"Tell me to stop" Felix said as they stood in front of the bathroom door.
Changbin didn't answer.
He never thought what happened hadn't only left scars on his skin, but on his heart and mind as well.
He didn't want to call it trauma.
But right now it felt like it.
It felt like everything was coming back to him, every moment, every cut he made, every burn he felt, every drop of blood he watched pouring out of his body.
The thoughts he had that day while cutting flooded his mind. Reminding him of everything he went through once again.
"I don't deserve Felixs' love, I might as well bleed to death"
"I won't be able to treat him the way he deserves to be treated"
"He deserves better. I'm not better"
"I love him, but i'm not worthy of his love"
Every single word that came back to his mind, stung his heart like getting stabbed with a knife.
He thought he was over this, he thought he was secure about his confidence. Didn't he acknowledge that he deserves the whole world a while ago?
Or was he just trying to tell himself that he was over his past?
Whatever it was, it didn't help. Being here, brought everything back to him.
He shouldn't be struggling so much. He shouldn't be acting up like this over going into a stupid bathroom. But he couldn't control it. Not one bit of it.
"I'm fine, let's just get this over with"
What a lie.
He wasn't fine. Not even close.
He wasn't in the right state and he knew he wasn't ready to go in there yet. He was practically panicking on the inside, crying, breaking apart at the thought of what he did to himself in that room.
Of what happened to Felix after Changbin had done that.
Just remembering the youngers puffed up and swollen eyes he saw when waking up in the hospital burned his mind.
It was his fault.
He was the one who made Felix feel all of that pain.
He was the one who brought these sleepless nights upon the younger.
He was the one Felix had to worry about day and night.
He was the reason.
And Felix deserved better.
After a month of being clean. A month of positivity and self confidence in his relationship and himself, he had this one thought again.
"Felix would be better off without me"
"Binnie?" Felix cut off the olders chain of thoughts.
"O-oh yeah, let's walk inside"
Changbin didn't want to. He wanted to run away and never come back. He wanted the ground underneath him to open up and swallow him so he wouldn't have to be in this situation right now.
Isn't he supposed to be strong?
"I can't so this"
"You have to stay strong. For Felix"
YOU ARE READING
Forest // Changlix
FanfictionChangbin doesn't know what to do with himself. How to cope. How to talk about his feelings. And when his crush slowly started coming closer to him, he snapped. He needed to hide his feelings. He needed to hide his own self. Can't get too close. Can'...
