Before Us (Kelly Severide Love Story)

Rehabilitation

"ONCE YOU'VE TASTED A LOVE THAT STRONG, YOU CAN'T GO BACK AND YOU CAN'T SETTLE ON ANYTHING LESS AND THAT'S WHAT GETS ME, IT'S LIKE HAVING WINE AFTER WHISKEY"

I stand in front of my mirror, my fingers trace over the dips in my once smooth skin. The stitches have been taken out, but the impression is still engraved in the scarred tissue.

My gaze never leaves my face, too afraid to look down and see how I am forever marked. 

Forever scarred. 

"Hey" Ryan knocks on the door, "Jess is still at the shop, do you need any help getting ready?" He asks. "No, I'm fine" I shake my head, not wanting to be treated like a child who needs everything done for them. 

"Okay, well if you need me I'll be downstairs" he closes the door and my hand drops from my scars.

It is difficult to tear my gaze away, never having felt more ugly. 

Easily slipping on my sweatpants but the t-shirt is more difficult. My arm is still in a sling and it aches every time I move it, not to mention the tightness around my chest hurts when I stretch my left arm up. 

Carefully taking off the sling, throwing it to the side, my arm stings when it loses the support. Using my other hand to provide some momentary release from the soreness. 

Biting my lower lip to stop from screaming as I try to put my t-shirt on, starting with my injured arm. But the more I pull the t-shirt further up my arm, it gets stuck. I rip the shirt off and throw it at the wall when the pain gets too unbearable. 

I can't put my own t-shirt on. 

I am back to being a child that needs help to get changed. 

Maybe Jesse was right about me being too delicate for all of this. 

Reluctantly admitting defeat, I leave my room to find Ryan and grudgingly accept his earlier offer to help me get dressed for my physical therapy. 

The doorbell rings when I reach the stairs, I can hear Ryan making his way to open the door. Not thinking much of it, expecting that Jess forgot to take her keys to the store, I slowly make my way down the stairs. 

Stopping immediately when I hear his voice. 

What is he doing here? 

"Kelly? What are you doing here?" Ryan is just as confused as me. 

"I need to see her" he ignores Ryan's question. 

"She is not here" Ryan lies, "she is at the hospital" he adds. 

"No she's not" Severide sees through his act, "I just came from the hospital and she wasn't there" why is he looking for me?

"Kell-" Ryan tries. 

"Don't lie to me, Ryan" Severide cuts him off, "I know she is here, so can you just tell her that I need to speak to her" he requests. 

I sit down on the steps, head against the bannister, listening to the voice I have missed so much. All I want to do is run down these steps and right into his comforting arms, but I can't. 

I did the hard part, I can't go back now. 

But I never imagined it would be this painful.

I'm not sure if the ache in my chest is from the gunshot or my broken heart.  

"Severide, you know I can't" Ryan refuses. 

"Just five minutes, please" he pleads. 

Biting down hard on my lower lip to silence my sniffling, wet tears rolling down my face and onto the wood. I do nothing to stop it, the pain in my heart overcoming the pain in my body.