Floating at Night

2 An Awful Memory

Three years earlier...

I pushed myself off of the post, balancing on Ali as a shrill ring sounded out from the front of the coffee shop. "Hi, I'll be with you in a second." Ali was working and I was trying to sober up before I went to the hospital to see Baker. I could only handle so much and this is my breaking point. "I should probably go," I mumbled, glancing at the group of guys standing in the doorway. I say a simple see ya' later to Ali and march my way over, intent on getting through the door.

"Going somewhere baby?" I glanced over at the man talking to me, he has large muscles all over his body, but not the overly built type. "Look, I've got places to be. And don't call me baby." I try to shove past him but he pushes me back. "I don't think you know who I am. I can call you whatever I want to call you," he said, leaning in closer to my face. I glanced back at Ali. My heart was beating faster than it ever had, and I'd done some shady shit in my day. "Why don't you guys just get out of here? We're just trying to run a business here," Ali said. She was trying to come off strong but her voice was shaking more than she realized. Then, the man got a serious look on his face and started to roll his sleeve up, exposing a sleeve of inked skin. "Baby, this is going to be fun."

Three hours passed by. Three agonizing hours. They laughed and joked while they kicked the shit out of me and Ali. Then, they figured out I was the one Baker was in love with, so they let her go. Told her to pass on the message to the Hollowmen, he would have what he wanted, when he wanted, and there was not a thing they could do to stop him. Then, he took what he wanted, and what he wanted right then was me.

I was curled up in a ball. I made myself as tight as I physically could. Each kick, and each punch, they all hurt less and less. Then, just like they came in, they slipped out quietly. I waited until the sun set, however long they attacked and abused me for, this felt like it lasted even longer. I was dripping blood from my face, my back, among other places. I couldn't even feel anything below my belly button and above my ankles. I could barely crawl across the floor to grab my torn shorts and cover myself up. David found me.

I screamed at the nurse as she tried to stick the IV in me. I screamed even harder when the other nurses held me down. It was like I was back in the coffee shop with those vile men all over again.

Baker was waking up from his surgery when they told him what happened to me. He was so sick about it he sobbed. He couldn't come to me, and it was eating him up inside that he couldn't be there. He didn't know that I was pregnant, I only knew once the nurse ran a few blood tests. It meant that I had still not lost everything, no, that happened later.

I limped my way to the bathroom of my parents house, they had been gone a while now and I could just now walk through their bedroom without crying. I had to start using their shower, it was easier to use their walk in shower than mine, I had a step and a tub edge to step over. I can't help but wonder, if they were still here, would I have ended up in the same situation as I did. Would they have taken Baker under their wing? Or would they despise him for being such an influence on my behavior? These are the thoughts that run through my mind as I sit in my parents walk in shower, crying over them, and crying over the parts of me that I can no longer stand to touch.

Baker was discharged today. He argued his way out. The first thing he did was crawl into my bed in the morning, unaware that my nights were plagued with nightmares so I'd started sleeping with a taser under my pillow. The second I felt someone lay in the bed next to me I lost it. He dodged my hand just in time to not get tased, flipping on the lights before I tried again. "Baby, it's me! It's Baker." My Baker. He'd come home to me after all. Why can't I stand the sight of him?

Ali came to visit me too. We had matching bruises along our jaws still. Mine was a little darker than hers. "I'm so sorry, Noelle. I should have stayed." She cried for an hour and a half and she wasn't even the one who was assaulted. How does that work? I told her it was okay, over and over again. That's what you're supposed to say in these situations, right?

No one warned me about what Baker was doing. It'd been a month since my attack and I was comfortable enough with being around him and him holding me. He still didn't know that I was pregnant. I was holding that secret in so hard.

"You've been acting... off, today. What's up?" I asked him, standing between his legs as he leaned against his truck. Ali came back with a drink for me and a drink for her. She even brought Baker his favorite, root beer. "Awe, look at what close friends you two have become. Because of me," I joke. It's only a half joke though, because I know that Baker would protect Ali from anything he would protect me from. He's going to be an amazing father.

He smoked a few cigarettes, took a shot of something clear, then kissed me on the lips. Two minutes before this he said he had to so handle some Hollowmen business and he'd be back in an hour or two. If he hadn't survived the gunshot wound, he'd be dead right now because of 'Hollowmen business.' It dawned on me that if he walks out that door without knowing, he might never know. I could never live with myself if he died without any idea that he was going to be a father. "Baker, wait." He turned around, his eyes dark. "What's wrong? Are you okay, baby doll?" I nodded my head, looking around at all the people who still feel like strangers to me.

"We need to talk."

He followed me into a back room. There were only the two of us in the room yet is still felt crowded. "Is it hot in here? Wow, I'm sweating," I swatted a fly out of my face as I fanned myself. I peeled my shirt off of my back as he sat on the bed. "Baby, are you okay? What the hell has you all worked up?" I turned around, realizing suddenly that I haven't had any skin to skin contact with him since my attack. "Well, I just... I have to tell you something. And, I'm nervous. I don't really know how you are going to handle this." His eyes were suddenly, intensely on mine. There was never an ounce of doubt that I had to tell him. I just can't seem to get it out.

"Do you remember the night I was in the hospital?" What a stupid question of course he does. "Yes, Noelle. You're starting to scare me." I nodded my head before I sat down next to him. I let my palm hold his cheek. "Baker. When I was in the hospital after my attack, there were a few mandatory tests they had to run with the medications that they were prescribing and all that. Anyways," I paused, trying to gauge his head space. "Well, the results of one of those tests showed something." His eyes were wet, but not spilling over with tears yet, which I'm sure will happen eventually.

"You have cancer?" He asked, his voice shaking.

"What? No! No, Baker. I'm pregnant."

He stopped breathing.

Oh god, oh no, breathe Baker!

"Say something, baby." I pleaded.

He looked furious. His jaw was clenched, along with his fists. "So... one of those bastards that attacked you... he got you pregnant?" He was about to go over the edge, he wasn't understanding. "No! Baker, listen to me! I am pregnant with your child. They told me that night. I had no idea until they ran the test."

"And you're sure it's mine?"

I could kill him with my bare hands.