Thank You For The Venom

Chapter 19

Things are still tough for me, Sinj is getting on my nerves. I feel better than I did before, stronger...less, suicidal.

I’m probably more homicidal than ever. Shaun said it’s a phase, that he has been through it as well, but that’s hard to foresee as he and I are both completely different vampires. Thank god recording is over though, otherwise Sinj would have been dead within 10 seconds by now. Not that his blood smelt good. He’s just, incredibly annoying and gets on my nerves. Shaun won’t let us fire him. I don’t get it. Why is he so special to us, he tried to kiss my boyfriend, he’s trying to hurt me and he’s slowly succeeding and now the fact is that I’m hungry gives me mood swings, as for Shaun, he’s hungry in another way. But I feel dirty now, I feel like Sinj is tracking every move, knows who we are, knows about how much we are in love and he wants to destroy that. He looks at me with eyes to kill. I know he wants me gone. Believe me, I want me gone too. Just think though, how much happier Shaun could be without me, without the suicidal thoughts, the break downs, the begging, how overly attached I am. I know I’m crazy, to be so in love and have a stone cold heart. Shaun’s better off, I’ve said it since the start. How could something so beautiful, love something as ugly as me? That’s when I realized, the beauty was in me, the beauty that brought him in, my smell. That’s all I can think off. I stand now in front of my bathroom mirror, looking at my ivory skin, no break outs, no dark circles under my eyes, no puffed up red eyes from all the crying. Just white skin, dark blue eyes that showed I was in need of a drink and my redish lips, almost still stained from the last meal I had.

I was crazy.

I needed blood before I did commit homicide. But how can I, when Sinj is itching at the back of my skull, the venom swelled my mouth as I thought about Sinj, dying, it pleased me. But I had to be a bit more optimistic, there was no way I could kill him, not with Shaun around. Now I know how Shaun feels, those jealous feelings toward Vanessa, I now feel toward Sinj. I read through Shaun’s text messages, they sent each other kissy photos and ‘thinking of you’ messages. I mean, I know they’re just friends and I know Shaun loves me, I know he’s joking. But it hurts. I heard a knock on my door. I was at the door in seconds, opening it. My mum stood there, smiling at me worriedly. Oh no. My tastebuds were racing in minutes. She had a white chocolate smell. She looked almost how I did as a human, her hair blonder and she looked more womanly, as if I wasn’t womanly enough. I held my breath, it was easily done. Just uncomfortable.

“Mum, what are you doing here?” I asked, I sounded as if I was breathing. I wasn’t. Luckily.

“Bradie told me that you weren’t going to London, so I thought I’d drop by” she embraced me with a hug, that’s when I accidentally inhaled, my stomach groaned with temptation.

No Andrew, you can’t drink your own mother.

“Honey you’re freezing. Why aren’t you wearing a jumper? This place has no heating, you look as though you have a cold-“

“mum” I said bluntly, she looked at me with confusion.

“Andy, are you actually going to London?” She asked, I felt venom sting my eyes again.

“yes...” I spoke softer now, calmer.

“but not as a band?” she asked again, I shook my head.

“no. Shaun and I are moving there” I said, I sounded like I was being genuine. I was lying. Shaun doesn’t even know about the London thing.

“what about the band?” she looked confused

“I don’t know. We’ll be back to record, then we’re gone again” I continued to lie, my mum looked worried about me. Why do people care so much.