Letters // Ashton Irwin

XXIII

xxiii

// ASHTON'S POINT OF VIEW //

It had been almost a week since Luke came over. I'd tried to call Tiffany several times, mostly in the morning and then at lunch and then before I went to sleep. Never did she answer. And so I decided to give her some time. Things were so weird though, because one moment things were great between us and then the next moment the world decided to turn against our relationship. There had been moments where I even thought that maybe we shouldn't be together, but maybe we just weren't people with very good timing. Maybe if we'd met a few months earlier or a few later, things would have been different.

Saturday night could not have been lonelier for me. No girlfriend next to me, nothing on tv, no friends to hang out with because they all went out. But then Tiffany turned up and I didn't know what to say, because she was acting like nothing had ever happened while I felt like everything had happened.

'Tif, can we talk?' I asked. She was sitting on the floor, eating a sandwich she'd just made herself. Tiffany looked up and nodded.

'How can you act like nothing is going on? You disappear for 6 days and then you show up at my doorstep like you were only out for a small walk. Like there aren't 17 missed calls from me on your phone.'

She placed her plate on the table. 'Eighteen.'

'Eighteen missed calls.'

Tiffany opened her mouth to speak, but closed it before she could say anything. It was frustrating, and my hand went through my hair like it did a few minutes ago and a few minutes before that.

'I don't want to worry about this anymore, about our relationship. Every day I wonder how long it will take for something to happen, or for you to break up with me. I shouldn't wonder about that kind of things should I? Those things should not be thought about in a good relationship. I know, we've been through much in a short time-'

'Your grandmother died. You went to Australia for weeks. You got depressed.' She interrupted me.

'Yes, and you stopped trusting me somewhere in this period. Like something had snapped. We came back and everything just felt different.' I continued, and though I had noticed how she was trying to blame me for things, I decided not to response to it. Because if I responded to it by telling her the things she had done wrong, I could for sure forget about the happy ending on this saturday night I was hoping for.

'Look, Ash, I feel very sorry if I make you feel like I don't trust you. I do, I really do. This week I've realized how lucky I am to have you and how I can't live without you and I know I should've realized that sooner, but I was too confused about the whole Madison story to see the real you.'

'Has Luke told you about her? Like, what really happened?' I asked, remembering Luke's promise to try and talk to Tiffany.

'He has, and I feel really stupid now for thinking she was a nice person.'

And so, Tiffany and I promised to forget about Madison and swore that we would not ever again let some psycho get in between the two of us. All with all, the night ended pretty damn good to say the least. As I was lying on our bed, looking at the drawer Tiffany's notebook was in, I couldn't help but get it and read it. One letter caught his attention; 

'' 03-01-14

Dear Ashton, 

When we stood at the airport, and you were about to turn around, I was crying. I was crying harder than I'd ever had. You whispered something in my ear, and then you left to catch your plane. I didn't want you to let me go, but you had to, of course. Your strong arms were now no longer around my much smaller ones, and your breath was no longer tickling against the side of my head. I most probably stood there for another 20 minutes after you left. I was not moving, not talking, only slowly breathing. And just then I remembered what you said, the moment you were about to leave. 

'I love you, so much.' 

But back at the moment you said it, the words didn't reach my ears. Don't ask me how they only reached them later when you were gone though, I guess they just did. And as much as I would've liked to reply with 'I love you too.' or maybe even with 'I love you more.' , those words never passed my lips. Not only because, if I said it the moment they reached my ears you wouldn't have heard it anyway because you were most probably already sitting in your seat on the plane, plugging in your headphones, and slowly falling asleep. But also, because I don't know what the words mean. You said you loved me, Ashton, but,

What exactly is love? ''  

'Ash, please tell me you did not find the notebook again?'  I turned around, Tiffany now entering the room. I must have looked like a little child getting caught stealing candy from the jar in the kitchen.

'Eh, would you believe me if I said no?'  I tried, getting a very angry look back. 

'I asked you to never touch it again...' 

'I know, I know. It's just so cute and lovely and I love reading it. It's like bringing back memories, especially the oldest letters make me happy.' And luckily for me, her frown turned into a small smile that she tried to hide at first but then couldn't hold back anymore. I opened my arms as to invite her for a hug. 

She looked at her notebook that I still had open on the page I was reading. 'I wrote that on a sad day.' 

'What do you think is love?' I asked, reading her question again. 

'I think love is the feeling I get when I look at you and the feeling of butterflies in my stomach whenever you talk to me or touch me. Love is when you want to know everything the other person knows and when you feel like shit as soon as they're gone, even just for grocery shopping. I'm not sure, though.' 

And to that, I smiled. 

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yes that is indeed the letter from the prologue, hehe.  sorry I took two weeks to update, I thought I updaded it 5 days ago but apparently not oops. can you guys please help me get 1K votes? I'm so close it's sooooo cool ily guys :)))