Rebel Heart [#1]

THIRTY-NINE - Unexpected Guest

My long brown hair is in waves, pushed onto my right-hand side and falling on the shoulder, leaving the other one bare. My plain brown eyes are locked on the mirror in front, scouring the underwear-covered body reflected on it. 

It looks the same, but it doesn't feel like the same one from just a few months ago.

The red dress is splayed on the bed, waiting for me to put it on, and while, technically, I know the glam and the dress will give me a killer look, it doesn't feel like I'll be enjoying it much tonight.

A single look at myself is enough to make my stomach double over. And not in that pregnancy-sickness-kind-of-way, the one I have been through for the past few weeks. No.

It's like a dark shadow is hovering over everything my eyes land on. Especially myself.

It makes me wish I could go back 6 months, to when everything was easier. I was newly single and focused only on my work and my travels. 

Snapping myself out of my thoughts I start to get dressed. I finish the zip just in time for a knock on the door. It startles me. Answering a meek yes, the door opens and Shane's head peeks inside. 

He freezes for a few moments, looking me up and down. It's only when our eyes meet that he gets pulled out of his trance, with a gulp he gets into the bedroom and squares his shoulders as if getting ready for a battle.

"You ready?" He questions. "We have to be there in less than an hour."

"I am the guest of honour; they can wait for me all they like," I tell him with a humourless shrug.

Scouring his appearance, he looks hot in a suit. But still doesn't know how to knot a tie. 

Walking over to him, my hands rise towards his chest. His body tenses ever so lightly but allows me to fix it. Pretending I didn't notice it, I allow that big sense of guilt to wash over me, for putting him in this situation. 

He has been there. Always. The different rhythms in our lives have turned us into worse than star-crossed lovers. Yes, he hurt me...as I've hurt him. And still, he is offering to love me endlessly and stand by me no matter what. More than anyone else has before.

As tempting as it can be, I don't want to take advantage of him and his love. Something that everyone else has failed to do to me. 

When I finally finish his tie, I take a step back and eye him up and down with a prideful smile, he smiles back at me and extends his arm. 

Here we go, to the motherfucking wolf's den.

✯✯✯

Exiting the car is harder than I thought but I have to. Shane stands outside the passenger door with his hand stretched out to me. Not wanting to worry him, I take a deep breath and take his hand.