COMMAND

Thirty Six

Numb.

It was the only word I could think of to describe how I was feeling—numb. As if all those feelings I had felt last night were no longer there and I was now thinking straight. I could hear each of my shallow breaths at their loudest.

When Pete opened the door and saw me, I didn't have to tell him what I came here for because he already knew. I didn't have to ask if he spoke to Rogue before I came here, but whatever it was, it was making him more nervous and fearful than me.

He should be.

And yet, I didn't want him to be. I didn't come here to fight him. I was more aware today. Even though he had violated my privacy, he had helped me. Unknowingly, he had walked in at my most vulnerable moments and helped me without asking for anything back. And if I hadn't stumbled upon those files, I would never have known that he was the one who did.

"Come in," he said, allowing me to walk in before he closed the door. The house was cold and silent, and knowing that Veronica wasn't here didn't help me either. I was nervous and my heart was tripping. I didn't need to be because I didn't do anything wrong. But I was here because Pete may, or may not be in love with me, which made things ten times more difficult for me. For Rogue. For Veronica. Because every single one of them would do anything for him. For his happiness, they would sacrifice theirs.

I chose to sit far away from him and he noticed that. His shoulders were tense as he sat and crossed his legs, studying me with a warm smile. I came here, not only for answers but to fight for Rogue's freedom, but sitting right in front of the man who stood in the way of my own happiness, I felt sadder for him than anything.

After all, he was more vulnerable than the rest of us.

"Do you need anything?" he asked. I shook my head, playing with my fingers. He was being polite, and then I remembered that neither was it his fault.

"You can relax, Beth." He laughed a little. "I promise you that I'm not going to ask you for anything. I didn't help you to gain something from you."

"Then why did you help me?" I threw back, tensed now more than ever.

"Because you helped me."

I frowned. "Helped you? I don't remember that." I crossed my legs and uncrossed it, trying to settle for a more comfortable position, but that was also proving to be a difficult thing.

Pete smiled absently, as though he was recalling a past incident. "It was two years ago. There was a meeting that Rogue had to attend in London so I chose to go in his place. Back then, I was doing a lot better and hadn't left the house for two months. That trip was the first time I went somewhere in five years. They tried talking me out of it, but I was desperate to be let out. Days like that were not easy for me so all I wanted to do was get far away from here. I thought a change of scenery might help me somehow."

Something in my chest pushed out like it was reaching. Like a part of me sympathized with him more each time I heard a new story.

"So, you saw me, decided to stalk and have all that information about me?" I stared him right in the eye.

"No, that wasn't it."

"You love me? You did all of that because you love me?" The words echoed in the living room like I had shouted them.

"I don't know about that," he explained, tilting his head in my direction. "Did I do all of that because I love you?" He shrugged. "Or maybe I was just fascinated with you, someone who had helped me in my dire need of help. When I called for help, you were the one who showed up, but you don't remember that. I was disappointed about that."