If I'm Louder (Niall Horan Love Story)

Chapter Forty Two: The Talk

     You and Niall made your way up the stairs without talking to eachother. You suddenly heard a crash from downsairs. You and Niall both jumped and paused for a moment. You listened. Then you heard a door slam. You decided to ignore it. Niall opened the door to his room and let you walk inside. You haven't spoken yet. You took a seat on his bed and didn't say a word. Niall closed the door slowly and softly. He took a deep breath and then turned and faced you. "_____." he said gently. He sat beside you on the bed. You flinched. "Sweetheart." Niall spoke to you. You just looked at him. "Darling, I'm so sorry..." he said with tears in his eyes. He was all choked up saying those words. You wanted to cry with him but you didn't. You already cried with Zayn. You couldn't cry with him now. "How could you?" you asked him sadly. He looked very disappointed in himself. You didn't blame him. "I was drunk." he answered you. "Yes Niall. You obviously were, but that's no excuse to what you had done." you said. You heard him sigh. He was still sitting beside you. "But _____, I was drunk." he repeated. "If I weren't, you know that I would never think of doing something like that." he said. "But it's the fact that you did!" you said. You didn't mean to get angry with him, but you couldn't help yourself.

     Niall didn't respond to you. He just looked you in the eyes. "It was very immature and irresponsible for you to even get drunk that night." you scolded him. He sunk down at those words because he knew it was true. "I know..." he said with his head down, ashamed. You then stood up from his bed and paced his floor. He watched you do so. "So what does this mean?" Niall questioned you. You stopped pacing and sighed, looking down at the ground you knew what you had to do. You knew what Zayn wanted you to do. "I think we need a break." you said. Niall's eyes filled with fear. "No." he denied. You moaned. He needed to get his thoughts straight. "Yes Niall." you said. "No." he again said. You started getting annoyed. "We need a break Niall." you said. "No!" he said raising his voice. "No we don't!" he actually screamed. You raised your eyebrows at him. Niall stood up from the bed and walked towards you. You backed up, causing your body to hit against his wall. Niall grabbed your hands tightly. It actually hurt a little. "I made a mistake. Okay, I know. But please, it was just a mistake and it won't ever happen again!" he said. You threw your arms down so his hands and yours were no longer locked with eachother.

     "But how do we know that Niall?!" you asked. You somewhat screamed at him. You could tell he was getting angry. Not at you, but at himself. "Why don't you trust me?!" Niall shot back at you. "Oh well, it's because you decided to get drunk one night and almost have sex with another girl!" you told him. You could tell those words hurt him. The truth hurts. "So if you did it once, what makes you think that you're not gonna do it again?!" you asked him. "Because I knew how much it hurt you!" Niall shouted back. This little conversation had turned into an arguement. "You think I wanted to do it?! You think I wanted to hurt you?! Hell no! I wouldn't hurt you on purpose you should know that!" he said. You had a feeling that everyone could hear you from downstairs. You groaned. You calmed yourself down and lowered your voice. You didn't yell at him back. "We need a break." you said. His eyes once again filled with fear. You didn't want to break up with him. Of course you still had feelings for him and he obviously had them for you. You just thought it was for the best right now. "But why?" Niall questioned you. You actually couldn't answer. "Because." you said. Niall rolled his eyes. "Because." he mocked you. "That's a valid answer." he said. You started getting annoyed at him. "It's obvious that both you and I still have feelings for eachother, so why are you denying it?" Niall asked you. That was a good question too. Why were you denying it?

     "It's still clear to me that you want me and that I want you, so why are you breaking up with me?" Niall asked. "Because of what you did!" you shouted at him. Niall put his hands on his head and backed away from you. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair in disgust and started pacing his floor. "How many times must I tell you?!" he screamed. "It was a mistake! It was one f****** mistake! If we're gonna continue to have a relationship, we both need to push through this and make it work!" he said. You had enough. You didn't want to hear it anymore. "You know what Niall, that's it. I don't need to have this conversation with you." you said while approaching his door. He stopped pacing and looked at you. "Goodbye." you said. firmly. You put one hand on the door knob and began to open it when suddenly Niall pushed the door closed, grabbed your wrist and spun you around. "Don't you ever walk away like that!" he yelled at you. Now who was he to be yelling at you? "Niall! Let me go!" you yelled trying to escape from his tight grip but you couldn't. He was too strong. Suddenly, out of nowhere Niall pulled you into him. He crashed his lips onto yours forcefully and roughly. You tried escaping it but you couldn't. "Niall!" you tried screaming.

     Niall grabbed your body and pushed you against his wall and continued kissing your lips, hard. You didn't want his kiss. You got all of your strength and pushed him off of you. He stummbled back but didn't fall. You looked at him with disbelief. "What the hell?!" you screamed at him. You knew why he was doing that. He thought that if he kissed you, you'd fall in love with him again. And you would. You had to stop him. You had to stop that from happening. But at the asme time, you didn;t know why. Niall regained his balance and actually started laughing. You didn't move from your stop. You gave him a puzzled look. "Don't act like you didn't want to kiss me _____!" he laughed. You swallowed. "Don't act like you don't want to kiss me." he repeated. You swallowed once more. You sighed. "You're unbelievable!" you yelled at him. He laughed again. "Why?" he laughed. You didn't answer. Niall sat down on his bed and continued laughing. "Tell me why princess!" he laughed. How could he be laughing right now? "You're just being an assh*** right now!" you yelled at him. "Stop trying to convince me that you're still in love with me!" you yelled. Now that may have been a little too much. Immediately after you said it, you regretted it. Niall's eyes widened with disbelief. "Excuse me?" he asked you. He squinted his eyes at you. He stood up slowly and walked towards you again. You got nervous. "Don't you dare say that I'm trying to convince you!" he yelled. You've never heard him scream this loud before.

     "Don't you dare f****** say that!" he screamed. he got very close to you. Your heart was beating a million miles an hour. "I understand that you're upset with me and you have every f****** right! You have every f****** right to be upset with me and Zayn had every f****** right to punch me in the face! Every f****** right!" he screamed. You shivered. It went down your spine. "But you got to understand that what I'm saying to you right now is not fake! It's real! It's f****** real!" he yelled. You couldn't answer him. You couldn't handle it anymore. You felt hot tears rise within you. You watched Niall's reaction as he took deep breaths trying to consoul himself. You sighed and calmed yourself down as well. "We need a break Niall." you said. Niall sighed and let his head drop. "Fine." he said calmly. He took a seat on his bed. "I'm not going to try and 'convince' you that I'm still in love with you." he said. You sighed. You felt awful. And he didn't have to convince you. You knew you still loved him. You knew he still loved you. But for some reason, there was something inside of you telling you to move on. You slowly walked towards his door. For the second time, you placed your hand on the door knob slowly. You almost opened it when Niall spoke up one more time. "But listen princess." he said firmly. You stopped. But you didn't turn around. "No matter what happens..." he started. "No matter what's going to happen. Just remember that you and I are both still crazy for eachother." he said. You bit your lip and tried your best to hide back your tears. You didn't respond. All you did was take a deep breath and open his door. You felt his eyes on you. You stepped outside the door and then shut it.

     You didn't move though. You stood outside his door, listening to him. You heard him move around his room for a bit. "God damm**!" Niall screamed loud enough for the whole house to hear. You jumped. But still didn't move. You heard him settle down on his bed. You continued listening. You heard a few moans and then you heard sobs. He had started to cry.