Thank You For The Venom

Chapter 2

Andy P.O.V

Shaun raced out and I felt myself draw back into the depression, the loneliness, the quietness; my dull, cheap new home didn’t help a bit, plus the stupid weather. Maybe no one saw it, maybe I was too good at hiding emotions, maybe I was good at hiding feelings, that jealous feeling I get every time I see a couple together, first stupid Bradie with his stupid girlfriend and then stupid Shaun with...ugh, her. I hate her guts, I don’t know why; I just get really jealous, more jealous than an average man should over their friend. I mean ALL my friends are in relationships and then there’s me, Andy, the ultimate wingman. Maybe I don’t want to be the wingman anymore, maybe I want to be a boyfriend, someone a girl can happily wake up next to, cuddled in my arms, a woman that can kiss me when my lips are lonely and a woman that will stroke my hair and make me feel content when I’m sad. I just seem to carry the disease called forever alone. I’m always so fucking confused with Shaun. I don’t think I’m gay but some days, I like him a lot, I don’t know if it’s just my loneliness but when I see him kiss and hold Brooke, I feel the need to wish for that to be me. I swear I’m so fucked up, I bet you Shaun is reading the verse I just wrote and is thinking the exact same thing, why am I so fucked up? It started in high school, the bullying, the name calling, the rumours, after a while you begin to believe the rumours, am I gay or is it the rumours that are making me believe that I’m gay, it fucks you up, as I said, I’m fucked up now and I forbid getting help, what was the point, I’d just spiral down again, into mass depression, it takes a while, but every time I hit the ground, I seem to fall harder every time. It’s crazy, isn’t it? How a few things people say affects you. It’s never something you’re comfortable admitting, because you just want the pain to go away, will it ever go away? I’ll never know.

Bradie said he was coming here to give me my dinner for the week, since I can barely cook for myself as seem to burn everything I’ve ever made, even ask my mum, she never lets me help cook for Christmas, she’s afraid I’ll chop my fingers off!

I heard a knock at the door, I bolted across the house and opened it, Bradie walked in with two green shopping bags and I suppose they’re full of meals.

“Sup brother” I said, closing the door as I made my way into the worn down kitchen of my shitty home. Hey, it was the only place I could afford. Bradie took out about seven plates with different meals on each one, them all firmly wrapped in cling wrap. My meals for the week.

“Not much really, we’ve just moved into our apartment so Britta and I are just apartment shopping” he said happily. Glad someone was happy around here.

“anyway, these are your meals mum made, and don’t eat three in one day again because then you’ll have no food. Again, and I shouldn’t have to tell you how the microwave works because I trust you enough that you won’t blow this house up putting something on for an hour like you did with that party pie when you were twelve” He said, patronising me as if I was my little brother.

“yes Bradie, I know how a fucking microwave works” I spoke in an annoyed tone

“good” he smiled at me, stupid happy Bradie with his stupid happy life. “and how’s things, apparently you caught up with Shaun today?” he continued, of course he told Bradie.

“yes, I did Bradie, why does it matter?” I asked, resting my hand on the counter.

“no reason really,” he said, smiling again, but it didn’t meet his eyes, his eyes were lying. I know when he lies. Those chocolate coloured eyes can’t lie to me.

“Bradie, tell me the truth” I sighed “why does it matter?”

“because Shaun told me the lyrics you wrote” he said uneasy, fuck, Shaun can’t keep his mouth closed for a second can he.