[Rosemary and Thyme]

[ 08 ]

     It was...hard. She wasn't sure she could look her mom in her face without feeling shame. She wasn't so sure she could look at her aunt without similar shame either. 

     One openly expressed her disappointment and the other was the mom of the person she was compared to. She felt as if she were disgraceful. 

     "Are you okay?" Rose questioned her. 

     "Uh-huh." Lotus absentmindedly hummed. 

     Being beside Rose was just as weird. Her mind kept on pinpointing every good thing about the girl as she looked towards her. She began to compare herself to her cousin once more.

     Everything about her was so much better. Her behaviour, her energy, and not unexpectedly, her appearance. She wondered how someone could seem so confident as shown from her posture and the way she talked. The older girl never stammered and her words were excellently articulated, it was a big difference from Lotus. 

     The feeling that lingered in her chest, the nasty sludge of a feeling, was something she used to feel many times. She sadly knew what it was. She was envious. Jealous wouldn't be the word since Lotus' attributes weren't being threatened, she lacked the characteristics that Rose had and she desired those certain attributes. Just like...before.

     Lotus listened as the adults talked about what school her cousin would be transferring to as the girl was talking to Jeongsoo. Rose was a self-assured girl so she would have no problem adapting. It should be easy for her to make new friends. 

     'Has she ever been to a sleepover? A party?' Lotus asked herself as her eyes fluttered over to look at Rose again, 'I bet she has. She's so lucky... She must be so loved at her old school, too. How does someone get so blessed?' 

     She looked down at her folded hands. 'I don't want to feel like this. Not to her. She's such a good person and she truly deserves to be as marvellous as she is. But... Mom...'  

     Rose set a hand on Lotus' folded ones causing her to jolt and look up. Her eyes widened as she saw Rose's smile. Not only stunning to see but it almost succeeded in soothing her. 

     "I hope—No, let me start over." She continued, "Please don't listen to Aunt Yeongja. You don't need to be super slim and perfect...whatever perfect is."

     Lotus' cheeks began to heat up. She was thankful to Rose for trying to cheer her up, but she couldn't help but feel that it was just because she was pitied. After all, she would feel bad if someone insulted their child by comparing them to her and she would try to make them happy, too. 

     "Right... Thank you." She murmured. 

     "You know, since I'm closer, we can hang out more! Next year we can go to the Yeouido Spring Flower Festival together!" Rose chirped. 

     Lotus slowly nodded, "Sure, I'd like that." 

     Jin popped up next to them, looking between the two with a lazy simper. "Two girls, who got compared, talking to each other? Whose gonna backstab who?" He cooed out. 

     "Backstab?" Lotus repeated in concern. 

     "Stop trying to start stuff," Rose scoffed at him. 

     The boy just laughed and pointed over his shoulder at Cole who was surrounded by crayons. "He wants to play with you so come on." He said and walked off. 

     Rose mouthed her an apology and followed after Jin to amuse Cole. Lotus almost sighed in relief and stood up. She saw no reason to stay sitting. Everyone was now busy and didn't seek her out, leaving her to her own.