Love Me or Hate Me

EPISODE 20

“Bakit ang seryoso mo yata ngayon?”
 
Napatitig na lang si Lemuel sa kaibigan niya habang kumakain sila ng pananghalian. Magmula kasi nang pumasok sila sa trabaho, seryosong-seryoso at hindi gaanong umiimik si Javi. Lemuel even tried to surprise him in the stock room, but the latter didn’t even react at all.
 
“Talaga bang kahit kaliit-liitang pagbabago sa behavior ko papansinin mo?” sagot naman ni Jarvey.
 
“Dude, I’m your friend. Madalas tayong magkita. Kilalang-kilala rin kita, kaya kahit kaunting pagbabago lang sa ugali mo ay mapapansin ko na agad,” sagot naman ni Lemuel.
 
Javi just sighed deeply before turning his attention back to his food.
 
“Hoy, magsalita ka naman,” sabi ni Lemuel sabay siko sa kanya. “Did something happen? Is there anything bothering you?”
 
The holidays are finally over. Kabuwanan na rin ngayon ni Asa. Dati-rati ay hindi nagpupunta si Javi sa condo ni Asa kapag linggo, pero ngayon ay araw-araw na siyang pumupunta sa kanila. In fact, doon na nga natutulog si Javi ngayon para mabantayan niya si Asa nang maigi. Madalas na ring maglagi sa condo ang crew ni Asa, lalo na sina Lino at Tommy na makatutulong sa kanila kung sakaling kailangang isugod ang boss nila sa ospital. At this point, naghihintay na lang silang manganak si Asa.
 
Hindi rin maiwasan ni Javi na kabahan. Asa and the baby are in a good condition, so they shouldn’t encounter any problem once Asa gives birth. Still, childbirth is a serious matter. Sa ngayon, Javi is praying to the heavens and his father for a safe childbirth for Asa.
 
“Ganyan ka ba ka-seryoso kasi kabuwanan na ngayon ni Asa?” tanong pa ni Lemuel.
 
Javi let out another sigh. “I know he and the baby will be safe, so I’m not that nervous. Hindi lang naman panganganak ni Asa ang nasa isip ko ngayon,” paliwanag niya.
 
“Then tell me what’s in your mind,” sagot ni Lemuel. “Ito naman. Ngayon ka pa ba mahihiyang magsabi sa ‘kin? We’re bros!”
 
“Iniisip ko ang mangyayari sa ‘min ni Asa matapos niyang makapanganak,” sabi ni Javi.
 
“Oh, right,” his friend said. “What’s the plan now? Knowing you, I don’t think magagawa mong iwan na lang sila nang basta-basta sa oras na mahawakan mo na ang baby niyo. Your heart is made of marshmallow, dude.”
 
“That’s why I’m going to tell Asa today that I’m going to stay,” Javi said, his face brimming with determination.
 
Lemuel smiled triumphantly. “That’s my dude! Finally! Akala ko hindi mo na ‘yan sasabihin kahit kailan. I’m proud of you!” he said, slapping Javi’s back.
 
Naalala ni Javi ang naging pag-uusap nila ni Asa noong gabing nagsama-sama sila ng pamilya niya para mag-celebrate ng Pasko. He’s always been protective and caring with his family, pero hindi naman siya ganoon pagdating sa mga kaibigan niya. His love for his friends is different from his love for his family. However, on that night, Javi felt the love that he has for his family spreading to Asa and the baby, too.
 
He wants to protect them. He wants to keep making them happy. Javi doesn’t want Asa to raise the baby on his own. Ayaw niyang lumaki nang walang ibang pamilya ang anak nila gayong mayroon namang mas malaking pamilya ang handang magmahal sa kanila. It doesn’t matter to Javi if he’s a nobody compared to Asa, if he can’t support their baby financially. He’ll make up for his lack of money by showering Asa and their baby with lots of love and care. He’ll study even harder in order to find a job and help Asa with their expenses. At this point, Javi will do literally everything in order to convince Asa to make him stay.
 
Kaya sa mga nakalipas na araw ay walang ibang inisip si Javi maliban sa kung paano niya sasabihin kay Asa ang gusto niyang mangyari. Javi wanted to tell Asa about his intentions on the night when they kissed, but he didn’t want to ruin their celebration by blurting out his thoughts all of a sudden. To be honest, tila nawala sa isip niya ang gusto niyang sabihin ng mga sandaling iyon dahil sa halikan nila ni Asa.
 
There’s that kiss, too. Javi has never had any romantic attraction with anyone before, but there’s something in Asa’s face and eyes that seems to be drawing Javi in every time he looks at him. Despite Asa’s tough and serious demeanor, Javi could see vulnerability in his eyes, as if there’s some burden that he’s carrying all by himself. Whenever Asa is in his arms, he could feel the fragility in his small, seemingly weak body. Whatever it is that’s weighing Asa down, Javi wants to help him get rid of it. He wants to make Asa feel safe and secure in his presence.
 
“I am confident about your success. Sigurado naman ako na hindi ka tatanggihan ni Asa, pero ano ba ang gagawin mo kung sakaling tumanggi siya sa gusto mo?” tanong ni Lemuel.
 
“I’ll convince him even harder,” Javi replied. “That’s the one thing I’m good at anyway: working hard. However, kung ayaw talaga ni Asa, wala naman akong magagawa. I’ll just try to convince him, pero hindi ko naman ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko sa kanya. Payagan lang niya ako na makita ang anak namin paminsan-minsan, kuntento na ako.”
 
Lemuel placed a hand on Javi’s shoulder. “I think that’s the problem with you, bro. Sometimes, you’re just too much of a good boy. Makatutulong din minsan na decisive at stubborn ka. We’re alphas, for your info! We’re dominants! What’s the point of being dominant if you’re just going to fold right away upon encountering a single setback? Where’s your alpha pride?” he said.
 
Javi stared at his friend flatly. “What are you even trying to say?”
 
“If the worst thing happens and Asa rejects you, there’s no harm in standing strong for what you want to happen. Hindi ko naman sinasabing makipag-away ka sa kanya. You can be assertive with what you want to happen without inciting any conflict. I know that this is not in your character, but being aggressive can be a good thing at certain times, too,” replied Lemuel.
 
“Yeah. I get it,” Javi replied. “Sana lang talaga hindi na kami umabot diyan. Mararamdaman ko naman kung ayaw talaga sa ‘kin ni Asa, pero kung may maaninag akong kahit napakaliit na posibilidad na ayaw niya akong umalis, panghahawakan ko talaga ‘yun hanggang sa dulo.”
 
“Perfect! Good luck, bro! I’m sending all my luck your way!” Lemuel told him excitedly.
 
Javi smiled faintly. “Yeah. Thanks a lot.”