Toxic and in Love

Relapse

Arson's Pov

1:47pm

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! No, no, no, no, no not again, I'm not going back! That bitch is gonna be the death of me. Yet I still love her. See Wyatt a friend of Echo and Emilice asked "Dani" Emilice's character in gc about her sexuality and see Wyatt could've asked her somewhere else probably but he asked on google classroom. Aka probably (i couldn't know exactly though) so I could see. God sometimes I wish I could snap my fingers and get what I want but the world doesn't work like that. She is super confusing and if this bothers me then I'm definitely not ready to talk to her. She may not be Bi but she ain't straight that's for sure. She probably could be Queer. Google says that being Queer is not knowing what you want but aren't for sure Straight. I honestly should've seen this coming. I just freaking wish she knew how much I used to care about her. Now I hate her but love her and that's fucking confusing for a 15 year old girl. But I need to stop thinking about her it's just gonna make me worse, but sadly my FUCKING brain don't work like that. And what the heck is up with the angel numbers, nothing in my life has gone well at all and I've been seeing them for the past month. 222 rn, 911, 1234, 111 and 555. And yes 911 and 1234 are angel numbers I researched it.

"Who am I kidding?
Now, let's not get overzealous here
You've always been a huge piece of shit
If I could kill you, I would
But it's frowned upon in all fifty states
Having said that, burn in hell, yeah"

This song is my mood rn! That song isn't towards her or anyone I'm just mad so it's kinda overall. 

2:43pm

Eh I'm still pissed off but I've thought long about this and I now know why she left (to addition). I was controlling I'm the bitch wow ehhh well she did still do some hurtful things but I shouldn't care what her sexuality is, it's who she is and that's what I should respect. I've realized a lot but that still doesn't take back anything she or I did UgHhHhHgHh the WoRld and human brain suckssssss. Ahaha welp in a bit I have Beetlejuice rehearsal! 

6:00pm
So I found out from people that Emma my director for the park district wouldn't consider me for Moana. The role I've been dying to play and I had the idea to do Moana. This all because I took Em's shoe. Theatre should be about who can play the role not the stupid choices I do. And I've written an apology to Em but haven't given it to her since I haven't had contact with her. And some people may say it's not genuine well thats a lie I decided on my own to write that apology note because I knew what I did was wrong. I don't throw around the word sorry if I don't mean it. But you all tell me if this is fucking genuine!

Dear Emilice,
I understand taking your shoe and hiding it during the show was a immature decision. And I'm sorry for that it was wrong of me. It wasn't my property to touch or move without permission. I understand that they were expensive and it caused people to get mad. I didn't think it would cause such a problem but it did and it wasn't my right to touch it.
~Arson

I- let's hope they don't hate me even more. My girlfriend Julia is Emailing Emma and Beth, let's hope this doesn't go wrong. It wasn't in anyway my idea to email them. I need to show them I'm mature. This is just double punishing me. I already got my phone taken for hiding the shoe this is even worse. The one time I want a lead. But I'm not gonna get over worked about it yet.

————-

At this point the story is a journal for me. My caseworker said it would be smart. But I'll be adding to this chapter all day. 🤣 I miss gendered myself agaha. I said "Girl" nah I'm a human ahaha! I swear I'm going to go crazy, well I already am but crazier then before.

~ Anella