Floating at Night

9. But Clouds Don't Have Legs

Present...

Justin held my hand as we walked. The sand between our toes felt like hot lava itself. "Do you want to come over later?" He asked, pulling me to face him. I pushed my hair out of my face. "You're having a party?" I asked. He nodded. "I don't really want to be around people today." I made him take me to the ugliest beach around so that I didn't have to see anyone and he still asks if I want to go to a party.

"I was just double checking. I might come over after, if it isn't too late." He pressed his lips to my forehead. "It's never too late for you. Just come over after everyone leaves. If I'm asleep, just get in bed." I answered. He smiled.

If pretending to be in love is what it takes to make him happy, I'll do it.

Because I do care about him. I'm just not there yet.

And because even though I let him sleep in my bed sometimes, part of me still misses Baker. And that scares me more than the idea of falling in love with Justin.

I glanced up at a group of guys cat calling women ahead of us. The tallest one had a sleeve of tattoos tracing figures up his right arm. One of them looked really familiar. The closer we got, I recognized it immediately. He had an eyeball tattooed onto his hand, the same hand he used to hold me down with while he tore my shorts off.

Justin's voice was distant, almost as if I were a cloud, floating around above him. But clouds don't have legs, and mine are harder to move than cement. I tightened my grip on his hand as I pulled him back. "Stop... stop. Stop." I mumbled, shaking as I pulled him. "Justin..." I couldn't finish my thought. He was looking over at me now, a hint of amusement in his eyes as his lackey's noticed me too. My vision got hazy, everything was twisting and moving and I couldn't figure out which way would take me back to the car.

"Baby! Baby, what's wrong?" I focused on Justin's voice as he pulled me back down to earth. The gang was gone. They must've walked off when I blacked out. Justin was still standing beside me, only he was turning me toward him when I realized what was going on. "That was them." I mumbled, looking around for them. "What? Who? What are you talking about?" He asked, looking around too. "The gang. The one that shot Baker... the one who attacked me," I said, pulling him closer to me. I wrapped both of my hands around his arm, hanging on for dear life.

"Where? I'm gonna kill him." He looked around desperately, but it was no use. They were already gone.

And they would kill him if they got the chance.

Justin took me home, our drive didn't have much chatter. "Do you want me to come inside?" He asked, watching me carefully. I shook my head. "You have a party to get ready for," I muttered. He kissed my lips softly. Then he left. Ali wasn't home yet, she went out with David to get some stuff for Justin's party. Which means that I'll be home alone tonight.

It was probably my fifth slice of pizza when a knock came from the back door. There are only a few people who use the back door. All of them are at Justin's party.

"Who is it?" I called, but got no answer. I walked to the door slowly, peeking through the curtain. I couldn't tell who it was.

"Baby doll..."

I froze. Instantly. I couldn't move. If I moved, he'd know I was home and he would stand there until I came to the door to talk to him.

"Baby doll, I know you're home. David told me you were here," he called again.

I'm going to obliterate David.

I opened the door slowly, making sure the hallway light was off. I'd been crying on and off all afternoon after seeing those men. I can't shake the feeling that they're going to find me and do it all over again. "What do you want, Baker?" I asked softly. His lips fell to a frown as he stepped closer to me. I took a breath in, awaiting him to brush by me, the same way he used to. "Did you just flinch? Baby doll, are you scared of me?" It was a simple question in theory. But how does someone say yes to that question even if it is the truth.

"No, I'm just on edge." He shook his head, reaching out and wiping a tear off of my cheek. I closed my eyes, embracing his touch. "Why are you crying?" He asked, stepping even closer to me. His scent surrounded me, wrapping its' hands around my throat like a noose. When he's not standing so close, it's easier for me to pretend that he doesn't still affect me. "Baker. You need to leave," I mumbled, trying to step back. He held me in place. "I will. Tell me why you were crying." I shook my head.

I still hate him so much. I hate him and I hate that I'm letting him see me cry.

"Are you going to be okay by yourself?" He asked.

That question is almost comical coming from him.

"That's funny, Baker. You weren't worried about me being alone way back when, now were you?" I shoved him out the door and slammed it.
I let my forehead rest against the door. The truth is, I wouldn't mind having the company right now, but Baker is far from the person I want to be with.
"I'll stay out here all night if I have to." I huffed as he tried to twist the knob to the door before gently knocking again. "Baby doll, let me in. I can't not talk to you. I can't not see you. These past few years... they weren't what you think." I knew the sound of his voice, the tone he was echoing against the door.
He was hurting.
"Why can't you understand..." I said against the door.
"Understand what? Noelle just talk to me." I banged my fist against the door, imagining his face. "That I need some space from you, Baker. I'm not the same girl I was. I'm trying to heal and the second I start feeling a little more normal you show up and then I see him at the beach and all of it's just-" he cut me off from the other side of the door, "who?" I paused.
I didn't mean to let it slip that I saw that thug at the beach, I didn't mean to say anything about him. "Nobody, Baker. It doesn't matter anyways." I mumbled after opening the door. His eyes were low, his chest was rising and falling more swiftly as he answered me.
"You saw Mo."
I hadn't heard his name in so long.
The sentence was ringing in my ears, "His name is Mo Borden. He's been known for his gang affiliations for years but we never can get him in on anything serious."
My hands started to shake as Baker pushed past me into my house. I knew if he found out he'd want to know where. He'd want to know when. He'd want to hunt him down.
"You saw him at the beach? Which beach?" He asked, pacing in my kitchen.
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
He was so worked up and it was only getting me more worked up, my nerves are already shot and I need somebody to stop me before I do something incredibly stupid.
"Baker. Don't do this," I mumbled, running my hands through my hair. He pulled me to him now, my wrist between his fingers. "What did I promise you, baby doll? What did I promise you after I got out of the hospital?"
My mind travelled back to that day. The first day I saw him in weeks. I couldn't even pull myself out of bed, really. After trying to tase him, he sat on the edge of my bed and rubbed my back as I cried.
Then he made me a promise
I can still hear it, the agony on his voice as he said it.
"One day, I will find him. I will, baby doll. And I'm gonna kill him."