"Dude Looks Like a Lady"

Chapter 5 What a Drag (Strings POV)

Chapter 5

Transvestite

~Strings

I stared angrily at the piece of paper hoping that if I was pissed enough somebody with actual skill would walk in that door. So far three names. Omar; the sane of the three, Ivan; some guy who looked so much like The Slash I was convinced he was his lovechild, and some weirdo who liked to call himself Lord Darkling. I only wrote them down because they were the ones who could actually complete a song without making more than thirty mistakes. We were doomed.

"This is crap." Red said whilst Drummer tapped his fingers on the table.

"Tell me about it." I sighed.

"No." He flared, "You're playing electric, we don't need a lead guitarist!"

"Yeah, we do. I can only play chords and sing- I can't do any of the tricky stuff."

"We can get Sailor back."

"So what? He can do a ping here and a ping there- besides; you know how he was with Drummer. I'll give up music before I let that guy back." Drummer paused his drumming and looked up guiltily. The idiot thought it was his fault that traitor left but he was the victim in it, I don't doubt that for a second.

"I don't want another lead guitarist." Red snapped, "They're all crap anyway and nobody has come today!"

"Then we'll try again, tomorrow."

"No!"

"We're looking for someone to replace our lead guitarist- we're not looking for somebody to replace Ray." I only glanced up for a second to catch his reaction; he was transparent, naive and easily wound up. Unfortunately he was easily hurt too. He crossed his arms, fell back on his chair and stared the pain away. Poor kid was crying but I had to shut him up somehow.

A knock came at the door two minutes later. At first I thought it was Drummer drumming his fist against the chair but he looked up expectantly towards the door while that bone-head Red kept his eyes to the floor. "Come in." I said. As the stranger walked through that doorway, I could not believe what I was seeing. I never forget a girl's face in my life, let alone her body. She knew I didn't want a girl guitarist so why come in a disguise? Unless... I had to keep from laughing; she hasn't come as a guy has she? She cut that magnificent red hair short with one of those popular emo fringes and dyed it black. She wore a black shirt with an overly baggy grey guns and roses T-shirt over it along with a pair of straight legged jeans and- okay, now I burst out laughing. She even stuffed that area. But she couldn't really be here as a guy could she?

"What's so funny?" She said in a lower almost guy like voice. I couldn't believe this, this was classic. Red raised his head to see her, of course that bone-head took everything for granted, you could tell him butter was cheese and make him eat both and he wouldn't have a clue you were lying. I wondered if she had Drummer fooled? He seemed puzzled at why I was laughing, so I suppose she did.

"Nothing, you just remind me of a comedian." Eddy Izzard reversed. "What's your name?" I asked.

"Cryst-" She coughed. "Christian but people call me Chris."

"Last name, Chris?"

She wavered for a moment; obviously she hadn't thought this through. If she used the same last name we would find her out somehow and she knew this. "Chris Parlour."

Funny surname.

I thought. I could've said then and there "Well Chris, your voice hasn't broken and your penis is made outta tissues- no chance." but I was having too much fun. She was gonna be crap anyway and I wanted to see how far this could go.

"Plug in." I smiled and gestured to the amp where she plugged in her rather cool guitar- an Epiphone Explorer. Not bad, not bad at all. Red was not happy and I doubted Drummer cared but then again I could never tell since his fringe always hid what he was thinking.

"Uh- I- Um-." She stood up nervously, standing as a girl would. "I'm gonna play Hocus Pocus by Focus."

"Bold choice." I smirked, hiding my dread. It was a very bold choice- if she didn't play it right our ears were going to pay dearly. Then she began. Woah. She was actually good... no... she was actually great, even playing the combinations without messing up at all and those were quite hard to pin down. Even I wouldn't have been able to land it. I glanced from Drummer to Red seeing the shock on their faces as I was sure I probably had on mine, because finally we had found someone not only good, but amazing. Then when I turned my eyes back on to her I saw something... something that made me realise that they weren't shocked by how she was so brilliant but they had noticed what I had just seen in that moment. She was playing like Ray. They way she stood, the way she kept her eyes focused but at the same time with a glaze over them, how her strumming seemed so natural compared to others who were so rigid at playing and the soft smile that worked its way from corner to corner of her mouth. It could have been Ray. Should have been Ray...

She ended the song, slamming her right hand down on strings, as Ray used to do, so the sound wouldn't continue. She looked up expectantly but the three of us were completely mute. This chick just strode in here with Ray's skill, his technique and dressed like a guy. I was weirded out and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum were zombified just by the fact she was like Ray.

"...That bad huh?" She said, her fake voice trembling.

"No." I said and then smiled before getting up. "It was terrific." Oh, she was pretty when she lit up, even as a guy. I walked over, put my arm around her and gleamed at the other two. "Guys, we have a lead guitarist." Drummer had the courtesy to shake her hand, Red just stared in silence. She was totally fuelled on joy, the most hyper I've seen a person in my life and I'd given my sister coffee when she was five.

I guess I should have said then that I knew she was a girl, that she didn't have to hide it from us and that we would accept her as a girl after all... but for some reason I didn't. As cruel as I may be, I wanted to see how she wriggled out of this herself.



(Edited by AnotherTeenCliche ^ ^)