Floating at Night

17. The Spark That Lit The Flame

Ali's squeal pulled me awake, ignoring my let me sleep rule.
"What the fuck, Ali."
I could hear her giggling as I put my feet on the floor. She came barging in my room just before my hand met the handle of my door, scaring the absolute shit out of me.
"What is going on? It's like four in the morning!" I tried not to yell but damn it, I'm tired.
"We're you not going to tell me?" She asked pointedly.

"Tell you what?" I asked.
Her eyes were locked on mine and I could hear a loud huff from the other room.
Great. David must be here.
"You and Justin..." she made a heart with her hands then broke it.
"Yeah, haha, so funny." I turned around to climb back into bed with her hot on my tail.
"So did you guys break up because of Baker?"

"What?" I yelled, my voice slightly below a roar.
"Never mind, I'll talk to you later. Go back to sleep my sleepy little troll." She patted the top of my head before retreating back out the way she came.

I slipped back beneath my sheets, closing my eyes as the sun peeked through my curtains.
Did I break up with Justin because of Baker?

I can't believe Ali asked that.

But did I?

Shit. Sleep is the furthest thing from my mind at this point. I might as well get out of bed and let my friend plunder me with questions and accusations.

She must have heard me coming because she had an extra plate made for me at the counter with chocolate chip pancakes and bacon.

Mm bacon.

"What's this for?" I asked, sitting next to David without a glance.

"Well. A good breakfast will help you get over the break up blues." She gave me her best pouty face before flipping another pancake and plating it.
"It's sad, but not at the same time." I mumbled into my bacon. I could tell she wanted to ask a follow up question but held it back, probably because of present company.
"What I mean is, I never wanted a relationship to begin with. He pressured me into one the whole time we were hooking up and it made me think I had some pretty serious feelings for him. In all reality, I think it was just sexual chemistry and friendship."
Ali nodded, David looked at me a little crazy but I don't think it's because of what I was saying.
"What the fuck are you looking at her like that for?" Ali was ready to pounce by the time David began to speak.

"Noelle. Please go to therapy."

None of us could stop the laughter that poured from our lungs for the next twenty minutes while we all talked about how screwed up I am in the head but avoided the topic of how I got to be so twisted.
It was nice, talking like we all used to but instead of David, it used to be Baker.
I can picture the dimples in his cheeks as he laughed at another one of Ali's corny jokes. The perfect smile that he rarely showed. His skin, the beautiful olive tone, the smooth contours of each of his muscles.
Now, that same skin is stained with ink and creased with worry lines. The once fearless, obnoxiously handsome, young man... he's a ghost of himself.

Fuck it all, I need that back.

I walked aimlessly for a good part of the afternoon. Down the driveway, across the peer. All the way down the beach. The sun was searing a hole in my back as I sat, legs swinging in the cool water below.
"You gonna get in?"
Startled, I just about did fall in. I turned around to find Baker, puffing on a cigarette that hung loosely between his lips.
He was wearing a pair of blue Jeans that were very worn down, a pair of his biker boots tucked beneath the boot cut fabric. A ripped up old tank paired well with them. His dirty blonde hair was in a curly mess on his head, he looked like straight sex.
All I could do was sit here and openly gawk at him for what felt like an hour, before I turned my eyes back toward the front and responded.
"Hi, Baker."
I could hear his boots clonking against the peer, feel the vibrations through the wood as he stepped closer.
"Are you going to sit down or?" I looked up at him.
I could tell he was surprised at my demeanor, but what can I say. I've given up hating him.
I can't hold onto that pain forever.
"Actually, at the risk of pushing my luck," he started, bending down to my level. "Wanna go for a ride?"
I scoffed loudly, ignoring the way my heart beat sped up at his proximity alone.
"Is that a no?"
"Well it isn't a yes." I pulled my feet from the water, letting them drip for a moment before slipping my sandals back on.
"What about a maybe?"
He was so close now I could feel his breath on my face. I turned to face him, his eyes pouring back into mine. His expression was unreadable, at least to me. How do I decipher the new Baker and all of his many quirks.

The need in my stomach built as I leaned forward just a bit more. My lips only inches from his.
"What do I get out of it?"
His breathing was heavy as he closed his eyes, standing back up and looking straight down at me. Something about the way his eyes were tearing me apart was only egging me on.
"Whatever you want."
His voice was so calm. So... certain. I held my hand up for his help, which he graciously gave. Pulling me to my feet a little to hard, I tumbled over into him. Goosebumps followed the path of his fingers as he steadied me.
For a second, I could imagine the feel his lips on mine, I could feel the warmth of his embrace, and I could almost taste the cigarette he'd just been smoking.