Our Saving Grace

North - Russian Pop Song

Jesus fucking Christ I feel like warmed-over dog shit. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet and I just knew that today was not going to be my day. Yesterday hadn't been my day either. Fuck-it. I haven't had an honest-to-god good day since we went to Greece. Lately, there had been some brighter spots because of Sang Baby but as incredible as she was, one angel could only do so much. And I had gone and fucked that up too.

God, the way she had looked at me yesterday in the hospital. The way her perfect green eyes had pierced my soul and found my stupid ass lacking. Deep down I had always known that I was being a jackass to Silas, but blaming him had been better than blaming myself. God, I was such as asshole. I needed to nut up and take fucking responsibility for my own actions.

Sang was right. What I was doing was not only not fair, but it was creating even more hurt and anguish. So much so that my family was faltering under the crushing weight of it. And she had walked away from me. Said her peace, pierced by heart with her words, and walked away from me. It had taken everything inside of me not to storm into Uncle's house last night and literally steal her away. I wanted to bundle her into my arms and never let go. Literally, take her away from my own brother and wrap my body around her small soft one in my bed. I wanted to go full-out caveman and never let her out of my sight to make absolutely sure that she was never hurt again.

But I wouldn't do that.

I knew better than anyone that I could be a lot and she had walked away from me. Had felt the need to flee from me and by toxic hate. Sang was an earth-bound angel and I was the definition of a screw-up. I couldn't go and steal her away because she deserved better than that. Better than me. Better than anything I could offer her alone. I had thought that maybe I had found a way around that. That together as a family we could be enough for her. That even though I couldn't be everything for Sang, at least I could be a part of something that made her happy. I could be her first and last line of defense against our cruel world and in return, I would get a piece of her heart to cherish and take care of for the rest of my life.

But I had screwed up and she had walked away from me.

And now I was laying on this fucking uncomfortable cot in my garage while covered in dirt and grease feeling sorry for myself and nursing the hang-over from hell. Self-pity wasn't a good look on anyone and I tried to will myself to get up and take a shower. Because fuck, I needed a shower, but none of my muscles felt the particular urgency to move right now. I continued to stare up at the stained ceiling of Uncle's garage and contemplate everything that I fucked up.

My phone rang and I probably would have ignored it because I was in no shape to do anything even a little Academy-related, but it wasn't my normal ringtone. No, it was the special ring tone that I had spent over five minutes setting up so that I would always know when my Sang Baby was calling me. It was the ringtone that reminded me not to be an ass because she deserved nothing but respect from me and my brothers. Even though no one else was programmed with a special ringtone I still lifted the phone and checked the caller ID before answering it because I was that surprised that Sang would be calling me of all people. I had royally screwed up yesterday and had grand plans of doing some major groveling before she came back to me willingly. That was one downside to having all of your closest friends dating the same girl you were - she had plenty of other capable people to turn to.

Why in the world was she calling me now? The idea that she was in trouble and needed my help had me sliding the green phone icon quickly and plastering the phone to my ear.

"Sang Baby, are you okay?" I asked without any greeting or preamble.

"No," her small voice replied sounding shaky and weak. Fuck. She was not okay. Adrenaline pumped through my system, clearing away any lingering notions of being tired. I was on my feet before she said another word with my car keys in hand.