My Life, in Ruins

My Life, in Ruins -Chapter seventeen-

    My grandparents lived a few hours away and I knew panicking wasn’t going to help so I made an excuse to Annie on why I had to leave and then hurried to my house. My dogs were excited to see me and I quickly fed them while I packed a small bag for myself and them. By the time I was done and ready to go they had finished eating so I grabbed their leashes and had them follow me outside. They did their business in the grass and then piled into the car and then it was off to see Seth.
The longer I drove the more tired I got but then finally I reached their house. I didn’t expect them to be home but I let the dogs out to stretch their legs and then potty again and brought them inside. Nobody as home so I guess I was going to have to go to the hospital.

“You guys be good.” I told the dogs.

They looked at me sleepily and piled on the couch. I smiled at them and then went back to my car. The hospital was large and I had no idea where I was going but I settled for the logical, the PEDS department. When I got to the front desk I gave them Seth’s name and hoped they would be able to find him.

“Are you related?” The guard asked, raising his eyebrow.

“I’m his mother.” I replied.

He nodded and then typed something into the keyboard, the printed ejected a piece of paper and he handed it to me. “He’s in treatment, I’m sure they’d let you in to see him.”

I looked down at the paper. He was on the third floor, room 201. I hurried quickly to the elevator and when it opened onto the third floor I almost ran into my grandma. Her eyes got wide when she saw me but then I saw a smile on her face.

“Bree, you’re here.”

“Yes, and tired as hell, but I’m here. Is he okay?”

“The doctor is in there now, if you hurry I’m sure you can talk to him.”

I hurried down the hallway until I reached his room and just liked promised the doctor was there with Seth.

“Excuse me?” I asked. “But I’m Seth’s mother, Bree. Could you explain to me what’s wrong with him?”

I went to stand next to the doctor and looked at Seth. His eyes were closed and he was breathing funnily.

“He has a repertory infection but we caught it early and I’m sure he’ll recover in the next week with his meds.”

I sighed and watched as the doctor gently touched Seth’s cheeks and little arms.  “Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes,” He said smiling and then looked up at me.

I smiled back, “Well that’s good.” Now that I knew he was going to be okay, I wasn’t sure what to do. My grandma came back a few minutes later with three coffees and then my grandpa came in behind her.
He hugged me when he saw me and handed me one of the coffees. I spent the next three hours sleeping and waking, sleeping and waking, until finally the doctor came back into the room.

“Okay, we’re releasing Seth. You’re free to take him home after the paperwork is finished.”

My grandma took the papers and started filling them out and I walked over to see Seth. His blue eyes were open now and he looked over at me and smiled, reaching up with his hands. I couldn’t help but smile back and when I didn’t pick him up he started yelling at me. I sighed and scooped him up into my arms gently, afraid that I would hurt him being as he’d been sick. He cuddled into my neck and yanked on my hair, which I didn’t mind. When I turned around Grandma and Grandpa were looking at me.

“Are you ready to go?” I nodded. “But I don’t have a car seat so you’ll have to take him.”

I followed them back to their house and let my overly excited dogs outside.

“You got two more?” Grandma asked.

“Yes,” I replied watching them run and explore her  yard. “I also got a job and my own place. Oh, and for the record, yes; I was at a party, but no; I wasn’t partying.”

She smiled a sincere smile at me and squeezed my shoulder. “Let’s get some sleep.”


The next morning grandma and grandpa were in the kitchen whisper-arguing about something while Seth ate some mushy vegetables off his high-chair and the dogs laid around it waiting for him to drop something.

“Morning” I said, breaking them out of their trans.

“Oh, morning Bree.” Grandma said, shooting grandpa a look.

“What’s with the hostility?” I asked them, pouring a cup of coffee.

Silence and then, “Well, you see, Grandpa and I have an anniversary coming up and we were planning on going out of town but then Seth got sick and he’s saying that we shouldn’t go now, and I was trying to tell him that we can still go.”

I turned and smiled. “Yea, why not. That would be awesome. What has it been? A hundred years?”

She scowled at me. “Well we can’t leave Seth alone, obviously. Do you think you could bring him to your new place until we get back?”

My eyes bugged out. Seth at my new place? “I don’t have anything over there for him.” I said, trying to think of an excuse.

“We’ll drive down with you today and bring some stuff in the van. It would really help us out.”

I looked at the faces of the two people who had been so supportive to me in the last year and I couldn’t turn down them having some happiness. “Okay, fine. I suppose so. I’ll need everything though, because I literally have nothing.”

So that’s how I ended up back in my car with Buddy in the front seat and Clair and Kylie in the back with Seth in his car seat laughing whenever one of them licked his fingers or toes. The temperature this morning had really dropped just like the news forecasters had predicted and so I had the heat on but I felt myself worrying if he was warm enough and questioning my parenting skills. What if he got sicker while I had him? What if something happened to him? What if I didn’t know what to do? I couldn’t concentrate on anything else and when I finally got home I voiced all my worries to my grandma.

“Just call us if he gets worse and we’ll come home. You don’t know how much of a relief this will be and how good it will be for both of you. You know, when you left, he cried for two days straight.”

Guilt. I didn’t mean to feel guilty but I did. They helped me bring some stuff into the apartment and then I stayed in with Seth and set up his crib, changing table, etc. as they brought everything else inside. As soon as we were settled they opted out, kissing Seth and me good-bye and then it was just my little boy, the dogs and me and a whole weekend left to ourselves. What to do, what to do?
We ended up having a lazy weekend. I set up the crib and Seth’s other little things in my small, extra bedroom. I always wondered why I didn’t make something out of that room and I guess in the back of my mind I was always saving it for Seth in case I manned up and actually found myself able to care for him. I wasn’t even sure if I was ready now, but I hoped that this weekend would be a good step and that maybe I’d find myself as a better mother than I thought I could be. Memories of my childhood flashed into my head and I knew beyond any doubt that I would not let Seth ever feel the way I felt growing up.

When Seth’s room was finished I found myself smiling. It was cute that they had gone with a train-theme for him instead of the regular sports theme a lot of people go with when they have a boy. Except for some small pieces of furniture, the curtains they had packed, his crib, and a rocking chair, there was nothing else in Seth’s room and it was pretty dang bare. I decided that I wanted to get him some stuff so that his room wasn’t so bare; I didn’t how long he was going to be with me but I didn’t want him to feel like a freak until then. I made a list of things to buy and then went onto the online websites of a few stores so I wouldn’t have to look when I got there. I put my items on hold so the store would set them aside and then got Seth ready to go out.
The dogs watched me sadly and so I promised them I would come back and we’d go to the park. Seth and I made a quick run to the local baby shop and when we got back I decorated his room and then put him in the stroller that grandma had left with me and leashed the dogs up. We jogged to the park, enjoying the cool night air.

 Monday morning was chaotic.
Firstly, I had gotten a hold of a day care the night before and was able to squeeze Seth in only because one of the regular kids had gotten sick and couldn’t come to school for a while. They told me Seth could go in his place, but only until the kid came back. So that took care of my babysitting situation temporarily, but I still had to find a more permanent situation.
Then, after I got Seth dropped off and situated I had to run to the gym. I had booked some floor time with the gymnast coach and I had to get there on time or else she would give my spot away. I found myself racing to the gym and getting there in just the nick of time. Since I had been out of commission for a year coach took it easy on me; making sure I was spotted and did all of my proper stretches in between each tumble. By the end of my gym time I was able to do the basics without a spotter.
After a quick change of clothes I was rushing to school, knowing I was going to be late, but hurrying to get there all the same. I made it ten minutes into first period and had to wait in a long line for my tardy pass which ended up making me six minutes later than I would have been if they would have just let me go to class.

The class was in the middle of writing an essay when I barged in. I mumbled out my apologies and then went to my seat in the row next to Ian. Despite being late for school, I finished my paper well before most of the class and then I had extra time to doodle and space out.

In Chemistry, Ian and I had to work together, but we exchanged very few words which made me very sad. I was just glad that they weren’t nasty words like that first day. Sex ED was some what entertaining. The teacher had two of the tenth graders -a boy and a girl- acting out a situation in which the male pressures the girl into sex and the female says no. There was even a large, comfy bed in the front of the room that they had to use to act the scene out.

When class let out I found myself, once again, rushing to my car to go get Seth and get home to let the dogs out. Annie caught up to me and grabbed my arm.

“Jeez you run fast. I guess cheerleading had its perks.”

I smiled weakly at her and finished unlocking my door. It was then that I caught sight of the car seat in my back seat and started panicking. What if she saw it?

“Anyways, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You ditched out pretty fast at that party.”

I gave her a genuine smile this time. “Yea, sorry. My grandma called. She was, er… in the hospital and I had to go and see her but its all good now. False alarm.”

“Oh that’s great.” Annie enthused and then Ron called her name from across the parking lot. “Well, I’ve got to go. I’ll text you!”

I watched her jog away from me and couldn’t help but laugh. That girl was an endless ball of energy. As I was getting into my car I noticed Ian leaning against the wall by the bike rack, watching me. Our eyes caught and I found myself glued to him, unable to move.
He pushed himself off the wall and started walking towards me and I panicked again. He could not see the car seat. In one quick motion I threw open my door, jumped in the car and then raced from the parking lot leaving Ian in my dust.


Seth had just had a bottle and some baby food before I got him so I was able to give him his medicine before taking him back to my house…home. The dogs jumped around excited to see me but didn’t actually jump on me, which was something I was glad I taught them. Once Seth was safely strapped into his stroller, I threw a blanket over him and a jacket on me and we headed out for a jog.
My muscles were sore from gym that morning, but I ran until I worked them out and then headed home. There was a missed call on my machine from dad’s number so I deleted it without listening. My kitchen was hopeless, there was absolutely no food so I found myself compelled to go to the store. I scooped up a happy Seth into my arms and brought him out to the car. Thirty minutes later we were at a grocery store a little out of town because I was worried about running into someone I knew. Pathetic? I know.

“This shopping thing is a lot harder than it looks.” I told Seth who was sitting happily in the seat of the shopping cart.

He cooed at me and grabbed some of my hair that was tickling his feet. “Well I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” I grumbled.

After I pried his hands off of my hair I turned to look at the millions of different kinds of cereal. “Even choosing cereal is hard!” I yelled exasperated.

It was then that I heard the voice; it was a familiar one, though defiantly not one I expected to run into here.

“Oh my god, Bree? Is that you?”

I turned to face the person who had caught me.

“It is you. It’s so great to see you.”

I was pulled into a tight hug and then she stepped back to inspect me.

“Hey, Jessica. It’s nice to see you too…”