Rebel Heart [#1]

EIGHTEEN - Princess

The dinner with my mom was last week. The days have just gone by too quickly and it was a complete week of procrastination for me, especially because of the uncomfortable feeling I have every time I step outside since that night. It had never happened before in my life and it makes me feel like I'm turning into a crazy person since every time I look around there's no one in the surroundings.

Other than that, the past week has been calm. I've been going out only when necessary, like groceries or some other errands I couldn't really avoid. Shane has tried to get me out of the house a few times but failed.

He's been displeased but he has if has found it weird, he's said no word about it at all.

There's also no point in telling him, there's no one around every time I try to look and without anything specific, this is just considered paranoia.

To balance the fact that I've been avoiding being outside, Shane has brought his little group to the house twice already. Regarding the girls, Jessica girl has been staying over almost every night now.

I don't really like it but she is obsessed with Shane and since she's not been hostile ever since our little talk, I let her be.

Luca has been rather quiet ever since. We've exchanged a few snarky text messages and shared a few glances here and there but our hands have been kept to ourselves. The "friendship" stuff has been taken seriously so far. It's been hard, though.

At least, for me.

But I owe Shane that respect. Maybe is the fact that he's my best friend or the fact that I loved him once, a long time ago, and I can't be indifferent to his feelings.

To deny that I feel some kind of attraction would be lying to my self but to hook up with him would be despicable. I'd be taking advantage of his soft spot for me. He's still my best friend and that will be over anything else.

Unfortunately, I can't stay home the entire day today because I have work. It is low season and work and work is scarce but every time it pops up, I'll go for it. Imagine doing nothing from October to March...

It can make me go batshit crazy.

Once in a while, when a few one-time jobs come up, I go for it. It's some extra money and it keeps my head busy.

I certainly need it right now, between Shane and Luca and all the being watched feeling, I feel like I am already going mad.

Not to mention my father's possible coming back to town. My brain is about to turn into mush and today will be a distraction. I'll push these uneasy feelings into the back of my mind and try to go on throughout the day as if it were nothing.

By the time I arrive at the hotel the group is already ready to go and waiting for me even though I am fifteen minutes earlier. British people really are punctual, the youngest in the group seems to be 50 years old, it means we can't walk for too long. Especially steep climbs.