My Life, in Ruins

My Life, in Ruins -Chapter eighteen-

 “What are you doing here?” I asked her, meaning the store.
“Oh, I’ve been living off-campus in this little place and this is the local grocery store. What are you doing here is the real question.” And then she caught sight of Seth. “Oh my god!” She cooed. “You are by far, the cutest…” Her sentence trailed off when she got closer to Seth. “Wow,” was all she said.
“Wow what?” I asked.
“He looks exactly like…” She trailed off and looked up at me with a startled expression.
My expression must have mirrored hers because she quickly stepped away from Seth. “Like, er-- you. Listen, it was great seeing you but I have a test and have to go study, bye.”

And with that she took off down the isle, her cart in tow. What the hell was that about? As I was just getting home my cell phone started ringing and since my hands were full I answered it without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?” I asked.
“Bree?” Said a girl’s voice.
My body froze and I looked down at the caller ID on my phone. It was dad’s number.
“Bree?” I heard again.
I contemplated hanging up but then I remembered what my therapist had said at my last session; it was better to face your past then to run from it. I put my phone back up to my ear.
“Hey Jasmine.” I replied.
She sighed in relief. “I thought you were going to hang up on me.”
“I thought about it.” I admitted, unlocking my door and pushing in while holding all my groceries and Seth.
I know, girls rock, right?
“How are you?” She asked.
“I’m doing better now, and you?” I asked.
“I’m great.” She said. “Actually, there’s a reason that I called…” She began.
“And what’s that?”
“Well, grandma got a hold of me yesterday and she told me some interesting news.”
“Oh yea?” I asked,  placing Seth in his playpen and then heading into the kitchen. “What kind of news.”
“That you almost died because of an self-inflicted injury and that you had a little boy.” I heard her voice crack as if she were crying.
“Yea well, its no big deal. You’ve done the same thing, except for with you it was a self-inflicted over-dose.”
This time she really sniffled. “I didn’t call you to fight Bree.”
“Yea, well why did you call then, because I don’t need your sympathy.” I hissed.
“I called to say that I’m moving back to town with Rylee, my daughter, and I would like if we could get together and talk; maybe let our babies meet.”

I stopped what I was doing and felt a few tears prickle my eyes. I had missed my sister more than anything; as a child, she used to be my idol before everything got bad.

“Okay,” I said.
I don’t think she expected that answer. “Okay?”
“Yea, I’d like that.” I admitted.
“Good, I’ll call you in a few days when I get situated and my own phone. I miss you Bree-Bear.”
A few more tears fell. “I miss you too, Jazzy-Bear.”


Just like promised, a few days later I got a call from a mystery number and when I answered it was Jasmine. She wanted to meet at the local café when I got off of school so I agreed.
When I got to the daycare to pick up Seth the woman at the desk informed me that the baby Seth had been replacing was coming back and that this would be our last week. I guess it was fate that Jasmine was back and that she had experience with children. Our meeting was tearful and bittersweet but once the tears dried and the awkwardness settled, we fell into a familiar routine of bickering and laughing.

“Your daughter is beautiful.” I finally told her, looking over at the little girl in the booster seat.

She had the blue eyes that seemed to run in our family but her hair was a few shades darker, brown, but more dirty blond. Jasmine had her hair up in pig-tails and when she smiled at me I saw all of her big girl teeth.

“What’s her name?” I felt bad that I didn’t even know my own niece’s name.

“Rylee,” My sister replied. “She’s going to be three in a few months. Your son is beautiful as well.”

Seth was wearing one of his hoodies since it was so cold outside and his little cheeks were red from the wind. He was laughing at Rylee who was eating a donut.

“Yea, he’s a good baby. I just wish I felt better about being his parent. Grandma and Grandpa have been raising him.”

Jasmine shook her head. “Shut up, you’re going to be a kick ass mother. I say so. I mean look at me; I tried to kill myself, knowing I was pregnant. I was into drugs, alcohol, and sex. I don’t even know who’s Rylee’s dad, but what I do know is that I’m one hell of a mother to her; who you were before doesn’t matter, it’s who you are now that counts. Are you a good person now?”

I looked down at Seth just as he was looking up at me. He screamed in excitement and starting kicking his legs against the base of his high-chair.

“Yea, I am.” I whispered, smiling at him.


Jasmine agreed to start babysitting Seth for me, at my house for now, until her place was more put together, but then she was going to move the business to her house. I was so grateful that she was back in my life, and more than relieved that she was going to be in my son’s life.
When the week ended and the weekend came, Jasmine, Rylee, Seth, the dogs, and I spent all of our time in the park laughing and joking; catching up on everything we had missed out on. Seth had started calling me “ma ma” the other day and I was thrilled that it had become a habit instead of a one time thing. Rylee was trying to teach him how to say “doggie” now, but I wasn’t sure if she was making progress or not.
On Sunday night, after Jasmine and Rylee went home, I was making dinner when there was a knock at my door. I smiled and ran to answer it.

“Did you forget one of Rylee’s toys or…” I paused in the middle of my sentence when I realized that it wasn’t my sister at the door, but Ian.

Kylie and Claire barked and tried to push out to sniff Ian, whom was with Butch, but I blocked them with my leg and closed the door nearly all the way. Buddy remained in the living room, guarding Seth; he really loved that baby.

“Um…Ian. What are you doing here? Actually, how the heck did you know where I lived?”

He looked down at his shoes for a minute or so and then looked back up at me and I realized that it looked like he had been crying.

“Annie told me where you lived after I pried it out of her; I’ve been contemplating coming for a while but decided against it. Actually, I didn’t mean to come but I was bringing Butch on a walk and we somehow just ended up here.”

“You walked here all the way from your house?” I asked, astonished. They didn’t live far away, but they sure as hell didn’t live close.

He nodded, kicking his shoe on the front mat. I looked down at Butch who was watching me, wagging his tail. He was waiting for me to greet him but I wasn’t going to because I didn’t want this situation to be any more awkward. But he was panting pretty hard and I couldn’t just let him dehydrate so I bit my lip, thinking of what I should do.

“Was there a reason you came?” I asked, though it was barley above a whisper.

“There was.” He replied, but didn’t say anything else.

“And that was because…?”

When he looked up at me I saw a few fresh tears and I wanted to do nothing more than wipe them away for him. He pushed my door open then and grabbed me in his arms; crushing me in a bear hug. I was too shocked to react, and when he started full out crying I really didn’t know what to do. Finally, my arms responded to him and I wrapped them around him too; how long had I been wishing to be close to him again, even if only for a moment.
This hug didn’t last only a moment though; he kept his arms wrapped around me even after his tears had dried and ran his hands through my hair and over my back, memorizing every feature of me. I shivered because I had missed his touch so much and found my hands doing some exploring of their own. His hair, the back of his neck, his strong, muscular shoulders, his back.
And then my breath hitched because his hands had made their way to my hips. He pulled me back so he could look at me and all evidence of his crying before was gone; except for the dark circles under his eyes.

“I’m sorry for what I said in Chemistry.” He told me. “I was upset and shocked to see you again, but I shouldn’t have said it.”

I shook my head. “You should always say what you really feel.”

He looked at me for a minute and then smirked. “Is that something you learned in therapy?”

I smirked back. “It was, actually.”

But then his face got serious. “Okay then, there was something I wanted to ask you. Why did you leave town, really?”

“I had to get away from everything.” I told him, using the lines I had rehearsed. “I went over an ledge that I couldn’t climb back over and my mother wanted nothing to do with me anymore so…”

His eyes told me he knew I was leaving something out. “And what else? There was another reason wasn’t there?”

I scowled at him and pushed out of his hold. “Jessica told you, didn’t she? About seeing me at the store. Well its none of her business and its none of yours.”

I don’t know where the anger came from, but it was there now and there was no getting rid of it. I tried to close the door but I realized my dogs were in the hallway, jumping all over Butch who looked so miserable.

“Kylie, Claire, come.” I ordered.

They ran back into the house, but before I could close the door, Butch shoved in behind them, chasing them down the hall.

“Damn it.” I cursed, running after the dogs.

They had made a break for the living room and each of them were on the couch and the recliner chair; Buddy was barking in confusion which was making Seth upset.

“Buddy, quiet.” I ordered, he looked at me with a confused expression and then he looked behind me and barked again.

Seth started crying so I ran over to him and scooped him into my arms.

“Buddy, no, go to bed.” I told him.

He hung his head low and trotted off to the corner of the room where his dog bed was and when I turned around to face Ian I had a flushed face and was even angrier.

“Are you happy now?” I asked, and then I smelt smoke from the kitchen. “Oh no.”

I quickly passed Seth off to a surprised Ian and then made way for the kitchen; my dinner was burnt, therefore ruined. I threw the pot into the sink and shrieked. Ian popped his head into the kitchen confused.

“What happened?”

“My damn dinner burned, that’s what happened.”

I was working hard to control my breathing so I wouldn’t get overly upset. Seth started calling out for me.

“Ma ma. Ma ma!”

I closed my eyes, sighed, and then headed towards Ian, taking Seth from his arms.

“Could you go please?” I asked, on the verge of tears.

“No,” He said. “Let me take you to dinner since yours got ruined. You and--er,”

“Seth.” I filled.

“You and Seth.”

I would have argued but the truth was I was way too hungry. I let Ian drive my car, leaving the dogs back at my apartment, and relaxed in the passengers seat. He pulled in front of my favorite pizza restaurant and then smiled at me.

“Is this okay?”

“This is fine.” I replied, going to the back of the car to take Seth out.

We walked in together and got seated immediately. The hostess brought a high-chair for Seth and then some mashed potatoes in a small bowl for him to entertain himself with. When I finally looked up at Ian I saw him looking at Seth; he looked deep in thought. When he looked up at me my heart starting racing and my hands started sweating. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and then he sighed and leaned forward in his seat, getting as close to me as he could with the table in between us.

“Would you please tell me the whole story, and give me the truth. I can handle it, I promise.”
I sighed and looked him in the eye. There was nothing but honesty there, and then, because I hadn’t told anyone; not even my grandparents or my sister, I started telling Ian everything that had happened to me, starting from the moment that he left town.

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