My Heart Belongs To You

A Beautiful Mess

"I'm a Rubik's, a beautiful mess"-Eminem (Walk on Water)

Aaliyah

I'm on my last trimester and honestly I feel good about it, I have been having mood swings but I'm scared, I'm happy and overwhelmed that I'm going to birth twins any day now. I have someone that I never thought I would have to give me advice and be by my side through this time besides Aug. Ms. Erykah Badu to help me stay calm, to remember that its okay that I'm afraid but don't have guilt attached to it. I have been talking to my babies everyday and enjoying music with them, letting them know how they will have a father that will protect them and love them with all his heart. How sometimes I maybe moody but once they're here I'll be the most happiest woman in the world. How they are my miracle babies, how I been through so much struggle but overcame that with the love from their father. 

If it wasn't for Teyana I would've never got the experience to have been taught so much knowledge from one of my idols. Aug has been nothing but supportive of me, he sings me and the babies to sleep, rubs my feet. Feeds me, he evens bathes with me and I didn't even ask him to, he checks up on me almost every two minutes even though I tell him I'm fine, he hasn't let my feet touch the floor not once, he carries me around the whole house. Even though I beg him to let me walk, I have to at least let my blood flow so my legs won't be wobbly. 

He takes walks with me on this hiking trail we found near our house that has a beautiful waterfall with these beautiful lilies and roses growing by it. After I got off the phone with Ms. Badu we got dressed to take our walk to the trail, I took a deep breath, inhaled in and exhaled out then slowly got up off the couch. Aug grabbed my hand and we walked out back, went through the gate, locked it and started on the trail.

"You okay sweets?"-August

"Yes, I'm fine baby I promise"-Aaliyah

"Good let me know when you want to stop walking so we can head back home"-August

"We just started Aug but okay I will"-Aaliyah

I took another deep breath, inhaled in exhaled out. I needed to control my emotions and have peace within me. We started walking and Aug was doing circles around me smiling then he smacked my ass.

"Come on Mr. Nasty you know what that does to me, can we have a peaceful walk for once"-I said and started biting my lip

"I'm not doing nothing but watching that ass walk in front of me"-August

"Well walk beside me then goofy"-I said laughing

"I gotta make sure you good going up this hill first and this view magnificent"-He said laughing with me

"You a mess"-Aaliyah

"Hey you can't blame me for loving ya ass"-He shrugged

"Whatever kid"-Aaliyah

He grabbed my hand and we walked together hand in hand up the hill, I sat down by the waterfall and took a few more breaths. He handed me my jug of water and a flower that he hand picked then put it in my hair. I felt a wave of emotion come over me that I broke down crying.

"Sweets damn beautiful what's wrong?"-He said concerned

"I'm fine I don't know, I just love the moments we have, it still feels unreal that I'm carrying twins, that your the father to them. That our love has poured out to these babies, that you're going to love them unconditionally. I have new life inside of my stomach, a new generation. But I'm afraid that I won't make it giving birth to them, I'm afraid that you'll raise them by yourself, What if I won't be able to see them growing up? What if---

"I love every memory that we're going to cherish, I'm always thanking God for you carrying my babies and even more grateful to be a father for the first time. Sweets we good I promise you, you made it through your whole pregnancy without any complications, isn't that a sign that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for? For you not only to carry one baby but two at the same time is a blessing, you beat the odds of getting pregnant when mother fuckers doubted you but God had other plans for you and us. Trust me you'll be here for everything our babies go through because I'll die with you if you leave me, my soul will be gone with you. So lets get you back to a positive mind, baby you got this, you got God and you got me. Now close your eyes, take a deep breath, inhale, exhale. Visualize us in our favorite place sitting by the ocean as the waves come towards you then goes away, the cool breeze that flows through your hair and your lungs, as we peacefully sit by the ocean enjoying each other's company. We decide to stand up and you feel the sand buried under your feet, I hold your hand and caress it. You feel the vibration of love between us, the chill bumps on your skin when I look into your eyes. How you rub on my face and smile at me, I kiss your forehead and tell you that I love you. Inhale, exhale, breath. Imagine us there with our family sitting in the chairs sat up near the beach, I'm standing there anxious with my bros, ya girls on the other side waiting for you to come down the beach pathway. You looking at yourself one last time in the hotel mirror, your dad smiling at you in the mirror. That moment the music plays, you crying coming down the aisle holding onto your dad's arm. Looking at all the people who came to support us, your dad handing you off to me and I'm mesmerized by your beauty. The twins making baby noises as the pastor speak a few words. Baby we going get married soon as you heal up I promise you I can't wait another day. Now open your eyes sweets look at me."-August said emotional