Toxic and in Love

Betrayed and Worse

A/n~ so this is now in current time. So this happened today and it should be interesting because it's just a hell lot of information to take in.

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Arson's Pov~

What the hell did I just read!? Damn i knew being in google classroom at the same time as her would be bad. I never interacted with her characters but doesn't mean we weren't on at the  same time. I just kept interacting with my own characters, I know I probably shouldn't think about what imma bout to say but I interacted with my characters to let her know I was in google classroom. As some nice FUCKING Information came up whist her characters were playing t or d. Normally back when we were friends we'd communicate through our role playing. Echo's character asked her's what her sexuality was... I can't tell you how much I freaked out when I read different words then straight or Idk... and the fact that she mentioned me without mentioning me with my name made it crazier. I'm not exactly mad at her for saying that I'm mad at the timing. "Only know you love her when you let her go" played in my head over and over and over. I just didn't know how to take this information, I don't even know if she wanted me knowing. I mean I normally put shit in google classroom about her sometimes hoping she'd catch on but I stopped when my Case worker said it was "not helping" fuck that idc. It's been a little over 3 weeks and I can't stop thinking about wanting to die. Sure I may like Lexi but I was so close to Em that it was hard af. Now I'm singing "dead mom" from Beetlejuice the musical, and technically Em got me obsessed (a/n the reason I keep saying Em is because I'd never call her that and I can even mumble her full name) she told me to watch it 2 months ago or something like that. I've actually fell in love with theatre and musicals, I've never wanted to be on Broadway more then now... but... Nevermind I don't need her to follow my dreams, maybe we will even audition for the same Broadway show that would be fun. 

Now I'm listening to a bunch of musical songs, they make me happy! Well still thinking about death, guess that's what happens when you get a new personality who is goth and all about death, and you'll never guess her name... Lydia... no surprise there. 

"I DO THIS BULLSHIT LIKE 8 TIMES A WEEK" I sing. I wish I was Beetlejuice.... no reason. Ahaha. 

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1am Mon Mar 15th

Heyy I'm back, and everything all the progress of moving on went away. The little stunt miss Millie pulled in google classroom just made me keep thinking about her and me. I know she would NEVER date me as long as she was alive because I've hurt her. I'd definitely date her even if she hurt me before because that's just how I am. She was the only one I felt comfortable being touched by or at least I was getting closer, I may not have been abused that causes one to flinch at human touch but I get paranoid very easily. But she just kept running through my mind, Lexi I haven't thought about once until I started this journal. If Em did have feelings for me 3 weeks ago why'd she leave, the thought of me expressing my love should've made her happy. Maybe it was just me. But she will never know I'm thinking this. She probably hates me I could never know. I try not to tell Echo all my thoughts of Em because sometimes it can sound obsessive but for me I have to express about the people I love because they mean a lot and I want them to know but whatevs. I haven't thought once of me and Emily kissing again since 2 weeks ago and now I've lost that streak. Ugh I mean I kinda like it haha. But right now I'm listening to the songs above, and yeah I'm a bit crazier then usual right now kinda in my psycho state. I can't get her out of my head and this time it's all her fault, and maybe like 5% mine for not being completely over her. 🤣 I can't with half these songs on this video, they either describe how I feel or make me think of her. "HEYY NO MORE". "She got blood cold as ice, and a heart made of stone. But she keeps me alive." ~ Horns by Arc North and Bryce Fox. Damn true! well I'll leave y'all to your nights.

~Arson

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A/n~ this is gonna practically be a journal for me/Arson. Meaning there will probably be a chapter everyday. Lmao. I'll add to this chapter if anything else happens today. 

~ Anella