Between two men

Chapter 17

A month later, I had to admit that my life had changed completely from the ground up. I also worked in a bar and this job filled me immensely and helped me take care of my monthly bills and secure something higher. And of course Nicholas was here. We got used to our common routine. Every time I was after night, he stopped by for breakfast in the morning. When the weather was dark, but it was raining outside, we stayed at my house. Either I prepared something warm, or Nick brought something with him, but most often he took me out into town somewhere. We spent our free dinner at his house for a change. We were just walking around the apartment or lying on the couch and reaching for the TV remote control. We talked relaxed and unhindered. Nick was an attentive listener and sometimes he told me something about himself here and there.

We were both completely different, and at no cost could I understand how it was possible that the two of us miraculously got together. Someone once said that opposites are attracted and there was probably some truth to that. Often we could not even agree on the program on TV, not yet in our opinions on life, work or values in human life. The only thing we did perfectly was sex. I would never say in my life that a distinguished and self-disciplinary person like Nick could untie himself in bed so shamelessly. Sex with him was spiced up with various positions and countless surprises. Nicholas did not limit his imagination, so he was good at what he did. He hid a virtually exciting and innocent prelude by his side all evening, which, as usual, always ended in an unfettered climax.

Today was the fifth night in a row that I had spent behind the bar. The students who worked in our country took time off so that they could thoroughly prepare for the end-of-year exams that awaited them immediately. I couldn't blame them. For some of them, it was the last semester in their study era. I hated the month of June because I always got used to the students and when they left us after the exams, I was sad and, of course, I could never stop the tears. Alexa often blamed me. According to her, I was unnecessarily tied to people who were just going through my life, which is why I found it even harder to say goodbye. And it wouldn't be Alexa if she wasn't right.

I never complained about work, so even today it was no different, I just began to miss the tender hugs in Nick's bed. I didn't even realize how quickly I got used to the company and my own bed was slowly getting foreign and cold.

The bar was relatively quiet, as was the custom in the middle of the week. Erick and Raegan stopped by about an hour ago, but didn't stay long. They were supposed to be on the way, so they just wanted to greet us and make sure we were okay. The two fit together perfectly and I was extremely happy that it still worked so great for them. Raegan has changed Ericka a lot in many areas. He became more sensitive, respectful and polite. And most importantly, you knew more about true friendship. Although we hadn't known each other all our lives, not long enough for me to claim to know him well, but he was a man who let me know he was here for me and always found time to help me.

I liked them both and I was less and less solving the dilemma of what would happen if Nicholas found out that we were still meeting. I had not yet found the courage to tell him, and God himself had been quite forgiving of me lately. He didn't put me in a situation where I had to explain or deceive why he caught us together, or the moment didn't come when his name fell in our conversation. At times I thought Nicholas knew or at least knew we were meeting, but he didn't want to hear it directly from my mouth. That would probably be a better case. It would mean that he cared about me and didn't want to interfere in my friendship with Erick.

Whatever it was, I followed the words that Alexa had read to me once after coming to work from an issue of the newspaper she was studying. If you can, try to allow what is to come to come, and what is to remain, let it stay, and whatever leaves, let go. Then she told me that it was exactly right for me and begged me to finally stop drowning in fear and enjoy what life had given me. And so I lived from day to day with the knowledge that one day the long-delayed bomb would explode, even though I was currently having an amazing time. I took her advice and let things flow spontaneously, because I still had no effect on the influence of some things. I knew that crying came after laughter, but at the moment it didn't really touch me.