Connected: a Newtxreader

8

TW: suicide

The kiss took you by surprise, and instinctively you pull away.

Newt looks hurt. His face turns red and he averts your gaze.
"Sorry... I- I just....", he trails off.

You feel bad. You don't know how you feel about Newt. He's so nice to you, and he saved you tonight. You do like him more then any of the other Gladers, but do you like him in that way?

When you don't say anything, Newt stands up and walks to the door, rushing out.
"Newt, wait!", you shout after him, but he's already running off.

You chase after him, running fast through the trees in the Deadheads.
You wince with each step, your fresh cuts still searing.

You come to a stop in the middle of the forest, looking around with Newt nowhere in sight.
You collapse to the ground in defeat, leaning against the tree.

You pushed Newt away. Just like everything else, you ruined it. The only Glader you trust, the kindest person there, the only one who cares about you, and you broke him.

You run your hands through your H/C hair, gripping it tightly. The urge to scream is strong, and a tear slips out of your eye.

No wonder everyone hates you. You push away anyone who cares about you.

Your fingers trace absently over the scars in your stomach, then slid to the ones on your arm.
If Sonya hadn't saved you then none of this would be a problem.

Flashback:

You were wandering around in the large forest, alone. Bella and you had been hanging out all day, but you told her to go get dinner while you stayed behind, telling her you'd see her soon.

You felt bad lying to her, but it would be too hard to explain to someone that young. She wouldn't understand.

You'd been fed up with everything.
It was pointless to try escaping when you don't know what waits for you outside these walls. And even if they did escape, and they lived happily ever after, you weren't needed in that fantasy. They'd made that very clear.

You fail at everything, and the Icers have pointed out how useless you are.
"You can't do anything can you?"
"Why is this pine needle even still here?"
"I hope you don't come back today".
Sometimes they meant it as a joke, but beneath every joke lies their true opinion

Once, Beth even told you to jump off the Cliff. They wanted this almost as much as you did.

So now you lay in the snow, taking in your surroundings one last time.
With a heavy sigh you take your knife out of your pocket, pressing it against your forearm.

You press against your skin, piercing the soft flesh and drag the knife vertically across your arm.
You cry out in pain, blinking against the tears, when Sonya broke through the trees at a sprint.

"Y/N! Stop!".
She already has bandages in her hand.
Sonya knew how you'd been feeling; she knew about the scars on your stomach, and she can never leave you unattended.

You struggle against her as she cleans the wound with a snow coat and hydrogen peroxide, then wraps it up tightly.

As soon as she finished treating your wound, she wrapped her arms tightly around you, stroking your hair as you cried into her shoulder.

"Please, don't tell anyone", you whisper to her after the long stretch of silence.
"I won't love, I won't", she replies with her soothing British accent.

Your snapped out of your thoughts when you hear hushed sobs.
You follow the sound of them and see the source of the crying is Newt.

He sits with his knees hugged closely to his chest, his head tucked in his arms.

"You stupid shank. Stupid!", he mutters to himself.
"She'd never like you. And you just kissed her! No warning?! Stupid..." he sobs.

The sight breaks your heart.
You quietly approach him, watching your footing as you leap between sticks and twigs.
You slowly wrap your arms around him, and he looks up, seeing you knelt beside him.
"Y/N....", he whispers, but you shush him.

You don't say anything for a while, just rock back and forth, hugging Newt to your chest with your face buried in his fluffy hair.

When he finally stops crying, he looks up at you, his cheeks tear stained and his eyes bloodshot.

"I'm sorry love".

"Don't be sorry Newt".

"But I shouldn't've kissed you like that, especially right after what happened with Gally... it's just that, I really like you Y/N—,"

"I like you too. A lot".

He looks up at you, surprised. You lean down and kiss him softly.

—————

You wake up the next morning, the birds chirping around you.
Your disoriented for a moment until you remember that you and Newt fell asleep together, curled up on the forest floor.

You tilt your head to look at him and see that he's already awake, smiling down at you.

"Watcha doing?", you ask groggily.
"Just admiring you", he smiles and you can't help but blush.

The two of you walk hand-in-hand to breakfast.
You notice people staring and quickly let go of each other's hands.
There was a silent agreement that this relationship was secret.

You sit down to eat your toast with Minho and he smirks at the two of you.

"What?", you exclaim after a full five minutes of him just staring at you and Newt, grinning.

"Where were you two last night?", he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

You roll your eyes, "I went for a walk into the forest with Gally", Newt scowls when you say his name, "then Newt came and him and I hung out".

It's an oversimplification, but not necessarily a lie.

"What happened to Gally? He came stumbling in from the forest this morning, not looking too good, but he refused to say what happened". Minho looks at you expectantly, but you shrug nonchalantly.

"I don't know, must've happened after I left".
You look over at Gally and see that Minho was right. He looks more shucked up then you did. He has a black eye and a large gash across his cheek. He glares at you threateningly and you smile innocently, while also flipping him off.

You work in with the Medjacks for the rest of the day, treating Zart who cut his back and Winston who says he sprained his ankle.

It's around two in the afternoon when you hear the sounds of people shouting.
You run outside and see everyone crowded around the stone doors that lead into the Maze.
You jog over to them looking at Newt.

"What's going on?", you ask him.

"It's Ben. He's been stung".

A/N (please read): I just wanted to say that I know a lot of people struggle with mental health and I wanted to let you know that if you need someone to talk to you can always message me on this app and I'd be happy to help. I know I'm just a stranger but it's always good to vent, and I might be able to help.
You are loved!

Thank you for 200 reads!

-A3