"Over a Book" [MODERN HAMLIZA]

"No, no" - Chapter 17

A/N; hHHHhH yeah we all know what's coming. TW sexual actions though, once again, it doesn't go too far, and light mentions of suicide and vomit and blood

Alexander sat himself down on the bed in Eliza's room, face buried in his hands, feeling his head throb and ache in pain. It'd been a couple days she'd been gone, and he was still at a lack of sleep. Hell, when was the last time he'd gotten over three hours of sleep? He didn't even know. The guys usually called him an "insomniac", and at this point, he wasn't surprised by it. Most nights, he didn't sleep at all.

And sleeping in Eliza's apartment didn't help, either. Peggy was actually rarely around. She always wanted to go to Laf's house to spend time there with Laurens, but he couldn't leave. He made a promise to Eliza that he'd stay here for her. Of course, they'd been texting as often as they could, but Eliza usually did so much during the day that she was too exhausted to text him in the evening.

He let his hands slide down, falling back against the sheets, his head still aching. It was constant. He was used to the feeling of his stomach churning, his forehead pounding, and the weakness of his hands. That's why he didn't dare tell Eliza any of how he was feeling. She didn't know how much sleep he got, and whenever she asked whether he'd slept well, he'd simply just say yes. He was a good liar, and she was a very honest person, so she presumed he would always tell the truth.

It's not as though Alex enjoyed taking advantage of this factor: he hated it, in actuality. But he didn't want her to worry, because then she'd blame herself or do something stupid to get him to sleep, and in the end it wouldn't work. He guessed that it had been like this for a few months know, plagiarising him like a deathly sickness, holding his mind captive and forcing it to be constantly foggy. He couldn't really tell you why this was happening - though he made a few guesses at it.

His biggest theory was that it was Eliza. Since he'd met her, she'd always lived in his mind somewhere, and that problem only seemed to grow the more that he talked to her. It was hard, sure, but eventually it mellowed out into something sweet. He didn't regret a thing of it, and yet, every time he closed his eyes, he saw her. Like he wanted to be with her at that very moment. Neither of them had spent the night with the other quite yet, and that was fine however much that it haunted him.

Not to mention that Eliza being away only made Alex's problem worse. He did want her to make up with her sister, of course, but he only wished he could've been at least a little closer with her. He hated being alone, especially being in a house alone. He despised it. Because when he's alone by himself, terrible things always happen; he always gets lost in his mind somewhere and he can never think straight. Alexander didn't know why he was so dependant on people being around him at all times and the problem was only getting worse the older he got.

Being alone isn't an excuse for having a fucked up mind, or for doing fucked up things. Which is why he ignores it so much.

Alex raised himself from the bed again, rubbing his forehead in agitation. It probably wouldn't hurt to get some fresh air, right?

Just as he rose from the bed, his phone vibrated in his pocket. His hands flew to it, expecting to see Eliza's contact name, but was instead met with Laurens.

hey we're going to a party in an hour if you wanna come. let us know. muah
6:39pm

He scoffed at the text. A party? His feet travelled him out of the bedroom and instead to the bathroom, one hand leaving his phone while he read the text over and over. The hand gripped the bathroom cabinet and opened it, feeling around the shelves.

Ok.
6:41pm

It'd been a while since he'd gone there, and he was sure that a few hours at a party couldn't hurt. He needed to get out of the apartment, anyway, he'd already been familiarised with it back to front. His hand took ahold of a pill bottle as he set his phone down, checking the label, before taking two pills out and chugging them down. He didn't need water, of course. With a low groan, he put the tablets back into the cabinet, hoping the painkillers would kick into effect soon. He wanted this headache dimmed for a while.