he would always be the only man in my life so we are not having a son. He did the whole talking in the hospital and of course I have lost him. I had to give birth to my dead baby. I begged Logan to not go with me during it. I knew that he wouldn't let me hold him for once at least... I just wanted to hold him for once and I didn't even get that. They took him away from me as soon as he was out of me. He didn't even get buried. But Logan kind of liked the thought of being a Father and so having control over two people. He raped me every single night. It didn't work in the beginning but after some months, I was pregnant.

This time I was the one that wanted to push myself down the stairs because I knew what life my baby would have ahead of it. But I didn't do it. I couldn't. Then I got my little Nevaeh. She was my wonder because the raping and hitting stopped for some time after her birth. It didn't last long. The hitting started again but he has never laid a single hand on his daughter. Until this night I when I ran away. He almost hit her. He was drunk and she wasn't able to sleep so she cried. It annoyed him so he almost used the same technique like he did with me but stopped as soon as he realized what he was about to do. I was gone as soon as he fell asleep and I can't ever risk him to find out where we are."

She finished the story and only now I realize the warm liquid in my face. I don't remember me starting to cry but I must've done it for a long time. "I knew that it would be bad but I definitely did not expect this. I am so, so sorry, Kiara." I tell her as she straddles my lap, still crying. "What are you doing, Kiara?"

„Can you make me forget? Please?"