The Story of us ~Cashby~

Chapter 18

  Alan's POV
Four hours we've been sat here, waiting for news, any news with no luck. We'd been moved out of the hallway and into a big waiting room. There where other people here, family members crying waiting to hear news on their loved ones. Two doctors had been in, each one I hoped would bring news, good news about Austin, but they came in for the other families, so we where just left waiting. We where the last one's in the room, and we where all on edge just waiting for our doctor to walk in and bring us news.

For four hours I'd been sat here, a sobbing mess, crying into Aaron's shoulder as he desperately tried to comfort me. I was terrified that I was going to suffer the fate the first family had. They'd lost their son, I saw the heart brake in their face and I was terrified I was about to know that level of heart brake. I couldn't loose Austin, he was my entire world, he was everything to me, without him I was nothing. Without him I'd still be slaving away behind the tills of KFC, I wouldn't know how it feels to be in a recording studio, recording music you've poured your heart into writing for fan's who would love every single second of it. I wouldn't know what it was like to be up on a big stage, playing to hundreds and thousands of fans dancing and singing along word for word. I wouldn't know how it feels to tour the world, see different sights every day, taking in the true beauty of the world around me. I wouldn't know how it would feel to have the most amazing band mates a guy could hope for. They weren't just my band mates, they where family, they where brothers and that's a feeling I'd never have known if it wasn't for Austin. But most of all...I wouldn't ever know how it felt to be so head over heels in love with someone. I wouldn't know how it felt to be so in love with someone you'd take a bullet for them and if you had to do it again, you'd do it in a heart beat. I wouldn't know how it felt to be so in love that you couldn't bare to spend a second apart from them, because when you where, it felt like this whole part of you was missing. I wouldn't know how it felt to feel loved and complete, because that's what Austin made me, complete. He was truly the other half of me, and without him, I'd only be half of myself, an empty shell, nothing more. I needed him to live, there was still so many things we hadn't done that he promised we'd do, together, side by side. They couldn't take him away from me, they couldn't, life couldn't be so cruel.

"It's not fair!" I shot up and kicked the chair in front of me, making the others jump at my sudden outburst. "He doesn't deserve this! What has he done so wrong to deserve this?! NOTHING!"
"Alan calm down." Phil soothed, but it didn't work. I was upset, I was angry with the world, they couldn't do this to him.
"NO! He promised me! He promised that he'd be there! He promised that he would never leave me! He promised that one day we'd have a home, with kids! He promised he'd be their at their graduation with me! He promised he'd be there to wipe their tears, fight their fears, kiss their cuts and bruises when they fell off a skateboard, or fell over playing soccer! He promised he'd be there with me at every dance recital! HE PROMISED!" I collapsed to my knee's, a fresh waterfall of tears steaming down my face, putting my face in my hands as gut wrenching sobs came from me.

Shayley kneeled down next to me and pulled me into his arms, wiping away his own tears. "And he'll keep those promises, he's a fighter Alan."
"He p-promised." I sobbed, burying my neck into Shayley's shoulder. "I-I can't loose him."
"We know Al, we know, we can't loose him either." Tino sat the other side of me and rested his hand on my knee.
"Why? Just why is life doing this? What did I do that was so wrong?" I choked.
"You didn't do anything wrong, please don't blame yourself for this." Shayley whispered, gently stroking my hair, doing anything to try and sooth me.
"This isn't your fault Alan." Aaron agreed, but I couldn't help but feel that is was. I couldn't help but feel like I'd done something so wrong life wanted to take away the one thing I loved more then anything to punish me. Was it because I wasn't good enough? I'd never thought I was good enough for someone so perfect as Austin, he deserved so much better, but he made me feel like I was good enough. Was this life telling me I wasn't? Because that's how it felt, life was taking him away from me because I wasn't good enough and Austin refused to see that, so they where taking him away where he could never come back to me. I felt pathetic, useless, I couldn't save him when he needed me, I didn't deserve him.